Doesn't Hurt Anymore
by Tovare
Summary: AU. Ludwig lost everyone he knew and loved to a school. Once he is called upon by the same school, he must move pass his abusive childhood and learn to live with new friends, enemies and emotions without reverting to his old self. Warnings Inside!
1. Prologue: He left

**Title: Doesn't Hurt Anymore**

**Pairings: **Eventual Romance** Ivan x Ludwig, _slight_ Sadiq x Ludwig, _slight_ Alfred x Ludwig (Rusger, Turkger, Ameger)**

**Genre: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance**

**Summary: Gakuen AU. Ludwig lost everyone he knew and loved to a school. Once he is called upon by the same school, he must move pass his abusive childhood and learn to live with new friends, enemies and emotions without reverting to his old self.**

**Warnings: Child abuse/physical/emotional/neglect, self-hatred, dark, and some OOC**

**Also I sometimes take my anger out on the characters, which leads to the events which happen to them… I use my writing to vent my own anger and stress. Please Excuse me if you think I go too far in doing so or offend you.**

**A/N:**Once very long ago, I was attacked by a zombie plot bunny. This is the result of that attack.

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><p><strong>Prologue: He left<strong>

"_B-Bruder _(B-brother)! Please don't leave me," A small blond child, about seven or eight years old cried as he reached his small hands out towards a taller, silver blond boy with bright red eyes. The older boy bent down to smooth his younger brother's hair back.

_ This was the year everything fell apart._

Gilbert, the red eyed boy, was in the fifth grade, and he was ten years old. Gilbert patted the little boy's head softly again, this time it seems to sooth his younger brother's worries. "Don't cry, okay, Luddie?" Gilbert wiped away the tears that flooded the boy's icy blue eyes and then Gilbert smirked at him, it was slightly taunting, but also painfully gentle. "They said they'll try and get you out of here too, once you get a scholarship,"

"B-but that will be a long time, _Bruder_ (brother)!" The boy cried out again. "Please don't leave like Roddy did! Roderich said he was going to come back, remember? He still hasn't visited! It's been a whole year!" The German child started to sob, wiping at the tears that had begun to drip down his pale cheeks. Gilbert hugged the blond child in the hopes of comforting him as he realized he was doing what he had hated Roderich for doing.

"He probably got busy," Gilbert whispered softy into Ludwig's ear. "He might have forgot-"

"Don't forget me too!" The boy suddenly cried even louder. Gilbert flinched when he realized he said something really, really stupid. Forget? What was he thinking?

"I-I won't!" Gilbert laughed reassuringly; he petted the blonde's head. "I won't ever, ever, _ever_ forget you, Luddie! I'm way too awesome to do that! Besides, in a year or two, you'll come to me if I don't come to see you! You're so awesome I'm sure you'll get a scholarship to the school!"

The blond boy closed his eyes.

"I don't want you to go, Gilbert…" Ludwig whispered calmly as he opened his blue eyes. The red eyed boy, Gilbert, bit his lip in hesitation. He shifted his weight as if trying to get use to the idea of leaving the small boy alone with _that_ woman. The car horn honked three times in a row. Ludwig is still clinging onto his brother's arm with a pleading look in his eyes. Gilbert ruffled Ludwig's hair.

_ I don't want to be left alone._

Ludwig hugged his brother's arm tightly.

_ I don't want to be forgotten…_

His knuckles turned white because of his grip.

_ You won't forget me, you say… You won't forget… But what will I do if you do forget?_

Ludwig's finger nails bit into his palm causing little crescent moon like scratches that draw blood.

_ I won't be able to live with myself if you forget me…_

"Please don't go," Ludwig shut his eyes tightly. He heard Gilbert sigh heavily in thought. And for a moment, a beautiful, wonderful moment, Gilbert decided that maybe he wouldn't go-

"Come on, Ludwig. It's time for Gilbert to go," Gilbert snapped to attention at the voice, nodding stiffly at his adoptive mother, a scary blond beauty, who grabbed Ludwig's arm tightly. She pried the small boy's hands away from Gilbert with a sharp yank, making the blond boy whimper. Gilbert doesn't –no, he_ can't_– meet Ludwig's eyes which are filled with scared confusion… So, even now Gilbert was afraid of her. "Let us allow Gilbert to go, this is his dream, you _know_ that, Ludwig." The woman's voice was extremely sharp with the child.

"B-but-" The small blond boy tried to hide the lump in his throat. It hurt and made it hard to talk clearly, but he doesn't want the woman to hear him when he is most weak. Ludwig looked up at his big brother, who seemed like he was in pain. The red eyed boy looked away.

"Say goodbye Ludwig." The woman's voice was sharp again. Ludwig flinched away from her.

"Goodbye Gilbert…" Ludwig managed to whisper though he didn't want to say goodbye. It would be admitting this was the end, and he didn't want this to be the end. Ludwig started to shake as tears fill his vision. He could barely see Gilbert waving halfheartedly at him.

"Goodbye Ludwig," Ludwig hated Gilbert, but only for a moment, all formalities, even in the end when they are being split apart… "I'll see you soon, okay?" Gilbert tried to smile, to make up for everything, for leaving him, but it wasn't even worth looking at. Yet, Ludwig couldn't do anything but look up at his brother. The sad excuse for a smile made the small boy cry even harder.

"O-okay, _Bruder_ (Brother)…" The little boy chokes, tears in his eyes. "_Ich_ _liebe_ _dich_ (I love you)…"

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><p>AN: This is newly edited... I mean, this has actually been edited for quite a while, I just never got to it because I'm lazy! Anyways- to the new readers, you get the better version, to older readers who decided to read this again, well- now you can see my thoughts better than before?

Thanks for reading and please drop me a review!


	2. Chapter 1: Beaten

**Warning(s):** This chapter contains child abuse: _physical_ and _emotional_ abuse! But there isn't anything too graphic...

**A/N:** Still writing what the plot bunny wants, its going to end up killing me at this rate!

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Beaten<strong>

"You stupid idiot," The blond haired woman growled darkly at the stoical teenager who stood in front of her, his head bowed. The teen flinched away from her, but only ever so slightly, so it barely showed. The teenager was in eighth grade. He looked around thirteen, maybe fourteen, years old at the most. The young teenager looked pale and sickly, yet he seems to be strong. He looks diligent and proud, but he seems to look small and weak while around this woman. Though he was a teenager and should have matured physically by now, he still has a childish look about him… He seems overly afraid of the blond, slim woman, who is his adoptive mother.

The blond teenager has also been alone, apart from his beloved older brother for five years now. It has been five years since the last time he had saw or heard from Gilbert.

_ Gilbert is no longer here to protect me…_

_ And I don't know how to protect myself from this woman._

The blond, blue eyed teenager bit his lip. "M-mother-" His voice comes out hesitant. He reaches out towards her as if he wants to say something important and needs her full attention, but she hits his hand away harshly. He takes this as an excuse to retreat a few steps. His heart is beating loudly in fear for what he knows will come next.

"You're not trying hard enough!" The woman screams suddenly. She is quite beautiful, but she is also quite cruel. She slaps the blond boy who falls to the ground at the impact. The woman's hand is burning, but so is the boy's face from the hit. She had not held back at all, using all of her strength and weight to do so. The boy lies on the floor, not daring to sit up, but he lifts his hands in front of his face in a sad attempt to protect himself. His knees go up to his chest.

_ Don't hit me…_

The woman kicks the boy on the ground harshly. The teenager bites his lip to try to keep in the pained groan that tries to escape his lips as her foot connects with his stomach. He doesn't fight her though; she kicks him again and again. He lets out a whimper that sounds too muffled to really be understood, but somehow sounds close enough to be identified as please, but it is still not enough for her to stop.

_ Please don't…_

She kicks him again. He lets out a small cry in pain, out of shock. She had kicked the side of his head, cutting him a little with the sharp, pointed high heel. The pain is only there for a moment before she kicks him again, quickly redirecting the pain somewhere else. He can feel the blood start to drip from his hair and onto the carpet. The cut must have been deep…

_ Why did you make me bleed?_

She yanks the boy to his feet again; the boy goes back up willing, too scared to do otherwise. She only pulled him up to slap him again. He doesn't fall though; her slap wasn't nearly as powerful as before. The blond teenager only flinches away from her slightly.

"Why can't you do anything right? You always mess everything up!" She screams at him angrily. He cowers from her; his head down in both shame and fear. "Are you even trying to get into that school, Ludwig!" He hates the way she says his name. It sounds so hateful and dirty. "Don't you want to go there!" She doesn't care for his answer, so she continues. "Get better grades!" She shrieks at him again. The teenager gives her a tight nod, but he won't look up to meet her eyes.

_ Aren't my grades good enough? I get straight A's, and I take all honor classes…_

_ I play in almost all sports… I take JROTC, and I'm top in my class…_

_ What else can I do but hope to be recognized?_

"I'll do better," The teenager whispers, he is cradling his injured cheek which is bright red; he knew it was going to bruise. The woman scoffs loudly before leaving the room, muttering somewhere along the lines that he better or he'd really get it next time. Ludwig bites his lip again, this time drawing blood as he stares blankly at the floor below him.

He shuts his eyes tightly. His icy, pale blue eyes are emotionless as he opens them again. He looks up at the ceiling now, the pain all but gone. He smirks to himself as he touches the cut on his head, bloody. He looks at his hands, red and tainted. No longer were they pure white, but that was okay. His brother would always love him… No matter the color of his hands. He was bruised and bloody, and he thought the pain he felt was normal, that his mother did love him. She loved him… and she hit him, was that so… weird? If he was perfect, his mother would love him again! His mother was just upset that he was… no, it wasn't what he _was_, it was what he _wasn't_. And he wasn't good enough! That was it, once he was good enough, he'd get to be loved… like everyone else… Ludwig frowns to himself, he knew the logic was a little twisted; he wasn't stupid. He could only hope his brother still knew him. If he didn't, he had no reason to live. He wasn't good enough for his mother; he had lost her love such a long time ago. His brother's memory was the only place he could hide from that woman anymore… She couldn't hurt him there; she couldn't hurt his happy memories. She could only hurt him, for not being a good boy, for not being good enough to be her son. He deserved what he got, right?

Ludwig smiles to himself, but it is empty and not cheerful at all, nothing like a smile should be. It almost seemed to mirror Gilbert's farewell smile. Ludwig laughs humorlessly to himself, he can only hope he will be recognized, maybe then, he can leave… maybe then, he won't have to hurt anymore.

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><p><strong>AN:** Ludwig is pretty confused. He knows inside its wrong for his mother to hit him, but he also thinks she still loves him. He thinks that its his fault...

Moving along, I'd like to add this is another chapter which had been edited, thank you and please review.


	3. Chapter 2: Last Day of School

**Warning(s):** Very small amount of violence, mentions of abuse.

**A/N:** This is more verbose than first planned. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Last Day of School<strong>

The blond teenager gets ready quickly when he wakes up in the morning. He pulls on a black, long sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans. Under both are long socks and gloves just in case he has to change out. No one needed to see the burns or cuts on his fingertips he'd received from his mother for… well, he didn't know why, she probably had a bad day. Or the belt marks on his calves. There was really no way to explain so many welts without it pointing to abuse. He couldn't say he'd been hit with the… well, baseball bat, no that didn't make sense. Hockey stick? That wasn't even in season. Well, after being hit so many times in the back of his leg, he'd have to be stupid to say they were unintentional. So he wore long socks that went up to just below his knees. No one minded at all.

Ludwig touched the cut on the side of his head as he stares at himself in the mirror. He was so ugly, so freakin' ugly with all the burns and bruises and cuts that marred his body. He was just a punching bag for his mother, but he quickly reminded himself that his mother still loved him. His mother would always love him, she just… She didn't love him at the moment _openly_ because he wasn't good enough for her love. He did something that he wasn't aware of, so he didn't deserve her hugs or kisses or even her words anymore. No, he didn't deserve it at all. Besides, who would want to love someone with such a body that was covered in nasty scars? He looks at the wound; it is still slightly bloody. He grimaces to himself. Yesterday, he had cleaned it, and it was already dirty again. He wipes the wound clean, wondering what had possessed his adoptive mother to actually cut him this badly. He thought she knew better than to make it this hard for him to hide it. The teenager, for whatever reason, was still loyal to his adoptive mother… or maybe it was simply fear that made him want to believe his mother would stop, that she still loved him somehow, throughout everything she'd done to him.

Trying not to think about it, he puts a bandage on the wound, quickly thinking up some sort of sports excuse, knowing no one would question him. He played all sports in school. There had to be some sort of sport that could cause a head injury such as this… Actually, there were a lot to choose from.

After a few steps towards the door, he realizes that he simply wanted to leave the house. He pulled his shoes on at the door, knowing his mother did not approve of getting the carpet dirty. He stuffs his hands into his pockets as he starts to walk to school. He grimaces to himself; all of his friends had left the school he goes to. They were all recognized by the state and teachers to go to **that** school. Ludwig smiles bitterly to himself, oh how he used to long to go there with them. How he used to love that school although he himself had never once been there. Now he hates it. Ludwig hates that school for existing.

"Ludwig," The blond teenager glances behind himself, turning around. He keeps his expression blank as he sees the P.E. teacher and coach for most of the sports standing before him. The man touches the teenager's face. It's bruised and there is a bandage around it to hide the long cut that 'graced' it. Ludwig tries not to flinch away at the sudden touch. "What happened? Was it your mother again?" The coach's voice was full of worry and sorrow. Ludwig mentally winces, but he keeps his face completely calm.

"No, my mother does not hit me." The teenager repeats the lie he had been saying the last five years. Today though, it sounds a bit faker than usual. The coach sighs softly. Besides, the coach was acting like he already knew everything that had happened. He knew _nothing_. This was all accusations on his part! Ludwig bites his lip.

_ If it is simply accusations, please keep it to yourself._

_ Don't get my hopes up._

_ Or make me fear anymore._

"Ludwig," The coach's voice is bit angry. Ludwig stands firmly. He knew that coach could not touch him, maybe that was what he feared the most: being hit… only maybe, because it may just be the woman herself. "You know we adults are here to take you out of those situations-"

"My mother does not hit me," The teenager repeats again, his voice composed and elegant. He takes a step back, wanting to get away from the man. "My mother loves me." The boy's voice is monotone and not nearly as defensive as it should have.

_ She does love me… right?_

_ She does care about me… She does love me…! She just can't show it openly until I am good enough to be her son, until then, I deserve what she gives me!_

_ … R-right?_

"Ludwig!" The coach's voice is sharp. The teenager looks back up to him. Ludwig takes in a breath, sighing almost. He feels tired. Horribly, horribly tired, he does not feel like arguing with his coach today, although he rarely did unless his mother went too far with the beating, to the point it was noticeable, but she wasn't that stupid… often.

"My mother loves me." Ludwig repeats. "I find it odd you would say otherwise," The blond knows his voice becomes weak. The teacher frowns. He ruffles Ludwig's hair, messing it up, not that Ludwig cared at the moment. He also did not want to seem overly nervous at the touch again. He wasn't very –at all– used to affection. Besides, all that mattered was that his coach got off his back, so he could finally relax.

"Ludwig, please don't play mind games." His coach's voice annoyed. "This is the last day of school before graduation tomorrow! I want to help you before you go to high school… The teachers over there may over look these things. They have a lot more students than we do here,"

"I don't need help your help." The teenager whispers. The boy sighs and forces a smile on his lips though it is painful –almost as painful as when he is being hit– as he looks up at his coach, P.E teacher and homeroom teacher. This was the only adult he had ever spent so much time with. "I came here to check on my grades,"

"You have straight A's." The coach smiles proudly suddenly. Ludwig smiles back, knowing the man could easily, almost too quickly for his own good, change a subject. "You have nothing to worry about. Besides, we have a surprise for you on the day of the graduation." The coach smiles broadly.

"What is it?" The teenager looks confused now.

_ Am I finally going to have a mercy killing?_

Ludwig has to suppress a cold chuckle and a grim smirk at the thought.

"It's a surprise," The coach laughs. He grins at the boy now, not even noticing the face that the younger male had made. "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you right now! But I'll give you a hint, because you're such a good student, all your teachers pushed for it!" The coach smiles cheerfully, ruffling the young teenager's blond hair again. Ludwig grimaces to himself, knowing that his hair is going to be down all day now. He had brought no gel to fix it today. "Even the Principal wanted you to have it."

"Thank you." Ludwig says softly. He walks into his class now. He was early as usual, a bit too early. The teacher had barely opened the door to let the students in. He sits at his desk. Within seconds he is suddenly eaten up in a small pool of girls. No one had ever bothered him until now. He shifts uncomfortably. He sees the ring leader, a brunette girl with bright brown eyes. She had darkish skin and a bright smile; she was his stalker.

"Hi Ludwig!" She squealed. She clapped her hands together and bent forward towards him, a bit too close for Ludwig's liking. He scooted away in his chair, but it was hard when he was being forced closer by the group. He shivered at their pushes; he didn't want anyone to touch him.

"Hello," Ludwig says calmly to her. "Did you need something?" He forces a composed look on his face though he was trying not to grimace as he felt someone behind him place her hand on his shoulder, it was only let a light weight but still scared him silly. "Excuse, miss, but I'd rather have you not-"

"Will you go out with me?" The brunette blurted suddenly. She reached to grab both his hands, his jaw stiffened at the sudden touch, he didn't like the way he was suddenly nervous and jumpy. His hands weren't in good condition at the moment. His mother had burnt his palms a few days ago. "I've liked you since the beginning of the year, and I thought that since it's the end of the year we could get together and spend the summer together, it'd be fun!"

Ludwig wasn't talkative. He wasn't meant to be in a relationship, or, at least, he didn't think he was meant for it. He didn't want friends or a relationship because if his own adoptive mother, who chose him, didn't love him, why would a random person want to love him? That 'friend' would only bring more pain… That was all people were good for anyways.

"Excuse me, miss," Ludwig tries not to shake as the girls lean in closer. He could feel their breath on his neck and arms, making the hair on the back of the neck stand up. God, they scared the shit out of him, though he'd never admit it. "I… I'm sorry, but I-"

Her eyes widen and she starts to tear up wildly. He can hear gasps behind him.

"YOU JERK!" She slaps him harshly, and Ludwig's shoulder stiffens up at the hit, his instincts tell him to curl up in a fatal position, to beg for mercy, to ask her to stop. But all he gets to do is sit there because he knows that this is not his mother, it isn't, no matter what his body says. "WHY? I'M NICE AND I'M NOT UGLY, RIGHT? OR AM I THAT HIDEOUS AND WEIRD?" She sobs. Ludwig looks up at her with a sorrowful expression; it comes onto his face before he can even stop himself.

"I'm sorry," He whispers again. He looks down. His cheek burns from the hit. "I really am."

_ I'm not fit to love someone._

_ Besides, why would someone want to love me, if she doesn't love me? She was the one who chose me… If someone who chose me doesn't love me openly, why would some little girl?_

_ I'm not fit to be loved._

_ I don't deserve to be loved by anyone… I'm not good enough._

_ I'm sorry, I really am…_

She runs away, the other girls glaring at Ludwig before running after her, leaving Ludwig sitting there all alone. He numbly touches his cheek before a hesitant smile breaks across his lips. If a girl he barely knew could hit him, and no one stopped her, than it meant anyone could hit him and get away with it.

Where was his teacher when he needed him?

Ludwig laughs coldly to himself before he waits for the day to actually start. School was horror, it was only meant to torture him. People wanted to talk to him. They wanted him to smile and laugh. No, he couldn't, not when he knew they were capable of hurting him once he let them in. Everyone else he let in, they left. He wasn't ready for that type of pain again. He swore a long time ago, to never let anyone hurt him again. His mother was a different story, but he still planned to live to that rule.

And now, he couldn't wait until summer vacation, all he needed to do was get through the day and tomorrow, and he was free to be all alone again. He didn't need anyone else anymore. He didn't want anyone else.

He didn't want to hurt anymore.

Besides–

He wasn't good enough to be with anyone else.

…_Right_?

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><p>AN: I edited this one, but I get this feeling in about an hour or two _–when I'm_ _looking this all over–_ I'm going to find a lot of mistakes and feel really stupid!

Please drop me a review!


	4. Chapter 3: Burned and Graduation

**Warning(s): **Hints at child abuse: physical and neglect.

**A/N: **This is also newly edited... I fixed a couple grammar mistakes (and sometimes my own stupidity) I found really annoying. I also realize I proof read better after I post stuff... (believe me, its kind of like **DAMNIT** when you realize how poorly you proof read!)

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: Burned and Graduation Day<strong>

** "**_**M-Mutter, bitte **_**(Mother, please)!" Ludwig whispered. He tried to pull his hand away, but she kept a harsh grip around his wrist. He didn't fight her after she slashed his palm open with the knife in her hand. He opened his hand to her now, willingly, but hating it so much.**

** His eyes went to the red hot stove as she pressed the wounds against-**

Ludwig gulps at the memory as he fixes his clothes once again, a nervous habit. He smoothes his hair back and hides a wince at the touch –his hands were in horrible condition now– instead frowning as he glances around. Most of the kids were giggling and joking around with each other. They were all talking about high school and how "cool" it was going to be. The teachers lead them out into lines. Ludwig is close to the end. He takes in a deep breath. Actually, he was the last person.

It was Thursday, May 26.

Yesterday was the last day of school, today was graduation day.

Everyone goes out on stage to shake the principal's hand. She hands them the diploma and an award if they were lucky. Everyone claps. Ludwig claps as well. Finally everyone was gone, and he was last person. He glances at the crowd nervously, but no emotions show on his face. He seems as cold and emotionless as always as he glances at the crowd of people.

Ludwig sees his adoptive mother. She claps. What a strange thing coming from her, Ludwig decides as he walks towards the principal. He walks gracefully, not missing a step although he had seen many people stumble because of how stressed they were as they saw everyone watching them. He hears his mother shouting something about him. It is not bad though. It is happy, and it seems whatever she is saying is good about him.

_ Is that… praise for me?_

_ When just last night she… ruined my hands again?_

The Principal stops Ludwig after she shakes his hand, his hand was badly burned though he'd never admit it or do anything to show it. The small woman pulls the teenager into a hug. Ludwig blinks in slight confusion. His expression does not falter. He keeps the same blank expression as he stands stiffly in her arms. Not daring to hug her back, considering he did not even know why he was being hugged in the first place or the fact he did not like being held.

"This young man, Ludwig Weillschmidt, an honor student who has participated in every sport as well as being the team's star player and has received straight As and has finally been acknowledged as the owner of the final scholarship to the WB School of Historical Education!"

Ludwig's face does not even break into a smile as he finally gets his wish. He simply nods at the older woman who hands him the diploma and multiple awards having to do with being an honor student and all the sports he participated in and for being a star player in each. Ludwig takes it gently, so he doesn't cause anymore pain to his hands, and she hugs him again. The crowd cheers louder. He shakes the other people's hands and walk down the stairs. As he walks down, he sees his adoptive mother's face. She is beaming with pride. Ludwig decides he likes it better when she smiles with pride than when she smiles with malice, at least when she smiles with pride she has no reason to hurt him.

After the promotion ceremony, Ludwig and his adoptive mother go back home. His adoptive mother is proud of him. She kisses Ludwig's cheeks. He shakes a little as he forces himself to stand still and not flinch away from the soft touch.

"I love you," She says.

_ Why do I hate her so much right now?_

Ludwig hugs her back, numbly, knowing this is what he must do, that she expects him to react like this. He knows he cannot show fear of her, for it is like bleeding in the ocean. The sharks will come after you. The woman smiles brightly, patting his back and kissing his forehead again.

_ Why did I want her to love me when she hit me?_

"I love you too, mother."

_ Why is it now that she hugs and kisses me I want her to stop?_

"Well you better get packing," She pats the teenager's head, dismissing him. "They said they want you to leave for the school right away! As in today, they're giving you enough time to pack and have dinner with me, but that's all," She smirks at him. "And guess what?" She doesn't wait for his answer, she continues. "You'll be able to spend the whole summer with Gilbert at the school!"

_ Why it that… the only time… my 'mother' acknowledges me as her child, or even as a human, is when I win a stupid scholarship?_

Ludwig allows a sugar coated smile to fall upon his lips even though it makes him sick. Smiling shouldn't make him feel sick at all. Wasn't smiling suppose to be easier to than frowning? So why did the smile on his lips make him feel so sick?

_ I have worked years to be able to go to this school._

_ Now that it is all in the palm of my hands, why do I hate it?_

_ Why do I… why do I hate her love now that I have received it?_

"Yes…" The teenager whispers with false happiness. "I will finally be able to Gilbert and Roderich again." The woman grins now. She quickly shoos him out of the room to go pack his clothing. He packs all of his things rather quickly, but he does not own much, realizing he owned nearly nothing at all. That everything that he had in his room did not belong to him, it belonged to his mother. He did not have any toys. He was too old; he was _always_ too old for toys. He couldn't remember ever having toys, actually, he remembered asking for one and getting a slap to the face…

He shivers before he glances to the bed. The blankets weren't his either because they belonged to his adoptive mother. It was a gift from her mother. The desk was the one she had used as a child. The books in the shelf were for decoration, but they all belonged to his mother. And all of his clothing? Well, she had brought them for him… He did not want to owe anything to her. But he needed clothes, so he decided he would bring them anyways.

_ I can't believe I wanted her to hug and kiss me when I was a child._

_ What was I?_

_ Stupid?_

_ I don't need love anymore_–_ I'm grown up!_

_ I'm too old to want to be loved now. I don't need anything, especially love, from anyone anymore._

Ludwig finishes packing relativity quickly. He starts to bring the suitcase down stairs. He puts it by the door and goes into the kitchen. His mother is cooking and singing. Ludwig frowns to himself. He did not know his adoptive mother could sing. He learned to cook for himself, so he also did not know his mother could cook. When he was younger, too young to cook, he would live on bread, cheese, water, milk or lunch meat, anything edible that he didn't need to cook.

His adoptive mother turns around to smile at him. Welcoming him into the kitchen, she gives him dinner, starting to sing a soft tune again. Ludwig eats it slowly, realizing he barely knew his adoptive mother. He did not know what she did for a living, her hobbies or her fears. All he knew, all he needed to know, was that she could easily get angry and frustrated, and she seemed to enjoy beating him because she never once said sorry or shown any type of remorse after she'd seen the wounds she's inflicted on him.

_ I wonder when I'll get picked up…_

_ I hope it's soon…_

_ If she loves me anymore, I'll die from pretending to be happy._

There is a sudden knock at the door. Ludwig takes a bite of his food as he glances up at his adoptive mother. His once simple glance turns into a deadly glare as the woman nearly skips towards the door, humming a pretty, lively tune now. She answers it like the way a love sick girl would when her boyfriend was at the door.

_ I think it's time… But so soon? I'm happy to go, but being taken now is… Much too soon, and she just started to like me again…_

_ But it's just because I did something good…_

_ But I- I had to earn her love in the first place! I worked for her love, and I have it now- Not the kind I wanted, but I have something! It's going to be taken away… But I don't want it anymore… I wanted it… but I don't want it anymore! Please… It's making my head hurt…_

A man says something, but Ludwig doesn't care to listen. He simply gets up from his chair, pushing the food away, as his mother calls for him. She smiles brightly at him. She talks, but Ludwig cannot hear her, all he can hear is the faint hiss of the air and his heart pumping blood through his veins. He takes his suitcase.

_ I want her to love me, but not this kind of love… I want her to love me for me like everyone else loves their kids… not for… not because I earned it by working so hard… why couldn't she… love me like everyone else loves their children!_

_Why does this hurt so much?_

"Goodbye mother," The teenager whispers. His adoptive mother hugs him tightly. Ludwig lets his hands wrap around her. His hug is a weak though. He decides to pretend that he is someone else. He decides to pretend that maybe, he was her real child, because he had once seen a picture of happy dark brown haired baby in the house. He had also seen the picture were his adoptive mother was holding the baby, smiling and laughing. It was one of the only times he had seen her happy. And it was in a picture, with another child, who was probably her birth child, who maybe, and sadly, died. The baby's pictures stopped at around a toddler's age. Ludwig sighs as he finally realizes he should just pretend to be anyone but himself.

_ I don't need her…_

Ludwig reminds himself impatiently. He was acting like a child. A baby or a little kid needed love but not him. He was old enough to know he couldn't have it, he knew he could live without it; he did not depend on it anymore.

_ I don't need her._

_ I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, I don't need her, Idon'tneedher, Idon'tneedher, Idon'tneedher, Idon'tneedher, IDON'TNEEDHER!_

_ Please… I don't want her…_

_ I don't want her fake love anymore… I can't take it…_

"Goodbye Ludwig," His mother says. She pats his shoulder and the teenager takes his leave, not knowing what else to say to her. She had ruined him. Ludwig glanced at his hand before back at the woman who made him so ugly and dirty. She had _ruined_ him. The man takes Ludwig's bags and then leads him to the car, taking him to the school he hates and loves so much.

The blond boy closes his eyes, unaware of his own shaking as he leaves his prison.

_ I hope he remembers…_

_ Because I know I need him…_

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><p><strong>AN: **So I think I should add Ludwig is going to a boarding school! He is going to be free of his mother-... at least, physically free, she won't be able to touch him!... Of course there are always twists and turns... But I don't know, keep reading and find out for yourself *happy face*


	5. Extra Chapter: Ivan's Last Day Alone

**Warning(s): **Nothing actually...

**A/N:** Read and enjoyy! By the way, this wasn't suppse to be apart of the story, i just felt like writing it... so i did :D

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><p><strong>Extra Chapter: Ivan's Last Day Alone<strong>

"Ivan Braginski?" The beige blond smiles sweetly up at the teacher who called his name. He can hear a few whispers, quiet, but he can still hear them whispering. Ivan wants to turn around and snarl at them, but he decides against it. He's smart, no matter what everyone else thinks. That was why they always failed to beat him.

"_Da_ (Yes)?" He answers, standing up from his seat to walk to the front of the room where the teacher's desk sat. The teacher smiles back pleasantly, she holds out a piece of paper, green. Ivan cannot help but let out a tiny gasp of surprise; he had seen the green paper, but he had not expected it to belong to him!

"W-Wait- Braginski got a new roommate!" An angry, blond boy jumps up, his bright blue eyes flaring with anger. He had an odd hair on his head that stuck up. Ivan turns around to grin widely at the other boy though his grin was a bit spiteful. The blonde's lips twitch into a smile as he realizes the teacher is now standing up. "U-um, sorry ma'am. I, like, totally forgot where I was, du- I mean teach. Yeah, sorry, teach."

"Jones." The teacher glares at the blond who smiles sheepishly. "You are a freshman now, you should be grateful I am even allowing you to be in with the detention along with the other high school students. God, I swear you still belong in the elementary division."

Ivan grins at the comment from the teacher, enjoying the fact the blond boy suddenly looked even angrier. The Russian teenager glances around the quiet room though there was still some tension from the fight. The Russian saw the Turkish teen in the corner snicker softly. The Turk wore a black jacket in spite of the weather, his hood up and a white mask covering the top of his face, which was somehow allowed.

Ivan turns to where he heard the whispering. He sees a beat up silver blond German teenager with dark red eyes who was snickering; next to the German was a giggling Polish cross dresser, who was currently wearing a pink, fluffy skirt and cute hairpins in his shoulder length blond hair. The Polish teenager had a black eye; the German had a cut lip and a few bruises on his arms and face. They were both holding an ice pack.

Next to those two was a French teen with shoulder length wavy blond hair. He seemed to have forgotten to shave that day. The French was currently trying to scoot closer to an angry Swiss boy who was glaring daggers, threatening him under his breath. On the other side of the poor Swiss, was a chuckling Spanish teen, who was poking the Swiss's cheeks. The Swiss would raise hell when the detention was over.

Moving along, the reason the teens were here in detention was because of a fight. Of course, the Turkish teen just liked to fight. Picking whichever side he thought was going to win, and Ivan did win with the Turkish at his side. Looking at the others who were in the room was proof enough. The Swiss boy, on the other hand, went to the side which had the most to offer to him after the battle.

But Alfred, Gilbert, Francis, Antonio and Feliks were the ones who started to cause the fight. Ivan bursts into a creepy fit of 'kol kol kols.' The others glanced over at him. The teacher did too, looking a bit freaked out at him. Suddenly the Russian boy begins to laugh, loving the way everyone looked at him like he was crazy. He wasn't crazy; he just thought it was funny that they even thought they could beat him!

"Would you like to share what is so funny, Braginski?"

"No thank you, ma'am." Ivan looks at her innocently, barely able to hold in the laugh. He was here because he had been challenged by the others in the room. He had been challenged into a fight for him to stop bullying the other students. It was a bet, almost. If he lost, he had to leave everyone alone, to stop bullying everyone else around.

But he won, so he could tease them all he wanted to.

"Well," The teacher goes back to her desk. She pulls a pink paper up. Everyone suddenly jumps, looking a bit excited at the paper. They knew what a pink paper meant, everyone in the school knew. It was the greatest honor that could be given to a student. "This paper is for Jones; remember, his name is our little secret until we introduce him on Sunday at dinner,"

"YES!" Alfred jumps up from his desk, grinning happily as he took the paper from the teacher. It is Ivan's turn to grimace. He was happy he got a new roommate, the last roommate he got was afraid of him and moved rooms, but did he have to share the new kid with Alfred of all people? His roommate would think he was horrible because Alfred could never keep his mouth shut about anything.

He'd be hated by his roommate before he even got to know him at that rate.

The bell rang, they could leave.

"Jones, Braginski, you are both excused from detention, but only because you must both carry out your duties for the new student. The rest of you have tomorrow and the next day." Everyone in the class nodded and left to resume their day.

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><p><strong>AN:** Please drop me a review and make my dayy! THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!


	6. Chapter 4 : Finally here

Warnings : Mentions child abuse/emotional

A/N : It shows how Ludwig use to act as a kid in here… just a mention of his childhood or two~ WOOT 2 Chapters up in one day :D THANK ME- I'm joking ;D... Or am I?

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 : Finally here<strong>

It was late afternoon, nearly two pm, Friday, May 27.

The man takes Ludwig into the office at the front of the school. Ludwig realizes quickly he had blacked out during the plane ride here, he wonders if the man had spoke to him at all, if he had, Ludwig would have looked extremely rude by not answering.

_Without her… I act like an unruly brat…_

_I need to act more mature or I won't fit in…_

_I hope… I hope this wasn't a mistake…_

Ludwig fiddles with his thumbs, a slight pain, but it was okay. Ludwig frown, he was suppose to be here first thing in the morning, the plane ride was delayed. Ludwig was a bit achy from the ride, and he did not know why the plane had been delayed, not that he really cared. Ludwig realizes he is being led into a big room, lots of shelves, filled with many books. He than realizes this is the principal's office.

"Hello," The principal smiles warmly at the teenager as she glances up at him from beneath all of her paper work. "You are Ludwig Weillschmidt, correct?" She asks softly, speaking perfect American English. Ludwig stares at her for a moment before he nods. "It is nice to meet you,"

"It is a pleasure to meet you as well," Ludwig bows his head, his voice still has a slight accent, he knows that. He grew up in Berlin, Germany, but he knew English. He had moved to America when he was about eight years old, the year Gilbert left him. It was sad when he moved to America. He had left the places of his good memories there in Germany. Ludwig glances back up at the woman who smiles brightly at him. She pushes the glasses onto her face and picks up a few papers, signing a few more before looking back up at Ludwig expectantly. Ludwig gulps, not knowing what to do. He felt very afraid suddenly, his mother always got angry when he didn't do what she expected him to do. Was this woman going to hit him as well?

"We have all of your data in the computer," The principal finally breaks the silence. Ludwig tries not to look confused and relieved. "You have been given Ivan Braginski as your roommate." The woman pauses for a moment. Ludwig does not recognize the name, but he had known not to hope to. His friends had been here so long, they probably had their own roommates and a new group of friends. "I will send Alfred F. Jones to show you around… Jones is a very energetic boy, so I've decided he will be your partner. Jones will show you where all of your classes are and if I remember correctly, he's in most of them. So that is why I decided to give you Jones, and Jones you. Oh, and Braginski, your roommate, is a few years older than you, so I do not think he will be much help to you in the classes part though. Oh, but on the bright side since you two are dorm mates, you'll be in the same summer class. And of course Braginski will be there for you if you need help with homework, or you get homesick…"

Ludwig gives the woman a tight nod.

_What if while I was gone, Gilbert forgot me?_

_Than I really have no reason to be here…_

_Everything I did… wouldn't matter anymore-_

"Thank you for taking me into the school," Ludwig whispers coolly to her despite his own thoughts. The fear and panic not showing in his voice. He already knew how to control his emotions. He blocks out all signs of his feelings of fear before. He didn't need such emotions anymore… He was safe here… right? He was safe? He had to be safe, he had to! He rubs his burned fingers together, quickly snapping himself out of his own horrible thoughts. The pain was all he needed to remain himself that he was here. And not there. It was the light pain that made him remember.

_The hurt that takes me out of the hurt, how ironic._

Ludwig wants to bring his thumb to his mouth, so he can chew on his nail, but he realizes it is gloved, yet another sad reason it is gloved. Don't let it fool you, it is just not for the fact he wants to hide the burns, he does, but it's not all. He sometimes acts childish… overly, to the extreme. Once, without even knowing it, when he was ten, he'd bitten his nails until they bleed and hurt, in the childish fear that he'd lose a basketball game… and it was finals. And they were all relying on him. His mother was watching too, she was _expecting_ him to win. She was expecting him to be the star; he was afraid of her. He was afraid of disappointing her, of her hitting him if he lost, or losing the little love she had left for him.

Or the time when he was twelve. He had thought he kicked the biting habit to only find that once, after his arm being broken because his mother snapped it when she stepped on it wrong, that he picked up thumb sucking. That horrible habit lead to him calming down enough to fall asleep. It was odd how soothing it was. And the reason he was frightened, was because he was threatened into telling a lie of how he got the injury. His mother escaped trouble, and he was lectured on being careful by the doctors.

"You are a brilliant student, Mr. Weillschmidt," The principal stands up as she says this to Ludwig. She walks gracefully around her desk to pat the teenager's head. Ludwig doesn't realize he had held his breath until he released it. Ludwig's eyes go to ground as he receives the complement. "I still wonder why you weren't given a scholarship a long time ago," She pauses and looks hesitant for second. "You are one of the most deserving of our many students."

"Thank you," Ludwig whispers as he gives her another bow.

_Deserving, was I?_

_Excuse me, but if I deserved this so much, if I was such a good student, why didn't I get to be with Gilbert sooner? Why in the world did I have to stay with that woman so long?_

_Why couldn't you have let Gilbert at least visit me…?_

_What if-… if because we haven't seen each other in so long… he forgot about me? Than what am I suppose to do! I can't live with myself knowing I am not even a memory for him!_

Now the Principal turns to the man who was holding a few of Ludwig's suitcases.

"Please take Mr. Weillschmidt to his room,"

"Of course, my lady," The man bows to her. "Come,"

Ludwig follows the man out of the office and down the long halls. The man starts to talk about who lives in the dorms and about each student, but Ludwig's mind drifts off, but he gives the man a nod and yes every so often so the man thinks he is listening. Instead the teenagers thoughts wander to who his partner and roommate are.

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><p>AN : CLIFFHANGER! REVIEW OR IT WILL STAY THAT WAY! And I'm sure everyone can guess where this is going to lead to~ Please review to tell meh how I'm doing or where you think the story is going or… well- if you find this situation as funny/drama-filled/violent/angst-y as I think its going to be~


	7. Chapter 5 : The Dorms

Warnings : Ummm... Confusion and not very pretty topics?

A/N : WHY AM I MAKING LUDWIG SO SAD! I need to be nicer to him... But I guess the angst/pain is what ya all is reading about so enjoy poor little Luddie's confusion D:! Please review and make me happy xP... PLEASE? :D

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><p><strong>Chapter 5 : The dorms<strong>

"This is your room," The man points to a door in the middle of the hall. "The other children- I mean, the other students, are out at the moment. It is lunchtime, so I wouldn't expect anyone to be inside here, they're all in the cafeteria. Um… I'll bring you to the-"

"No need," Ludwig replies rather quickly, a bit of panic shining through. Ludwig glances up at the man. A simple glance before Ludwig takes in a breath, making sure to keep his voice calm and leveled. "I want to unpack my things alone…" The teenager drifts off slowly, but he keeps his eyes trained on the man. The man nods understandingly.

_What did he understand?_

_He doesn't know anything!_

_He knows nothing about me!_

"Okay," The man unlocks the doors. He leads Ludwig into the small apartment-like dorm room, it had a small living room, picture of art and some paintings, some actually pretty nice while other were strange, seemingly violent purple and white blots and smears that were quite frightening. There was also a tiny kitchen, and two bedrooms and a personal bathroom in each bedroom. "Ivan, your roommate, will show you everything when he comes back… Until than this is your room. Like our lady said, she will have Alfred come for you first thing in the morning. The students, I mean, you and the other children, all have summer classes. They are shorter and much more… _fun_ than the usual classes," He muses softly as he opens the door to another small room, Ludwig's new bedroom.

The room was white. The room had a bed, a closet, a book shelf with books and a desk. There was a door leading to a personal restroom. Ludwig glances around the room. It looks empty and vacant. Ludwig grimaces to himself, it looks like him when he looks at himself in the mirror. No emotions, none showing, but a cold hardness, that this room seems to reflect perfectly.

_A-are they mocking me!_

_Damn it. Why is this getting to me?_

_I shouldn't care about such minor details._

"Thank you," The teenager lowers his head with respect, but it was almost a reaction to what was happening, or really everything.

"I will see you later than," The man smiles suddenly. "I'm the JROTC teacher by the way, Weillschmidt," Ludwig's eyes widen a little at the comment, and his cheeks heat up. He had thought the man was simply a bag boy, or something, but not the JROTC teacher! "I cannot wait until I can see you in action!" The man says cheerfully, a little too cheerfully, it seemed to annoy the man himself. "You were portended to be a highly successful student and a threat to most of my other children."

Ludwig cannot help but smirk to himself at the thought. Back at 'home', he rarely got complements from his own mother. It almost seemed odd to get one from a man he rarely knew. "It is a pleasure, sir," He bows his head towards him while the man leaves the room.

_I really am alone again._

_But this room is truly bare…_

_The old one I resided in… at least had… colors…_

Ludwig looks around the quiet, blank room. He cannot decide if he is happy he is alone or if he does not like it. Part of him likes it, it allows him to lower his guard and drop a few walls he usually keeps up in front of others. The other part hates it, that part of him is worried someone will walk in on him when he has no defenses up to protect himself. That he'd be hurt again, he didn't want to be hurt anymore. He didn't, he swears he doesn't ever want to be hit again, but… it just sounded so… what was the word he was looking for? Ludwig gulps and tries not to sweat as he tries not to think about thinking about the word that fit so perfectly with his thoughts.

_Appealing._

Ludwig wanted… but he… Ludwig starts to shake a little, there was no way he could think the full thought. Oh god, it was so wrong, so very wrong to think like that! He shouldn't want to be… it was wrong… Really, really wrong! She really did ruin him, she made him think it was _okay_. Okay! It was **WRONG**. Ludwig grinds his teeth together.

_But it was the way mommy showed her love…_

"S-shut up." Ludwig growls under his breath, the childish innocence in his thoughts, the one that justified everything that woman did to him, it was back again. It _always_ came back and gave him false, stupid, stupid, **STUPID** hope. That maybe, deep inside, his mother really did love him. That she did care about him… That he was… loved…

But at the moment, the mere thought of someone hitting him was making him feel normal, almost _safe_. WHA-WHAT THE HELL? SAFE? Ludwig bites his lip harshly, how did the thought of his mother slapping him make him feel safe! Ludwig quickly controls his anger. His mother _loved_ him, she just loved him when he did good things, when he was good enough to be loved. Until than she gave him a different love, the love that taught him that he needed to be better… right? Hitting him was another way for her to show love, the love that made him… want to be better for her… right?

And-and that was why he felt safe… He felt just like he did when he was little kid.

_I felt like she was showing me love…_

… _This is stupid… I shouldn't think about it anymore…_

_On the brighter side though- … What am I doing? Bright side, what bright side?_

_Hmph. I don't even like this place._

Ludwig opens his suitcase a little too roughly. He takes his things out, trying to distract himself from his own thoughts now. He glances down at the things, his JROTC uniforms, some books, causal clothing and old schoolwork if he needed to remember a certain math concept or some sort of literature definition. Ludwig brought no memories from 'home' other than a single picture. It had Gilbert, Roderich and himself in it.

_And myself._

He rubs his temples, trying to forget the bruises on his body, the cuts and scars and burns- he had to quickly cover his face with his smooth, untainted gloves. It was like he was trying, unsuccessfully to hide from the world. Ludwig smiles to himself, it was too bitter to be a real smile though.

_I __can__ hide them…_

_I __will__ hide them…_

_No one will ever have to see my ugliness._

Ludwig glances down at the picture on the bed. He slowly reaches for it, he stop before he can pick it up though, barely touching the picture, almost skimming over it with his hesitant fingers. Then, with his thumb, he covered Gilbert's eyes before smiling to himself again. A soft laugh broke its way through. He couldn't bear to ever let Gilbert see him, not when he was being so weak. Ludwig quietly puts the picture away, placing it under the -well officially now it was his- pillow. He sits on the bed. Frowning to himself, he did not want to sleep, but he could feel his eyes start to get annoyingly heavy again. He did not want to sleep right now. He has to stay awake, so he could finally see Gilbert and Roderich again… He obeys his body by laying down. Ludwig's blue eyes fluttered, and the world slowly turns a bittersweet black.

_I want to go home…_

When he closes his eyes, he sees his room, the room he grew up in. A soft baby blue wall, a bed, a wooden desk and a black bookshelf full of books. He knew where everything was in that room and could have walked around with a blindfold on if he wanted to. And then Ludwig sees his mother's face flash in his head. She is smiling so sweetly just like when he had won the scholarship to the school. Ludwig had been happy too, he really had been happy! It was still happiness, no matter how slightly… but he had not known how to express it properly, and he still did not know how because at the same moment it had been so sour.

_But…_

Ludwig remembers how much she use to beat him and how much she use to scream at him. He remembers the ugly, purplish-black bruises and silver scars that still and will forever embellish his pale skin. He remembers the pain that had exploded though his head when she had kick him, Ludwig unconsciously touches the scratch on the side of his head, no more than a healing scratch now. But… even though she hit him, she always loved him right? She always cared about him… right? That was why… she hit him… right?

_Where is home now?_

Ludwig is not there at home, he knows that. He was never at home when he was at that house, now he knew that. He had not felt at home for a long, long time. Not since Gilbert left. Since the only person he thought would be with him forever was taken away. Than he lost his home, he didn't have a home. His home was with Gilbert, so that place _couldn't_ be his home. It was just a place he lived for a while… a long while. He can feel himself frown slightly. He was wrong, wasn't he? His mother never really loved him, was he just really a punching bag for her? He shifts his weight uncomfortably on the bed as he wakes up though he had not really fallen asleep. He glances at his wristwatch. He had only passed out for a few minutes. He stares up at the white ceiling. When he was back at his old room, he could look up at the blood stain on the ceiling from when he was younger, and he had upset his mother. He can't even recall what he did that day to make her so angry.

_Where was home then?_

He tries to remember at least one peaceful memory in that house, one where, maybe, his mother actually loved him because of him. Not because of appearances or any stupid rewards. He wants to cry when he fails to even recall one. But his already harden natured quickly destroys any possibility of crying, so he lies there staring up at the clean and lonely ceiling, hoping for an answer. Hoping that maybe, he _was_ loved. That his mother _did_ love him, that his twisted logic, was somehow right…

All he could ever do was hope. He could only hope and pray and the simple word, _why_?

…

_Did my mother ever love me?_

Ludwig falls into blissful darkness before he could even answer his own question.

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><p>AN : ... Yeah... Hope you all liked it :)... If you liked it, review and tell me what you liked so I know what to write more of. If you didn't like a part, tell me, I can change it in later chapters, or IF IT WAS THAT HORRIBLE THAT IT MADE YOUR EYES FALL OUT OF YOUR HEAD- I'll change it COMPLETELY. :D

Please review my story~


	8. Chapter 6 : Not so alone anymore

Warnings : ... Nothing?

A/N : THIS IS THE LONG AWAITED CHAPTER... Um... Sorry about it not being half as good as you guys all probably thought it was going to be... FORGIVE ME!

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><p><strong>Chapter 6 : Not so alone anymore<strong>

Ludwig wakes up again, this time slightly shaken at the dream- well, actually it was a nightmare but whatever. He realizes he's hungry. He grumbles to himself. Sitting up, rubbing his eyes to look around the dark room. Startled, he looks to his wristwatch, and he grimaces to himself, getting off the bed. He goes to the door, but than he remembers he's not at home. He stops and relaxes a little. He's at the school, away from that woman. He's safe…

_Right?_

Ludwig gulps. He goes back to the bed and takes a seat. He puts his head in his hands and leans forward. He lets the hungry feeling take him over. He doesn't mind it hurts a little. He likes the pain, it makes him feel normal, like he was when he was kid. It brought him the slightest of comfort in this new, alien place. Then Ludwig grimaces to himself. That woman completely ruined him, didn't she? She made him like the pain he felt. Or, if not like, made it almost feel _normal_.

Ludwig gets off the bed to go into the restroom. He goes to look at the mirror, which is on the wall behind the sink. He stares at himself for a moment, realizing his hair is down. He runs his hand through it, but decides not to gel it back since it was already late, he'd probably stay up, but he didn't want to go to bed with stiff hair.

He goes back into the small bedroom, going to the bed and picking up the picture, he sets it on the desk. Than he quickly builds up his walls and relaxes as best he could before he went to the door leading to the hallway, and than the living room and tiny kitchen, he quietly peeks out of his room.

_I wonder if Ivan is…?_

It is dark, and he decides Ivan, his roommate and still yet to meet, was probably sleeping. He walks out into the tiny hallway and into the living room, taking a seat on the couch. He curls up, letting his head lean against the armrest, he closes his eyes, his guards slowly loosening up. But only for a few seconds of peace, than he hears someone unlocking the door, he jumps up to his feet, but before he can run back into the safety of his room, a giggling beige blond comes into the room. Light shines into the dark living room, the violet eyes boy doesn't seem to notice Ludwig as he waves at another teenager, with shoulder length brown hair, and another boy with short blond hair and glasses, they both shake, but force themselves to smile and wave back.

"I-I'll… We'll see you later, Ivan…" The brown haired teenager says quickly, grabbing the blond's hand and rushing away. Ivan shuts the door and turns around, laughing a little too darkly to be nice or good natured. The shadows quickly eating the room back up, still smiling, a little evilly, when the Russian male sees the frozen, wide eyed blond boy standing up by the couch, like he just jumped up to run away, but was paralyzed in place.

_D-damn it…! My stupid legs-!_

_Move!_

_Before he-_

"Ah!" Ivan smiles again, but not nearly as 'happy' -or was it scary?- as before when smiling at the other two boys. Ivan stops when he is standing right in front of Ludwig, he reaches out to Ludwig's hand. Ludwig takes it, about to give him a firm handshake, when he is pulled into a hug. He lets out a surprised gasp. The German boy wants to pull away at the sudden touch, but he doesn't. Frightened silly, Ludwig forces himself to stand still, hoping he would let go soon. "Hello! I'm Ivan Braginski, da!" Ivan pushes Ludwig back on couch. Ludwig's mouth drops a little at the action, but he quickly recollects himself and smiles as pleasantly as he can to his seemingly childish roommate. He sits up straight as Ivan takes a seat next to him.

_So…_

_His plan was to make sure me seemed rude if I got up to leave._

_That's really smart…_

"Hello. My name is Ludwig Weillschmidt." Ludwig says smoothly as he realizes this is a situation he will not get out of easily. It was best to simply go with the flow and hope you're not thrown off a cliff, as his dear brother had once put it when he was child.

"Wow!" Ivan giggles. "So formal!" Ludwig stiffens a little at the comment. Formal, oh God, how he hated the word. "Did you already eat, da?" Ivan asks, tilting his head a little with a completely innocent expression, "I was expecting you at dinner, so I stayed awhile longer that I usually would have- And you never showed… Didn't the teacher give you directions to the dining room?"

_He did?_

_I should have been paying more attention, now I look so foolish!_

"I-I…" Ludwig quickly looks away. He hadn't paid attention to the teacher who led him at all, so he had no idea he was suppose to meet Ivan. Besides, he had fallen asleep. "I'm sorry, he may have told me, but I wasn't paying attention. Excuse me for my rudeness, I did not mean to-"

"Don't worry about it," Ivan says calmly, his violet eyes wide as he stares at Ludwig. Ludwig automatically becomes self-conscious, but he doesn't show it all. He simply looks at the wall for the sake of not having to meet Ivan's eyes. He sees on the wall that there are paintings on it, and Ludwig tries to seem like it is interesting in them, but he can still feel Ivan's eyes trail down from his face to his neck, lingering there for a moment before going lower and lower until Ludwig finally becomes too shocked to look away. Ludwig looks at Ivan, who doesn't seem embarrassed at all, instead he smiles brightly at the blond boy who still seems to be in shock. "You're pretty, da!"

_First he stares at me all hungry-like, like I'm food or something-_

_And now he's calling me pretty? I'm not a girl!_

_I am nothing like a girl, I look nothing like a girl!_

_This is so… ugh… embarrassing and degrading._

"Ah- um… Thank you," Ludwig scratches his injured cheek as he looks away, it only hurts for a spilt second before the pain disappears, almost disappointingly, the pain was somewhat calming. Ludwig tries not to look as confused as he feels. No one had ever looked at him like he was a piece of meat or something before. Ivan pokes Ludwig's bruised cheek, but very lightly so his finger barely touched the skin. Ludwig lets out a soft growl, in both shock and hurt, as he jerks away, trying not to tremble at the sudden touch that scared him so much. Ludwig nearly falls off the couch, barely catching himself when he moved away. Ivan looks hurt and confused, before an amused smile twitches on his lips.

"Did someone hit you there?"

_Wha-… How did he…?_

"I play sports," Ludwig says quickly, a little too quickly, but his voice, a little dark yet still managing to be somewhat monotone. "I got hit with a baseball because I wasn't playing attention. And why would someone hit me?" Ivan studies him intently for a few moments. Ludwig tries not to shake at the look which was suddenly so powerful, than Ivan smiles cutely, flashing his white teeth and tilting his head to the side, almost like a child. But there was also something haunting about the other.

"I don't know _why_," Ivan says softly sounding cheerful. He looks a little dubious but seeming to want to humor Ludwig, which only made Ludwig angrier. Ludwig's hand twitches, he tries not to make a fist. If there was one thing he'd learned from his mother, it was violence doesn't solve problems. Because there weren't usually problems to begin with. At least, he always thought. Unless his mother always thought he was the problem- He shouldn't be thinking like this. His mother loved him… "But you **are** hiding something."

Ivan's voice becomes a little scary. Ludwig tries not shake at the tone. It sounded so… different from how cheerful he had sounded like when he first came into the room.

"I don't have anything to hide. It hurts when you touched my cheek, and I-" Ivan reaches for Ludwig's hand, when Ivan's fingers trace over the knuckles, Ludwig pulls his hand away quickly. He tries not to shiver at the touch. "Excuse me, Ivan, but I'd prefer if you don't touch me,"

_Is he testing me?_

_How does he even know!_

_Wait-wait! I can't get too ahead of myself, take a deep breath… He's just… guessing. He's just a really, really good guesser. He doesn't realize what he's doing yet, so you're safe… It's okay…_

"Why not?" Ivan pouts extremely childish, not even seeming very serious now. He didn't seem half as dangerous as he had a few moments ago when his voice had changed to such a terrifying tone. Now his tone was simply high and sweet, but a mocking tint under it all. "It was just a poke, and I barely touched you that time!"

"Okay than." Ludwig sighs. Ivan just had to come in when he felt _safe_, just when he put down enough walls to make him vulnerable. Just when he was starting to trust his surrounding, his roommate has to come parading in here! It wasn't fair! "I'm sorry. I'm bit tired-"

_Why did he have to come in just when I started to relax!_

_Oh god, why am I stupid! I should have never let my guard down in the first place, I should have known he'd be awake. He's older than me. He's been here longer so of course he's bound to have made some friends! He __lives__ here!_

"Oh! So what are you?" Ivan asks, his purple eyes big as he seems to forget all about the subject before. "You sound… I don't know… Almost Dutch, maybe?" Ivan tilts his head. Ludwig smiles to himself now, he was a bit more comfortable talking about race than what had happened to him.

"_Nein_ (No), I'm German. _Deutsch_ (German) is probably the word you are thinking of," Ludwig says softly, keeping his cool now that he's finally had a chance to sort out a few thoughts and find all the flaws with his plan leading to this accident. Ivan nods, he smiles warmly at Ludwig now. "So, um, excuse me for my behavior early it was-"

"Don't apologize," Ivan says. "Its okay,"

_Okay? But I was so rude! She would have-… Why am I thinking about that woman? She doesn't deserve a place in my head… I should just forget about her! She never really… loved me, right? She never did… because she use to hit me…_

_But she… that was her way of showing love… it was… no… n-no…. please…_

"B-but I-" Ludwig tries not to grind his teeth together in pain. He was loved. His mother did love him, but she… had a twisted way of showing it. That was all, that was all… THAT WAS ALL!

"Please don't," Ivan mumbles. He looks concerned now. "Are you alright?"

"Perfectly fine," Ludwig bites his lip. It was suddenly so awkward again. Why did he always have so much trouble talking to other people? The one thing he lacked was people skills. Sure, he was good at giving speeches, they had a direction and purpose, but… conversation skills, for just _fun_? Where was the '_fun_' in talking to other people? Ludwig had people problems, he wasn't a people's person. "Again, I am a bit tired, so maybe I should be retiring to-" Ivan frowns now.

"Already? Its only eight!" Ivan whines childishly. Ludwig is caught off guard, he did not expect his roommate to protest. Ludwig cannot help but look surprised as Ivan pouts childishly. "Stay up, we'll watch a movie! Maybe a glass of vodka-"

"W-what?"

"Vodka," Ivan grins suddenly. Ludwig's mouth drops a little, and Ivan's grin widens. "I have my sources, da! Just because this is a boarding school, it doesn't mean we're completely locked away in here! I have a few… '_friends_' who would sneak out just to get a few drinks and cases for us on the inside. We have parties here too, just like normal high schools! We aren't all too different… We just happen to live here, da?"

"Okay," Ludwig's eyes still wide as he realizes he'd been foolish. Some of the kids who went here, they didn't come here on a scholarship, some were filthy, stinking rich. Of course, they'd have enough money to mess around here! They're parents were paying for them to come here. He'd hate to run into one of those brats. He had to work his ass off to get here- Oh God, Ludwig grimaces. He shouldn't hate others just because they were rich, it was stupid. They just happened to be born with money. He should be grateful he had a… mother at all, even if her love was twisted… No, he should be grateful that he had _Gilbert_, yeah, that was a better reason to be thankful.

Then Ludwig recalls drinking once, not too long ago. Ludwig wasn't a drunk, but he did drink every once in a while. When his mother was one a 'business' trip, or whatever she went to for a week or so long, and he was just beaten bloody. It was his first time taking a sip. In his own world of hurt, he had taken a drink. And it made all the pain disappear and melt into a slightly hazy reality.

It made everything bearable.

It made him happy.

It was the only thing that was there for him in his time of need. But, no, he wasn't a drunk. He only got the beer when she was gone, and he only let himself have one if he was in so much need. He had self-control, he could handle the pain without a can of beer in his hands. He wasn't _that_ weak.

But he wasn't always strong enough to always resist it in the end.

_Well… One glass and a movie won't hurt…_

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><p>AN : Did I do as bad as I thought I did! I'll never know if you don't tell me D: If I did good or something, TELL ME. I don't know- *facepalms* If you all want me to continue writing this, you have to review so I know so... If not it will be like every other random fic in my computer documents- SO IF YOU DON'T WANT THIS TO BE FORGOTTEN- REVIEW! Favoriting is really nice to- all of you who did- it was nice and gave me happiness so THANK YOU. But I don't really know what you think about it... Its just "good enough to be in favorites"

And to all of you who have been reviewing me so far- THANK YOU SO MUCH :D

Please Review~


	9. Chapter 7 : Nightmares of the Past

_*****THANK YOU SIRLADY*****_

This chapter is dedicated to her- (sorry thats its so sad D:) BECAUSE SHE'S SO SWEET AND HAS KEPT ME WRITING THIS STORY! She's such a great inspiration to my work! She gives the CUTEST suggestions and- and… YOUR AWESOME!

P.S. I have a little special for you at the bottom of this ;D so read the bottom~

**Warnings** : EXTREMELY DARK (If I do say so myself). VERY GRAPHIC CHILD ABUSE/PHYSICAL/MENTAL This chapter has mature content (I guess…) It has a really bad language to the point when I went to read it out loud, I had to stop and kind of make tiny beeping sounds. I'm sure you all heard worst at school but this is so different because this is a parent-child relationship, not a friend-friend or enemy-enemy… AND SO I decided to change the rating because this has some really ugly graphic child abuse to the point I almost cried when I read a little… BUT I STOPPED MYSELF BECAUSE I AM DETERMINED NOT TO CRY AT MY OWN WORK!

**Warnings II **: _NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED _(I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings D:)

**A/N **: And um… Sorry… This doesn't have planned smut *at all* so don't get any ideas -unless they're good suggestions to the point I can actually fit it into the story or something along those lines! (Guess. Am I joking or not?)- And on with the story!

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><p><strong>Chapter 7 : Nightmares of the Past<strong>

_A tiny blond boy walks out of his room quietly. He presses his ear against the door to hear a woman sobbing. The little boy listens quietly to her soft, empty sobs. He gets down to lay flat on his stomach, peeking under the door. He can barely see her. The woman is holding a picture of a brown haired baby closely to herself. The little boy stares at her, feeling a little sorry for her, he too had recently lost someone close to him. He had just woken up because of the sobbing and decided to find the cause, so he was still sleepy and not nearly as alert as usual. He smoothes his nightclothes down as he knocks on the door to let the woman know he was here._

"_**Mutti**__ (mommy)?" He calls softly, pretending he hadn't seen her cry. He peeks through the cracked door now, his blue eyes wide with fear as he realizes there are beer cans on the floor next to her. He takes a few steps back, wanting to retreat from her. "N-never mind! I-I'm sorry!" He starts feebly, but she has already seen him. "I-I said I'm sorry!"_

"_Leave me alone!" The woman screams at him. She picks up the nearest thing, which is a glass bottle, and throws it towards him. It shatters as it hits the door above him, glass flying everywhere. She can barely see through the tears which flood her eyes and stream down her face. "Stop bitching, you damned little fuck! Go! Just go the fuck away, you whore's child!" The blue eyed child wants to cry out in fear, but it is caught in his throat and instead a horrible lump forms in its place. He can only flinch away from her a little, tears are starting to form in his eyes. She is glaring daggers at him._

"_Okay __**Mutti**__ (mommy)…" Ludwig whispers. He starts to close the door, but the woman jumps up and swings the door back open, the knob hitting his side, she grabs his arm tightly before he can leave completely. He lets out a tiny cry at her grasp. She was not trying to be gentle at all. She was gripping his wrist too tightly, twisting it enough to make a tiny squeak escape his mouth, it was half way around. She yanks him towards her harshly, the boy lets out a tiny cry as he hears a horrible popping noise. He nearly falls but her clutch barely keeps him upright. "S-stop, __**bitte**__ (please)! __**Mutti**__ (mommy)! __**Bitte**__ (Please)-"_

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP!" She screams. She throws him to the floor. He tries to be quiet, he really does, but the sound escapes his lips and he lets out a cry in shock. He didn't mean it, he really didn't. He didn't want his mother to be angry with him. He didn't want her to hit him, he wanted her to love him. That was all he wanted. He'd seen other parents hugging their kids, so why couldn't he hug her or her he? Why did the boys and girls at school, get hugs, and he get hit? "I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

"_I-I'm sorry, I'll leave!" The boy shrieks in horror as she raises her hand up. He scrambles to his feet but before he can get to his room, she trips him and makes him fall to the floor with a thud. He glances up at her, she smacks his backside harshly, he cries out at the pain, but he quickly clamps his mouth shut. She wanted him to be quiet, right? Than he'd be quiet. She hits him again. His lips quiver and he tries to hold back the tears as she hits him repeatedly._

"_I TOLD YOU ALREADY! LEAVE!" She screams at him as she finally stops. The boy tries to stand up again, but she pushes him down. She kicks his stomach before stepping on his injured wrist, using her full weight. Another horrible snap before he screamed out, begging through tears for her stop. She removes her foot and takes a step back like he was admiring her piece of bloody art as boy lays there gasping for air. She is glaring at the boy who shakes in fear as he finally gathers enough strength to sit up to look at her, his good hand cradles his wrist and. His blue eyes held fear and confusion. A single word, a single question, that he held every day close to his heart… Why? "__**WARUM**__ (Why)? WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN?" She screeches throwing her hands up in anger, like she finally gave up, but Ludwig knew a lot better than that. "I DON'T WANT YOU TO FUCKING BOTHER ME. EVER. LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU- YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!" The boy bites his lip to keep back the another painful sob. The tiny boy is shaking._

"_**B-bitte **__(please)," He whispers, his throat felt raw from trying not to scream or cry anymore. "I-I'm really sorry, __**Mutti**__ (mommy), please forgive me," He gasps. She screams out in frustration before she grabs the nearest thing, which is a picture frame, and hurls it at him. It hits his hurt wrist as he pulled them up to block his face. He turns around, still on his hands and knees, though his wrist ached unbearably, and crawls away as fast as he can. She flings another picture frame at him, this time hitting him on the back of his head with a loud thud. He feels his hands nearly give up from under him, and he feels a little lightheaded, but he doesn't stop though he wants to. He hears her slam the door shut as he gets to his feet with the help of the wall._

_He stops at the very top step of the staircase to touch his a small hand to his head. His hair is slightly wet where she had thrown the picture frame, he glances down at his hand, and in the pale moonlight he sees crimson. He bites his lip as he stares at his blood hand. He wipes it on his pants, hating the way the warm blood was slipping down his neck. She really had thrown that picture frame hard._

_He sighed in relief as he quickly gets back to his feet to run down the stairs. He reaches a swollen hand towards the door. He flinches when tries to twist the knob, he quickly switches his hand. He opens the small closet door under the staircase, too afraid to go back upstairs to his room. He locks the door with shaking hands and huddles in the corner, all alone. He cannot see anything but darkness in the small room. And in the darkness, he finds an odd sense of peace. A peace he cannot describe, but he knew it was there. He also doesn't turn the light on, sure he was afraid of the dark, but turning on the light would defy the whole reason of hiding._

_He can barely stay awake in the dark room, wondering, in this complete darkness that doesn't change at all when he closes his eyes, if he is awake or asleep. He suddenly shudders as he hears someone walking down the stairs with loud thumps… He can only hope it is a nightmare._

"_Ludwig? Honey, where are you?" His adoptive mother asks sweetly, her voice light. She sounds so loving, so caring, Ludwig almost tricks himself into giving himself away. He shivers though and holds his breath in the fear that starts to eat at him. "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? YOU DAMNED LITTLE BITCH. GET OUT HERE. NOW! YOU FUCKING LITTLE- FUCKING LITTLE WHORE!" She suddenly screams loudly. He hears something crash. Something breaks, and she is hitting walls and screaming her head off. Ludwig presses his hands to his mouth in fear a small noise will escape him. He takes in a deep, shaky breath, slowly trying to calm himself. Suddenly, it all stops, like maybe, it was all a nightmare, and he'd finally woken up._

_He suddenly hears soft thuds, footsteps that were meant to be heard. He shakes, squeezing himself closer to the corner of the small closet. She was coming TOWARDS him. He presses his hands harder against his lips, his mouth goes dry, and he feels sick. He shouldn't have hid, it was stupid, now she'll only hit him harder for hiding. She'll be angrier, oh God, what was he thinking? Thinking he could hide? Why couldn't he think any through!_

_The door creaks open, and he is still holding his breath. The lights turn on, and he stares up at her. The moment that had seemed like eternality had finally ended. He does not bother to try and pull away when she grabs his arm and drags him out of the closet. She is saying something, but he does not bother to listen. He closes his eyes instead._

_This was his life, he would have to grow up sooner or later. He'd rather grow up now, when he was still able to adapt… When the memories were fresh, the pain of his brother's leaving was more than whatever she could even imagine to inflict upon him. Besides, there was no one left to protect him anymore, he was left here alone, and he'll do whatever it takes to get out._

_The tiny blond boy is thrown to the ground._

_Ludwig will have to hurry up and grow up. He'll take his beatings like a man. He won't hide from her anymore, he'll try not to flinch at the attacks, he'll try to take it like a man. He'll let her beat him until she thinks its enough… Because there is nothing else __**to**__ do. His brother left him here all alone. His brother would be ashamed if he hid from her his whole entire life. He'd never get anything accomplished that way, he'd never be able to his brother…_

_The small blond, blue eyed child, who appears like a tiny, now bloody and broken angel, can barely feel the pain… It is foggy, like a final gift from God before being banished from his kingdom in the sky to this little hell…_

_Ludwig can feel more blood slid down his face, some slip from his open mouth in a scream that never had a chance to come. She silences it with another painful punch, this time to the side of the face. More dark, purple bruises, was that a knife? Maybe, he won't know until he wakes from the haze. He thinks a rib or two are breaking when he hears the frightening cracking noise as she kicks him again. He hears her yelling, but he doesn't care enough to listen. It all goes to a deaf ear. Pained blue eyes look up at the woman who he was suppose to be able to call mother, the one who was suppose to love him like her own blood child… Her face is red, eyes puffy from crying. Blue eyes look to the side, at the ground. His small, pale, bloody hand is reached out, towards what, he'll never know. He is too numb with the hazy pain to notice anything but the woman beating him. He can barely feel. He could barely feel __**anything**__._

_**Just get it over with… please…**_

_Ludwig closes his blue eyes with that silence hope._

_**I-I promise I'll never hide or run from this again. This is my life, and this is my punishment. Its my fault for making her angry… no one's fault but my own. Because she does love me, she just isn't happy with me at the moment…**_

_**She loves me, and… this is all for my own good… I'll learn to live with it. I HAVE to learn to live with it. I'll do whatever it takes…**_

_**Whatever it takes…**_

_**Because my mommy does love me!**_

…_Right?_

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><p><strong>AN** : Please review and tell me how you think I did? Did I go way too far, or just enough to make you understand what Ludwig had gone through? This chapter isn't just a filler if that's what you were thinking. It has importance in later chapters. I know this chapter dealt with a serious manner, and that this truly does happen, no matter how heart breaking…

*****The next part is to end the chapter on a lighter note and because I'm almost crying and I don't like crying.*****

This next part is dedicated to SirLady~ I want her to know I appreciate everything!

And the SPECIAL-

**Ivan**- Where am I, da?

**Ludwig**- W-what am I doing here? And why am I the object of abuse? What have I done-

**Me**- CALM DOWN. I AM WRITING THIS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

**Ivan**- That's pretty twisted, da~

**Ludwig**- He-He's right! *points at Tovare accusingly*

**Alfred**- Woah… *rubs forehead* WHAT THE HELL? WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?

**Ivan**- Ew. *grimaces* You brought that here?

**SirLady**- IVAN! I LOVE YOU!

**Ivan**- Da~! *smiles brightly* I love you too!

**SirLady**- *squeal*

**Ivan**- *smiles again*

**Ludwig**- I feel sad… *looks away*

**Me**- Don't be sad D:

**Ivan**- Yeah… I love you too, da~

Ludwig- *blushes and looks a bit awkward*

**Alfred**- S-SHUT UP! I LOVE LUDDIE MORE!

**Me**- Calm down! *waves arms around to try and caught their attention* I don't want this to get out of ha-

*_brawl_*

**Ludwig**- I guess that's the end of this special… *face palm*

**SirLady**- See ya all later~ *waves bye*

**Me**- BYE PEOPLE! _**PLEASE DROP ME A REVIEW** _*tears flood my eyes* _GAHHH THIS SPECIAL DIDN'T HELP ME AT ALL. I'M STILL CRYING MY EYES OUT._


	10. Chapter 8 : Morning Hangovers

**Warnings** : None really, but there are a few mentions of neglect...

**A/N** : ... This is pretty short but I think its still good :D! Not really worth the whole M rating, but I don't wanna make anyone say "THAT SHOULD BE M. ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE TEENS LOSE THEIR EYES WITH HOW HORRIBLE THAT WAS?" So yeah... :D... Thanks for reading/reviewing/favorating!

_And please review when you are done reading with this chapter~_

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><p><strong>Chapter 8 : Morning Hangovers<strong>

Ludwig's eyes snap open, sitting up a little to quickly and making him light headed. He shakes, feeling cold, yet he is sweating. He feels a sharp pain in his chest at the nightmare- no, the past. He glances around, letting a little groan fall from his lips, oh God, it was so bright in here. He stiffens automatically, he felt a little sick. With the sudden headache that was pounding and making his ears ring. He licked his lips, he was so thirsty, but that was alright. He was use being hungry or thirsty because when he was younger, before he could cook or reach the cups in the cupboard, his mother didn't always feed him or get him the cups. Sometimes, she'd forget. Ludwig winces at the memory before he glances around the room again, the light was blinding.

_Where am I?_

Ludwig relaxes suddenly as it becomes a bit easier to see, the light no longer blinding. He glances around the still unfamiliar room, a tiny whimper makes it ways out of his mouth before he can stop it. He bites his lip, he had to remember, this was where he was going to live from now on, he didn't need to worry anymore. Gosh, Ludwig sighs into his hands. He had gotten worried for a second. He thought he was at someone's house. His mother would kill him. He hadn't asked, and she would have-

_No, no!_

_What am I doing?_

_Don't think like that!_

Ludwig sits up, he glances down at his hands. White gloves, a long sleeved black shirt, slightly messy and sticky and a pair of dark colored jeans… still. So he still hadn't changed out of his clothes… He had been sleeping on the couch. He rubs his eyes and glances at the small table in front of the couch, he muffles a yawn. Two glasses of clear liquid, one half gone, the other empty, and a few empty bottles next to the glasses. At least four of them were empty, the fifth half full. Ludwig rubs his temples, trying to sooth himself to calm down, he couldn't remember last night at all. It was all hazy, and all he could remember was that Ivan was- Wait, where was Ivan? Ludwig is about to get up when he hears a soft grumble and something roll at his feet.

Ludwig glances down, on the floor by the couch. Ivan is sleeping on the ground. A light blanket on him, he's sleeping so soundly, like a little child. Ludwig automatically shuts up completely. He climbs over the couch and walks around to look down at Ivan. He's quiet for a moment before he rubs the back of his head in wonder of what he will do now. A few seconds and suddenly he felt like puking.

_Ah crap, what's wrong-_

Ludwig scrambles to his room, where his restroom was. Swinging the door open, he barely makes it in time, puking into the toilet. He coughs and wipes the sweat from his brow, shaking at the coldness and chill he had just felt. He's dizzy and annoyed, he scoots back, so he can lean against the counter. He wraps his arms around his knees and leans his head back, trying to breath. He coughs heavily. Before he shivers again, he covers his mouth. The blond glances down at his hands again, his favorite white gloves were soiled. They were dirty from sweat and a bit of nasty vomit.

"Ludwig?" A voice peeps.

"I-I'm sorry!" The words are squeaked in a high pitched manner. They are out of his mouth before he can even think them up. They came out too naturally to be healthy. "I didn't mean it, Mo-" Ludwig instantly covers his mouth, biting down on his tongue to shut himself up. Ivan looks confused, tilting his head innocently in wonder. This was Ivan, not his mother, he reminded himself quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," Ludwig says calmly now. Ivan nods, smiling slightly.

"Its alright," Ivan says sweetly. "Are you sick, da?"

"I-I think so," Ludwig quickly scrambles back to the toilet, puking again, happy he hadn't taken his gloves off like he thought he should when he saw the vomit on them. Ludwig coughs, shaking at the chill he felt all over again. His teeth start to chattered, and he was trying not to cry. It was all so revolting to the younger blond. "I'm sorry…"

"Oh! It's a hangover, da!" Ivan says excitedly suddenly.

"I guess," Ludwig mumbles, wiping the rest from his mouth his hand he shivers before he stands up to wash his hands and change his gloves. "I'm sorry,"

"_Nyet_ (No)!" Ivan smiles. "Is this the first time you've drank?"

"_Nein_ (No)…" Ludwig tries not to blush in shame at the question. He was taught from a young age, more or likely beaten, into never telling a lie. Or really, saying what his mother was screaming at him, to admit as the truth although it wasn't… usually. The only thing he ever allowed himself to ever really lie about was his mother, her actions and where all of his injuries came from. "I've drank before. But… it wasn't ever that strong."

"Oh! You've drank _beer_!" Ivan laughs, no, not laugh, that's much too manly. Ivan _giggled_. Like a little girl would, but it sounded a bit forced, like he was trying to seem cheerful and light hearted all the time. Ivan smiles brightly at Ludwig now, Ludwig tries not to look away. He stands up, wanting to see how horrible he really looked in the mirror. "I could have guessed you were German with just that, da!"

"Same for you being Russian with the Vodka," Ludwig mumbles the smart comment back, too afraid of being hit if he said it any louder. He stares at himself in the mirror before peeking a glance at the older teen, who simply smiles, suppressing a small laugh.

"What are you scared of?" Ivan asks softly. His violet eyes wide as he stares at Ludwig. The blond turns around to stare back at Ivan. Ludwig tries not to gulp at the question as he sees the seriousness in Ivan's eyes. Ludwig had been taught to tell the truth, and he was horrible liar because of his fear… but he couldn't simply say, oh yeah, I use to be hit a lot when I was a kid. That was stupid and crazy and the first time he ever said that aloud. He'd thought that full sentence, once. Only once, other times he couldn't even bring himself to finish it. Ludwig stares back at Ivan who stares at him innocently. "You don't like it when people touch you. I know lots of people who don't like to be touched, but no one hates it as much as you… Or, if not hate, fear it as much as you."

"I don't fear it," Ludwig growls stubbornly. He did fear it though. He feared, above all else, though he'd never care to admit it, that he'd be hit. That he really was unneeded. Unwanted, unloved, he couldn't bear to think like that, or even say one word of it out loud, without wanting to bite his tongue out first. He'd rather die than admit his fear.

"I won't tell anyone, Ludwig," The tall Russian teen says softly, rather sweetly, but his voice is now mature, no longer childish. Ivan kneels in front of the blond, German teenager. And as if to complete the promise, Ivan slowly reached for the German teen's gloved hands though they weren't clean. Ludwig had to hold back a choked sob at the sight.

_My hands are dirty._

_Not just with vomit._

_Not just with sweat._

_I'm…_

"I promise," The words come out too slowly. Too wonder and beautiful and Ludwig wants to say something, something important, something- Ivan's hands are about to hold his own, the first time he's let anyone ever touch his hands in something more than just a handshake-

"I-I-" The Russian boy's hands jerked back suddenly in slight shock, his violet eyes wide as he turns to look away, to where the noise had came from. Ludwig couldn't help it when his face expressed his disappointment, only happy that Ivan hadn't seen it when he quickly changed back his emotionless façade though it seemed a bit harder to hold suddenly.

_Maybe…_

_I'm just not…_

_Not meant to be touched more than just a formal and occasional handshake…_

Then Ludwig was "saved", by the self-proclaimed hero of the WB School of Historical Education.

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><p><strong>AN** : ... First off I wanna thank EVERYONE who reviewed because when I see them I feel SO happy! And it makes me wanna post more chapters xD! And so I decided that since everyone was so nice (and because I'm such a noob) I'd post the next one today because I was actually planning to wait until Firday to do it but... You guys deserve it! :D BECAUSE YOU ALL MADE ME DAY xDDD

**And... GUESS WHAT HAPPENED.**

Review? _Bitte_ :D?

_If you review I post chapters faster because I feel happy *and giving* THANK YOU!_


	11. Chapter 9 : Not my Hero

**Warnings** : Child Abuse... Kinda bad... but it isn't really really really bad if you know what I mean but still bad.

**A/N** : I WANNA THANK EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS OR READS OR FAVORITES! They make my day and I wouldn't be writing if it weren't for you guys xD Your reviews always manage to make my day! Oh and this chapter is longer than usual... I couldn't find a place to cut it really without having to post two in one day again... Sorry!

And just so you all know- your questions are **NOT** being ignored... The answer to some of them are actually in this chapter :D... And others in later chapters but since I don't want to ruin the story for you all I can't answer them all right now D:! MAKES ME SAD BUT IT MUST ME DONE!

AND ON WITH THE STORY~

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><p><strong>Chapter 9 : Not my Hero<strong>

Both teens turn to look out of the restroom. There had been a knock on the door. Ivan smiles sweetly, but slightly annoyed now, at Ludwig before he stands up. "I'll get it, da," He walks out of Ludwig's room to get the door. Ludwig sighs in slight relief; the other half was pure disappointment. Ludwig waits until his bedroom door closes before he takes his gloves off. He stares at his hands before washes them clean. He brushes his teeth and washes his face while Ivan takes care of whoever was there at the door, whoever it was, was taking pretty long at the door.

Suddenly there was a few angry screams and hushed responses. Ludwig nearly choked as he brushed his teeth when he heard the first shout, he spit out the rest and quickly finished. He goes to his drawer to quickly get a new pair of fresh, clean gloves to hide his scarred hands before he goes outside of his room, to the living room, to see a blond boy with bright blue eyes, contrast to himself who had icy blue eyes, in the doorway. Ivan was still blocking the entrance, but Ludwig had a clear view of the other boy from where he was standing.

"Let me see him, you damned Russian bitch." The blond boy growled angrily. Ludwig stared dumbly, wondering what Ivan would say to such an insult. The blond who was talking's arm was twitching violently into a fist like he could barely contain himself from hitting the other. He was also gritting his teeth; his face was flushed with annoyance and irritation.

"_Nyet_ (No)," Ivan says sweetly, keeping his voice down as he kept his hands over the door tightly, like he was barely keeping himself from slamming it shut in the blond's face. Ludwig glances at the two, wondering why they were acting this way. It was not a very civil manner. Although the Russian's voice was sweet, it had a hidden anger. "I just got Ludwig to open up to me, da~… I am _not_ going to let you steal him away now. Besides, I don't want you to influence him… You-"

"Don't you dare even try to start talking in your crazy commie language to me!" The boy shouts furiously at the violet eyed teenager who lets a twisted smile fall onto his lips. His smile wasn't one that Ludwig had seen yet. It scared the younger blond who couldn't help but shiver. Ivan's grip on the door seems to tighten a little as his hand trembles with the strength he had but was hiding. His knuckles were white. "We're in _America_! Speak _English_ like everyone else, you-!"

"Um- Excuse me," Ludwig says softly, interrupting the other blond. Ludwig did not want the conversation to develop into violence like the tone and movements seemed to all point to at the moment. He wouldn't know how to handle it without wanting to hide or worst… Letting the memories take him over to the point he forgot where he was. "I'm sorry... I was in the restroom-"

"Come on, dude!" The blond growls at the Russian, seeming to try and keep his temper down though he seemed ready to throw a fit. "Ludwig is _mine_. He's _my_ partner, man. I deserve to see him, so open this door…" Alfred sighs before calming saying : "Pleaseeee?"

_His?_

_I'm not an item…_

_I belong to no one._

Ivan giggled as Alfred pleaded. Teasingly, Ivan slowly closing it more though Alfred was pushing it open a little more with as much strength he could muster up. It was a little hard when the Russian boy seemed twice as powerful as the smaller blond. "_NOW_!" Alfred shouts.

Ludwig can feel his heart start to pound in his chest. He hates the way he starts to shake and tries to shrink away from the other blond who had shouted. Ludwig was scared. The yelling was starting to get to him. Everything in his body was telling him to run, to hide, it was pure human instinct. The other part, the part that had lived and took over his life was telling him to apologize and take his beating, that this was his mother and this was his fault. And that she was angry at him again. But the tiny consciousness in his mind, the only part that had any sense at all, said that it wasn't his fault -like always- but this time, it was saying that this wasn't his mother, that it was some guy and that he couldn't hurt him.

"Okay, Alfred," The Russian boy lets go completely, stepping aside, and Alfred falls face forward, he barely manages to catch himself with his hands, breaking his fall. He lets out a frustrated grunt as he pulled himself to his feet. He sends a death glare to Ivan before turning to look at Ludwig with a sheepish grin which somehow let Ludwig relax a little. This other boy wasn't angry at him… Alfred rubs the back of his neck to show his discomfort now. "I'm real sorry you had to see that Ludwig,"

"It's alright." Ludwig answers quickly, happy that he wasn't still shaking.

"Good, and hey!" Alfred grins, his mood suddenly changing. He ran over to the other blond boy and reaching out for a handshake which quickly turned into a half hug thing or something. Ludwig visibly shivered. He was smaller than Alfred as well. Ludwig smiled faintly, a little forced, at the grinning boy who seemed so very jumpy and good spirited suddenly. "My name is Alfred F. Jones, and I am totally happy right now, man! I finally get to meet my partner! Been waiting forever for you dude! You took wayyy too long to get here!"

_I made him wait too?_

"I-I apologize-" Ludwig starts, realizing, that maybe Alfred had expected to see him yesterday like Ivan had. Than that meant he missed a lot more stuff than he thought he had before. His mother would be so disappointed in him! Ludwig tries not to grimace at the simple thought.

"Dude I was joking!" Alfred laughs. He grins at the other blond before he nods for Ludwig to follow. He takes a few steps and when he realizes Ludwig wouldn't move. He reaches over to grab the other boy by the forearm. Ludwig tries not to wince, there was a bruise right there. "Dude? Come on!" Ivan glares daggers at Alfred as Alfred leaves with Ludwig, who glances worriedly at Ivan. Where in the world was he being told to go?

"You better bring Ludwig back! I wanted to eat lunch with him!" Ivan calls after them both, it sounded like a snarl almost. Ludwig felt his heart skip a beat; he hated the way his knees wobbled a little at the scary sound.

"Than me and Lud will have breakfast!" Alfred shouts back, almost snidely. Ludwig barely catches the purple aura around the Russian who was smiling cruelly. When Alfred slams the door shut, Alfred glances back at Ludwig with a warm smile. Ludwig gulps, feeling a little frightened though he didn't really know why. Than he glanced at his arm, Alfred still had a grip on it.

_Oh, that's why…_

_I wish he would let go of my arm…_

"Sorry, hate your roommate a little… a lot, well, mostly because he's a bit of a bully to Toris and his brothers and his boyfriend!" Alfred drags Ludwig down the hall, finally letting go of Ludwig's arm, but there was a part of Ludwig that felt like he was still being dragged. Ludwig cannot help but to look over his shoulder at the closed door and wonder why he'd gone out of the restroom in the first place. It had only made matters worst, and it took him out of the place he had just grown to find comfort in.

Ludwig glances at Alfred's smiling face, his blue eyes brighter than Ludwig could have ever imagined. Ludwig suddenly felt self-conscious as he averted his own blue eyes, which were icy, cold, _frozen_. They weren't nearly as beautiful as Alfred's.

_What's wrong with me?_

_I shouldn't be so close to someone with such a bright shine!_

_He's like the… the sun._

"And Ivan doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself! I feel sorry for you! Oh and you saw those purple-white paintings right? He did those as a freshmen I heard, he's had them up since. His last roommate, Yao, wanted them down because it scared the poor guy. Ivan was really, really pissed off! He said something or something and Yao wanted to change roommates _that_ very day! Now he's with Im and I think Ivan was jealous for a while or something because he was even angrier! I know that because his bullying went on a tenfold of mass destruction!" Alfred said almost too quickly for Ludwig to catch, but he caught most of the words he said.

_Yao?_

_And Ivan is a bully?_

_He didn't seem very… but he was so nice…_

"Oh," Was all Ludwig could really say in responses, he didn't really know who they were anyways. So, before he even got to know people himself, he was hearing some rather strange rumors… or stories about them. It wasn't too bad though, at least Alfred seemed like the type of guy who just said the truth, and what was on his mind or thought was the truth. And he didn't seem very violent now. He seemed pretty nice now that they were no longer with Ivan.

"Yeah, oh! I mean, dude, let's go to the dining room, they're still serving breakfast since it's only like nine thirty or something! I woke up early and got to you as soon as I could, so I could totally save you. Because, I'm the hero like that, you know? I'm the hero of WB School of Historical Education and someday the whole freakin' world! So if you ever need to be saved, just give me a call, okay dude?"

"Alright," Ludwig says calmly.

"Yeah, and like I'm always saving the day! Oh! Like that one time when I almost beat up Ivan because he was picking on Toris again, for like the hundredth-millionth time and then he made Raivis cry, but the reason I didn't was because- Well… I'm too heroic to waste my time beating up some big, old bully! Instead I comforted them for a while and made sure they felt better! Anyway, you should totally meet the others! Classes start at eleven. When Ivan was talking about taking you to lunch, he meant at one, just so you know, that's like when classes have break. They start again at two. They go on until four than we have time for whatever else we feel like doing. Dinner is at six-thirty sharp, everyone in the whole boarding school has to be there. Everyday, so even if you ditch breakfast and lunch, you have to at least be there for dinner!" He pauses like he finally ran out of things to say, and for a second Ludwig is happy until he picks up again. "I'm sure there are a lot of people in the dining room right now actually! They all know about you, they all want to meet you too, dude! I'm really pumped because you're the first partner I ever had!"

"Really?"

"Hell yeah!" Alfred laughs. "Anyway, lets hurry!" Alfred laughs and quickens his pace as he grins, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he glances at Ludwig. "Oh yeah, your last name." Alfred stops suddenly, causing Ludwig make a noise of discomfort as he stops too. Alfred looks back at Ludwig, his bright blue eyes dead serious. "There's a guy here who already has your last name… at least it's a different version of it or something like that, right? The last name sounds alike I guess, and I think the way it's spelled is pretty darn close too. He's a few years older than us. You know him Ludwig? His name is Gilbert Beilschmidt."

_Beilschmidt?_

_You kept our old last name brother, from Germany…_

_But… why did mother make me change mine when we moved to America?_

"I…"

"So you know him, Lud?"

_Oh… God…_

_Please… Don't make me talk…_

…_about him of all people…_

"Hold that thought. HEY MATTIE!" Alfred shouts, waving his arms around. A tiny, light haired blond turns around to see his brother. The teen smiles softly, almost sleepily, and waves back, holding a polar bear teddy bear to his chest. Matthew is standing next to another male with large eyebrows and bright emerald green eyes. "What's up Artie?"

"You bloody wanker!" The sandy blond shouts back. "I already told you not to call me that!"

"Sorry dude, I forgot!" The American laughed. "He's from Britain, as you can tell! The other guy, the quiet one, Mattie. He's my brother. He's kind of hard to notice, so I point him out to everyone the minute we get into the same room or area!"

"I'm not invisible!" Ludwig noticed the tiny blond shouted weakly, like he was sick, but Alfred was just being truthful again, a harsh truth. Ludwig felt as if the sound the light blond made came from a few miles away with how faint it was. Ludwig glances at the violet eyed blond, thin and small, apparently young by the teddy bear he grasped in his hands.

"Our parents split up when we were young, our mother, she took Matt to Canada. I stayed here with our dad." A smile crosses Alfred's face now. He turns around to run to his brother. "Don't know what I would ever do without my brother!" He grabs the younger teen in a head lock. The violet eyed boy squeaked in anger, and Alfred ruffled Matthew's hair menacingly, with an evil smile on his face. The tiny violet eyed blond makes an annoyed whine of protest, soft and still kind of weak.

_Is that what Gilbert would have done to me if he'd been with me for the last few years?_

_Would I be any different than I am now…?_

_Would I… Would I be fit to be loved?_

"J-jerk, let g-"

"YOU DUMB GIT! GET OFF OF MATTIE!" The sandy blond roars. Alfred lets go and begins to laugh. Matthew's face reddens a little, and he sighs slightly in quiet annoyance. Ludwig stands still, watching the scene before him with slight -no slight was a complete understatement- _utter_ envy and annoyance. He hid the emotions with ease though.

"Okay, okay!" Alfred laughs letting go to place a kiss on his brother's forehead. A groan came from the other teen. "You know I love you, Matt!"

"I guess…" The tiny blond mumbles. He glances up at Ludwig, his lavender eyes seeming to look right into Ludwig's very soul. A calm, sleepy smile breaks across the boy's face as he still held the teddy bear in his hands. "My name is Matthew Williams. I took my mother's last name. I'm actually a few hours older than Alfred… I don't mind that people mistake me as the younger brother, its okay as long as I can be with my brother, right?" Ludwig felt a sharp burn in his chest.

_I shouldn't hate him._

_So why do I hate him?_

_He's so… Agh._

"Yeah," Ludwig answered calmly in spite himself and the burning hate he felt building up. No one had ever said something like that to him. And even if they ever had, they never said it with such calmness and with… meaning no harm whatsoever-… It made Ludwig angry.

"Lets go get breakfast than! And for contrary dude, I'm much more fit to be the big bro!" Alfred cheered, wrapping an arm around Matthew's neck gently. Alfred glances over his shoulder and grins sheepishly at the other blond teen. "Sorry, I-"

"It's alright," Ludwig says softly. His eyes scan over to the sandy blond, quickly going back to the other two teens. For a moment he thought he'd seen a little rat, a tiny, blond rat-

"You really need some people skills!" A sudden arrogant voice remarked meanly. It was a huffy little boy who looked like the British teen, only a smaller version. The small boy was wearing a blue sailor suit with his tiny hands on his hips in an annoyed manner. Ludwig hadn't notice the little boy until now, and he had thought the boy was a rat on top of that.

"Peter!" Arthur scolded angrily. "Mum would be so angry if she heard you say something so rude, you darned little wanker! Excuse my little brother's horrid attitude! He can be so-"

"Well its bloody true, _Arthur_!" The tiny boy huffed back in anger.

"Pete!" Alfred shouts now at the small sandy boy with angry blue. "Hurry up, ya brat! And leave my partner alone, Artie's right! You're pretty damn thick for a small fry!" Peter glared at Ludwig before smiling slightly at him.

"Sorry." Peter says sweetly now. "You didn't even notice me until I spoke. I just wanted your attention, please forgive me! After all, it isn't often we get new students here!"

"It's alright." Ludwig says calmly. He glances away. The memories ate at him as he glanced at his feet as he followed the group to the dining room. Ludwig shuffled his feet after them. Each person was holding someone else's hand or hang on to. The British teen was holding his little brother's hand, and Alfred had his arm around his brother's neck in a friendly manner.

_What is this all?_

_Is this my punishment?_

_Or is this all some sort of cruel joke to mock me?_

**He was nine years old when he first got burnt. He had just got home from school, it was middle of the year and midterm reports were coming back. He had just gotten a few rewards for being an honor student and some more for being the best tryout player they had all year. At his school, sports started in fifth grade, but tryouts and practice started in fourth.**

**Ludwig hadn't been completely dead minded when he was nine years old. He was healthy, happy enough to not become completely antisocial, he was **_**okay**_**. He wasn't in perfect condition, but he was okay… on his own standard at least.**

**Ludwig handed his mother the report card. He had looked through it to make sure nothing bad was in it. He just forgot about the teacher's note, looking over it, was his only mistake.**

"**Ludwig is a very good student. He is a perfect role model student, and I wish there were a dozen of him. Yet, he is still yet to come out of his shell; he is painfully shy and keeps to himself. He does not talk unless I ask him to. He also does not do well in groups. Please see to it that next year he is not as withdrawn."**

**And that one note made his dear adoptive mother angry. She instantly forgot about all of the awards scattered on the ground when she pushed him to the floor. He did not cry out in shock at the action; he was older and knew she sometimes acted out very suddenly. Instead, he chewed his bottom lip and hoped she would leave him alone. She smacked him a few times before grabbing his wrist and forcing him back to his feet. He let out a tiny whimper as he was dragged to the couch.**

"**DON'T MOVE, YOU DAMNED BRAT." She growled. He sat still, hoping to somehow please his mother into stopping. He could only wonder what he had done to upset her so much. He was trying to be a good boy, he was. He was trying desperately. He wanted her to love him, for her to not hit him anymore. But these dreams shattered when she brought him back to reality with the sharp knife she held in her hands carefully, more carefully than she had ever held him.**

**Not that she ever held him…**

"Hey, dude?" Ludwig glances up as he realizes that Alfred was addressing him, but why wasn't Alfred using his name like before? Alfred tilted his head. "Yo, ya cool, man? Or some 'em wrong? Because you look pretty down. Oh, and we ain't allowed to tell anyone your name, right now it's a secret 'til Sunday when you get to meet everyone!"

"I'm fine," Ludwig calls back. He quickens his pace to catch up with them. "I apologize, I was thinking about my… mother." When he said it out loud, it sounded strange to him. Alfred's eyes softened now, he pouts slightly.

"Are you alright, dude? I mean like, you'll like this place after a while, but the first couple weeks are the hardest! Being away from family really sucks. I missed my dad for the longest time- don't get me wrong, I still do but-" Alfred sighs and smiles slightly. "Don't worry, me and… uh… Ivan will try to make it easily for you, okay?"

"Okay," Ludwig answers. Than Alfred turns back around with a grin.

"Well, come on!" Alfred quickly waves them into the dining room.

Soon they're seated, and their orders are being taken, and they are being served. Ludwig eyes soften as he stares at the food in front of him.

**His adoptive mother waves the knife in front of Ludwig's face. He paled. She grabbed his hand and told him to stop moving and to open his fist with a smack to the back of his head. Ludwig unclenched his fist. She stabbed each finger, making sure to draw blood and to make sure each cut was painfully slow. He chewed his bottom lip, not wanting to cry out in the pain. She almost giggled as she dragged him into the kitchen. He relaxed slightly, thinking, rather foolishly, that she was going to clean his wounds. Instead, she turned on the stove.**

**He blinked in confusion as she grabbed his wrist. She held his index finger to the red hot stove. He couldn't even avoid the wounded scream that erupted in his throat. He had tried to be strong through the cuts and taunting, but he couldn't hold back during the burn. She didn't let up. He cried out again.**

"**S-stop, _Mu_-"**

"**Shut up, you little shit!" She growled. He couldn't help the tears that started to form in his eyes, or the fact he was shaking uncontrollably. He blinked the tears away, they slowly disappeared. She let goes of his index finger and he sighs in relief, only to scream again when she grabbed his middle finger, pressing it against the stove. He cried out in pain as he heard the stove let out a low hiss as his wet blood touched it.**

"_**Muttie, bitte **_**(Mommy, please)!" He cried loudly, trying to pull away, but she kept a strong hold. "S-stop! Dop, pwease dop!" His voice broke, the tears weren't going to spill from his cheeks though, he wouldn't allow it, only his voice choked and broke, but the tears kept well hidden from his adoptive mother. Ludwig didn't stay awake during his right hand, he passed out when the blade touched his other fingers unable to endure the pain anymore.**

"Alfred's partner!" The tiny boy screams loudly. "ALFRED'S PARTNER, ALFRED'S PARTNER, ALFRED'S PARTNERRRRRR!"

"You dumb little _brat_!" Arthur growls at the tiny boy who shivers. Arthur smacks Peter's hand softly, a warning to behave himself. Ludwig can't help it when he winces. "We are sitting at a table! What have I told you about shouting at the dining table like that!" Arthur mumbles under his breath. The little sailor suit boy pouts as he glares at his older brother.

"Um… What's wrong?" Matthew whispers quietly. He stands up to touch Alfred's shoulder, a gentle touch that Alfred barely noticed as he shook the other blond teenager. "Alfred, you shouldn't shake him like that! You might hurt him," Ludwig realizes that Alfred is shaking him, grasping his shoulders, almost painfully tightly. Ludwig pushes Alfred's hands away.

"I'm sorry." Ludwig says softly. "I kind of-"

"You wouldn't respond!" Alfred interrupts. "You were pale, and you were gripping your shirt with your hands, really, really tightly! I got worried so I called to you, but you didn't even notice! I was really worried ya now! You can't worry the hero!"

"I apologize," Ludwig grumbles. "I didn't realize I worried you."

"Its cool, dude!" Alfred smiles brightly now. "I mean, I know you didn't mean it,"

Ludwig nods. He picks at the food in front of him.

_Even here they haunt me…_

Ludwig can't help but smile bitterly at Alfred, the hero, when Alfred turns to chat to Matthew and Arthur, seeming to change the subject rather quickly, forgetting about Ludwig. Peter lets out an annoyed grunt as Arthur smacks his hand half-heartedly again. Matthew whispers something, and Alfred laughs loudly, suddenly jumping up and down, saying something.

Ludwig doesn't hear them; he can only hear his own heartbeat which somehow drowns out every other sound, like they were all meaningless. Ludwig glances at Alfred as the self-proclaimed hero grins brightly and makes a mock salute to his twin, who grumbles something, making the blue eyed teen laugh.

_You may be the hero of WB School of Historical Education…_

_Alfred… but… You…_

_But you can never be mine._

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><p><strong>AN** : Please review this chapter and tell me how I did~ Anymore questions? I can answer some of them- just not all of them D:! Please give me a reason to keep writing them xD! I have a few more chapters in my computer waiting to be posted that have most of the answers to your questions and if you want them to come out fast... the best way is to review... (OH NO! NOW I SOUND GREEDY!)

But anyways... It makes me feel giving xP! (Did I make myself look any better?) AND THANK EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED MY OTHER STORY, _Ice_! I know the summary sucked, but its true, eh? _Ludwig is ice._

**PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER. THANK YOU!**


	12. Chapter 10 : Don't get It

**Warnings :** ... Nothing really at all, but to all you guys who think Francis is crazy there IS Francis in here... And uhhh... Yeah thats really all :) NOT MY PERSONAL BREIF THOUGH (FRANCIS IS AWESOME xD!)

**A/N :** I just think Francis deserves to his own warning ;D... He isn't bad in this chapter, he's just hinting some stuff... ish lol! BTW I hope you all like the story so far! I'm really really happy at **ALL** reviews I got- THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY! I'm always loud and happy and squeaky when I see them!

I don't take French in school. I take German (even if I feel all sick and scared whenever we play speaking games xD) I don't know how to speak French, at all, so- if I said something wrong, please tell me- I don't wanna look real stupid for, like, ever!

Please continue to make my day, da? *_creepy smile_* I'M JOKIN'! Anyways- :D... Please enjoy this chapter~!

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><p><strong>Chapter 10 : Don't get It<strong>

Ludwig glances at Alfred who jumps up, saying something cheerfully to him. Ludwig couldn't help but ignore the other teen; he was annoying in a simple term. Wanting to be the hero, to save people, and yet… And yet Ludwig hated him for it.

_If you're a hero, where the… where were you?_

_Idiot, there aren't any heroes anymore._

_They've all been beaten down… Or they leave…_

"You got it, dude?" Alfred grinned brightly at the other boy.

"I don't think he was listening!" Peter said angrily as he saw Ludwig's flash of confusion. Alfred pouts suddenly, his blue eyes mixing with sorrow. Ludwig shakes a little. He should have been paying attention, now he looked so rude! "You can't just ignore people you know! Didn't your mother teach you any manners? My mother would have yelled at me for not listening!"

_Yes, my mother taught me manners…_

_And my mother would have beaten me senseless…_

_I'm sorry…_

"I'm sorry," Ludwig says softly, his voice calm. "I wasn't paying attention, could you-?"

"I'll say it, you wanker!" Arthur shoots at Alfred. "He could probably barely understand a bloody word slipping from your mouth! You spoke with no self control, and on top of that you started to get off topic, no wonder he couldn't understand!" Alfred glances at Ludwig, and says in a calm voice, "All Alfred said was that summer classes are closed up in divisions, dorm divisions to be exact. We have five divisions, A, B, C, D and E. You're in dorm E. Everyone in dorm E is going to be in your summer classes and at the end of each week, on Sunday, we have a tournament. The younger males have dorm C. Since there are more boys here than girls, we have dorm D and E. The girls' dorm section is only A and B. Younger is A and older is B."

"Okay, thank you," Ludwig keeps his voice level though he desperately wanted to ask who was in his dorm division. He wanted to know if his brother would be in his group.

_Will I get to see brother?_

_Will Gilbert remember me…?_

_Or am I… not good enough to be loved by anyone?_

"I'll have that bloody wanker, Ivan, bring you around to meet everyone. He and most of the other students are… Hmmm… Lets just say he's… well-known in the school."

"Yeah, to his victims!" Alfred growls loudly. He clenches his hands into fists. "I'll get him to leave them alone one of these days! He shouldn't-…" Alfred sighs as he mumbles the rest as he receives a glare from the British teen. "But right now I have to drop you off at the dorm. Ivan is probably waiting for you."

"Okay," Ludwig grumbles. Alfred waves to the two other teens and child before leading Ludwig back to the dorm. Half way there, from what Ludwig could guess, Alfred stops. He glances back at Ludwig with weary eyes. A small smirk tugged at his lips before he opened his mouth to speak.

"Oh there you are Alfred, _mon chéri_ (my dear)! You're late!" A teenager with blue eyes, shoulder length blond hair, slightly wavy, comes running up. He was quickly tying his hair up in a loose pony tail; he grabbed Alfred's arm, "_Bonjour _(Good morning/Good day/Hello) - I'm sorry, little _Monsieur _(Sir), but I must steal my precious Al from you! He is very much needed for the project we are making at the moment! I'm sure you understand! _Au Re_-"

"W-wait, Francis! This is my freakin' partner! I can't leave him here all by himself!"

"Partner?" Francis stops and glances back at the other blond teenager. His smile suddenly becomes undeniably creepy and predatory. Ludwig shifts his weight, trying not to grimace under the French teenager's stare. "He's _new…_ how new would you say, my dear Alfred?"

_He's French…?_

_And what does he mean 'how new?'_

_What does that really matter?_

"Eh, dude... I don't know a day, maybe?" Alfred shrugged.

"Ah… so he hasn't heard-"

"Nope not about you yet," Alfred prompted the French boy who's smile grew. Alfred had his own funny smile on his face now. "Amazing, I know! I mean, usually Artie warns them all 'bout you. He must have thought my partner could take care of himself!" There is an undeniably proud tone to his voice now as he grins broadly to the French teen.

_I can take care of myself._

_I've been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember._

_Why would I need help now?_

"Really now?" Francis's eyes widen and he places a hand on his chest in disbelief. "Alfred, you mean to say my darling and your lovely self haven't warned him yet?" Francis takes a step towards Ludwig and places a hand on the other blond's shoulder. Ludwig tried not to stiffen at the touch. Francis leaned closer to use his free hand to cup Ludwig's cheek, Ludwig was about to break away and run, but Alfred grabbed Francis's arm and pulled him off of the other teen. Francis pouted before he turned back around to grin at Ludwig, waggling his eyebrows at him in a provocative manner, but Ludwig was completely clueless to the action, and it only added to his anxiety. "Would you like me to walk you to your summer class, it would be a great honor if you'd allow-"

"He's _mine_, _my_ partner! Not yours, Francis!" Alfred frowns, saying what he felt like he'd been saying all day to someone else. Francis laughs now.

"Of course, of course!" Francis glances back to Ludwig. Ludwig feels nervous as he realizes that was the way Ivan had been staring at him when they first met. Francis finally takes his eyes from Ludwig to look at Alfred with a smile. "I remember my own cute little partner, my beloved Arthur! But I must admit… this new boy is quite pretty… I'm sure everyone will appreciate such a nice addition to the school, I'll be sure to try and win him over the moment your little partnership is over," Francis chuckles a little darkly.

_That's the same thing Ivan called me._

_I'm not pretty._

_This situation is also degrading…_

"He's my partner! Don't forget that, ever! And I'm not gonna let him go! Besides I think Ivan wouldn't let you touch him because he wanted to hide him from me too. He probably realized how pretty he is. Oh, and yeah, if Artie was here right now, he'd call you," Alfred clears his throat. "A 'bloody frog'," Francis rolls his eyes dramatically at Alfred who had mocking the British teen's accent perfectly.

_Hide me? From what?_

_And- I'M NOT PRETTY._

_Why is everyone saying that! It's only because they can't see my ugliness right now…_

_And I'm right here. Why are they talking around me?_

"Oh shush!" Francis frowns now, pouting slightly. "But you better watch him, Alfred. He's Ivan's roommate, like you said. And you're right… Ivan has probably realized how pretty his roommate is, he's probably trying to win him first… and you have the short end of stick… Ivan has all night with him." The words are said in a manner intended to hint something, but what, Ludwig couldn't tell. Then the wavy blond teenager glances at Ludwig and winks, a wide smile on his lips, showing his white teeth. "Off that subject, if you ever get lonely and need any company… for anything at all, _anything_, I would _love_ if you-"

"I'm going to take this guy to Artie, think you can make it back?" All Ludwig can do is nod at his partner who is currently covering the other blond's mouth. Alfred grins at Ludwig before waving as he turned around to lead the other away. "Your room is down the hall, Room 35, sorry!"

"_Au_ _Revoir, Monsieur_~ (Good bye, sir)" Francis calls, blowing kisses.

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><p><strong>AN :** ... Teehee... I like Francis~ (not as much as Ludwig but whatever!) THANK YOU FOR READING~

Please be kind enough to drop me a review!


	13. Chapter 11 : What was that?

*****Dedicated to September 11th victims, survivors and those who lost a love one*****

**Warnings : **None

**A/N : **I got a question... This is the answer! Ludwig is about fourteen, fifteen at the most, thirteen at the least! (I don't have his birthday and since he's adopted I decided to keep his real age and birthday a... mystery?) Ivan is 17. Alfred is 14, and Gilbert is 16… And I think that's all that really matters right now!

Enjoy the chapter~

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><p><strong>Chapter 11 : What was that?<strong>

Ludwig looked around, forgetting the door number Alfred had said. He bit his lip as he turned around, he let out an alarmed yelp as someone touched his shoulder. He spun around ready to feel the fist against his cheek for being so loud, but it never happened. He opened his eyes, forgetting when he closed it, to see his confused looking roommate, staring at him.

"A-Ah! Hello Ivan! I'm so sorry!" Ludwig's voice squeaked now. He took in a deep breath, feeling much better now that it wasn't who he thought it was. The suddenness of it all had scared him. Ludwig shook a little as Ivan looked taken aback.

"Oh? Its okay!" Ivan smiled sweetly at the other. "I didn't mean to frighten you, I thought I made enough noise but…" Ivan chuckles now, it was a little darkly. Ivan quickly added a quirky giggle as if to even it out now. "I guess I didn't, sorry!"

"N-no, I was just thinking, its my fault. I-"

Ivan pressed his hand against his mouth to muffle his own laughter. "I-I'm sorry! You-you don't need to apologize so much, da!"

"I-I-" Ludwig's face reddened even more.

_What do I say now?_

_Shouldn't I apologize for having said sorry so many times!_

_I-I made him upset I should say-_

"Oh!" The Russian teen suddenly smiled brightly. "I need to walk you to the meeting! No one's allowed to know your name yet! I can't wait for everyone to see you!" Ivan tried to smile at the last statement, but it faltered. A tiny thoughtful, but dark, frown made its way to his face.

_He doesn't seem very excited about me meeting everyone though._

_Hm._

_I shouldn't think so much about it…_

"Come on," Ivan reached for Ludwig's hand, taking it before the blond could speak. Ivan entwined their fingers and lifted their hands up for Ludwig to see. Ivan couldn't help the growing grin on his face when he saw Ludwig's cheek flush and look of confusion flash across the younger boy's face. "Your hands are warm,"

Ludwig felt his cheeks heat up a little more at the comment, quickly looking down as he felt complete and utter confusion. He'd never held anyone's hand really, nothing more than a handshake and-and… Ivan brought the hands to his lips and gently placed a tiny kiss on the top of Ludwig's hand. A tiny noise of surprise and fear made it ways to the blond boy's lips. He couldn't help the fact his body stiffened up, unfamiliar to the strange but heart warming action.

Ivan dropped their hands down, but he didn't let go.

_W-what was that!_

Ivan didn't look back at Ludwig's face as he started to walk to the room. All Ludwig could see was the older boy's back and a bit of his cheek, which was a light pink, not that Ludwig really actually noticed that. Ivan's beige blond hair hanging down, his shoulder's seemed to slump a little suddenly.

_I-I… I'm sorry…_

And Ludwig felt horrible for squeaking.

_Why do I have to be so scared…?_

_He isn't going to hurt me… He wasn't going to!_

_Why do I have to be so scared all the time!_

_Not everyone is out to get me…_

Ludwig glances down at their hands. Connected, but somehow so far apart at the moment. Ludwig bit his lips harshly as he stared at their hands, following the older boy mutely.

_She ruined me…_

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><p><strong>AN :**I'm an American. Today is September 11th. 10 years ago today, the most deadly act of terrorism in American history happened… I'm dedicating this chapter to all of those who lost their lives (RIP) or lost a love one and all of the survivors… It isn't much, I know, but I still have to do something. I couldn't write a FF without crying my eyes out because… Well, you all understand!

_America will Never Forget_

I hope you liked this chapter, please drop me a review!


	14. Chapter 12 : Leaders of Dorm E

**Warning** : Uhhh... OOCs? I added some more characters, one I kind of made because he isn't in Hetalia but he's a nation and another that isn't mentioned much in Hetalia so... But I added my own spin on each character! Becuase I didn't want them to dress too traditionally, this story takes place in America, I just mixed their styles up a little without (trying to) change their character completely XD **GUESS WHO THEY ARE** when you are done reading! And if you find anything I said offensive... SUPER Sorrry D: I didn't want to seem mean about anyhting but... yeah... It might just have made you hurt a little inside :... SORRY!

Oh and for the new characters, you probably won't see them all too much in later chapters but this chapter does make me laugh and kind of sets the mood for the next chapter... ish! There isn't much to warn about in here now that I finally stopped ranting but... Lets just say... Ludwig is... pretty darn cute... And... _YEAHHHHH_... HOPE YOU LIKE IT~

**A/N** : Since my author note was pretty much the warning... I have nothing to really say but I LOVE EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN READING/REVIEWING/CHATTING WITH ME/FAVORITING THIS STORY~!

ON WITH THE STORY! ENJOY~

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><p><strong>Chapter 12 : Leaders of Dorm E<strong>

Ivan opened the door and smiled at Ludwig warmly. His violet eyes were a bit off, and Ludwig couldn't help himself when he looked down. Ludwig walked into the room. He glanced around to realize there were at least eight other people in the room.

"These are the only people that matter in our dorm division, da. They're the head of their own parts." Ivan informed the youngest blond quickly and quietly. Ludwig nodded. "This is dorm E," Ivan says louder so the rest can hear him, announcing that he was here. "We're all _friends_ here." A soft fit of sudden 'kol kol kol' rang throughout the room. Ludwig shivered at the sound and so did a few other teens, the smaller ones. There were two, only two, that laughed. The rest, that hadn't shivered, simply sat silently and acted as if the Russian had made no noise at all.

"L-Like, we are _totally_ not friends!" A Polish teen tries to growl, but it comes out a bit squeaky and high pitched. Ivan glances at the Pole before turning to stare at the other teen next to him, the Lithuanian teen, who's face had fallen into complete fear. The Polish boy noticed that and protectively put his arm out, still trying to glare at Ivan though he was shaking.

_Why is he wearing a skirt?_

_W-wait… Is that a boy or a girl?_

_It-its in the boy's dorm so it has to be a boy…?_

"H-hey! Like, don't, like, look at Toris like that! Leave him alone you big fat bully!"

"What was that Feliks? I didn't quite catch that, da?" Ivan asks sweetly, a soft giggle. Ivan's voice dipped in honey. Feliks's eyes widen now at the voice. The cross dresser pales automatically before he takes a step back, his hands were shaking at his sides.

"M-me and Toris are- are like totally… like, we have to, um, like go!" Feliks grabs the brunette's wrist before rushing out of the room. The door slams shut, and a tall boy, one of the two who had laughed at Ivan, stood up from his seat in the corner. Another teen, a Greek with longish, wavy brownish hair and lazy look in his green eyes, one of the ones who had been silent through the scary noise, smirked lightly at the teen who stood up.

"Scared them away already, Ivan? Didn't you say this was important and we all had to be here for this? You shouldn't waste our time like that." The Turkish teen laughed lightly. He smirked at Ivan. Ludwig noticed the black jacket, hood up, and the white mask that was on the top half of his face. The Turkish teen realized he was being stared at and saw the blond. He advanced towards Ludwig until he was only a few steps in front of him, the whole time a smirk played on his lips.

"_H-hallo_ (hello)," Ludwig hated the way his voice suddenly squeaked. The masked teen didn't seem to notice nor care as he reached for Ludwig's hand. Ludwig didn't know what to do and let the him take his hand. Ludwig shivered when he saw Ivan glaring daggers at the teen holding his hand. Sadiq pressed his lips against the gloved hand before bringing his head down to press his forehead against the hand. Sadiq couldn't hold back the grin when he felt his 'friend' silently cursing him.

_W-why is he kissing my hand!_

_A handshake would have done fine!_

_And why is Ivan glaring at me?_

"Hello… My name is Sadiq. I'm a Junior… at your service."

"Damn _fucking_ right!" A sudden loud boy, with unruly blond hair, jumped from his seat to quickly take the Turkish teen's place in front of Ludwig. The Danish teen had also been the second, and last, to laugh at Ivan. He wore a black suit, red tie and red cuffs. He touched Ludwig's cheek with one hand, all the while a smirk playing on his lips, before reaching for Ludwig's hand to give it a quick kiss. Ludwig's mouth dropped a little at the action, and he felt a little headed and sick. He had to hold himself back from jumping away. "You're pretty fuckin' hot for such a little brat! My name's Mathias…" The suit wearing teen pointed at himself, a grin full of self confidence and self importance placed on his face. "Junior, _for-fucking-ever_ at your service."

_W-what's wrong with them all!_

_I want to shake someone's hand-_

_And why is Ivan so angry? I-I didn't do anything wrong, did I?_

"Back off, da?" Ivan says cheerfully though he wearing a grimace more than a smile. His violet eyes dark, and there was a purple, almost black, aura radiating from him. Sadiq just smirked a little, the other boy burst full-out laughing. Doubling over with an evil twinkle in his eyes.

"He's right, Mathias." One of the teens who had been silent through the laughter said coldly. The Dane looked over at him, a slight pout on his face. "You should watch how you act, or the other Danes will replace you with that other boy…" The teen had short but slightly messy blond hair. He was tall, and he wore glasses to cover his sea blue eyes. "Hello, please excuse Mathias's behavior… By the way, I'm in charge of maintaining the Swedes. My name is Berwald. I'm a Sophomore."

"Hmph," The other teen who hadn't made a noise or even seemed to notice Ivan's laugh stood up, he took a step towards Ludwig. He slapped Ludwig's shoulder; it was in a friendly manner, but Ludwig stiffened automatically at the gesture. A lazy smile formed on his face, his eyes cheery but sleepy. "My name is Heracles… I'm honored to meet you, I'm also a Sophomore." He paused before he yawned, he reached down to pet a cat that Ludwig hadn't noticed was in the room. "You're the first German student to be placed into this dorm division. They are usually placed in Dorm D… But I do hope you enjoy your stay… don't try to switch dorms on us, with how the others are reacting to you, I'm sure everyone will come to love you. I already find myself attract-"

_Attracted?… Vt. To draw somebody's attention… why would I-?_

_**Ack mein Gott** (oh my God)-! Did they-…_

_Did they see my scars already?_

"It would seem my _friends_ all need to learn some manners… da?" Ivan growled louder, his voice now not even trying to be happy or high pitched anymore. The Greek boy chuckled now.

"I'm only saying Ivan…"

"And I only told you to watch yourself." Ivan's eyes turned deadly. The Greek teen shivered now under the death glare. Looking away, before Sadiq was suddenly in front of Ivan. Both of them glaring at each other, Ludwig realized how cold it was suddenly, shivering slightly.

"You can watch yourself Ivan." The Turk growled now. Ivan glared back. The Greek took a step back to watch the two older boys circle each other like lions ready to attack each other. "You don't play with other people's toys, remember?"

"I am _not_ a **toy**." The Greek growled. His eyes dark and suddenly he looked more into the conversation, maybe even more awake at the moment. The older two didn't seem to be paying any attention though, and he was left alone. "If you ever-"

"I can mess with whoever I feel like." Ivan growled back.

_W-what are they talking about…?_

"So we're calling people subjected to our bullying 'toys' now?" The Dane laughed loudly. He glanced over his shoulder, hands on his hips, to grin at Berwald. "Since I'm the king, I'd prefer to call them my loyal-loser subjects though! Because they're under me, ya know? But that's really funny! I guess that makes Berwald my toy!"

"Mathias." Berwald growled threateningly now. "Watch what you say."

"I believe we came in here to meet the new boy, aru!" A voice said slightly annoyed, but it sounded a bit feminine too. "Not to start another round of foolish fights! I believe I remember the last time you fought, your subdivisions were brought into the fight. The teachers really will think we really are gang leaders, aru!"

_Aru?_

_O-oh its another boy…_

_Why is everyone so… aggressive here… or girly-looking?_

"Oh!" Ivan suddenly turned away from Sadiq, seeming to slightly ignore the other boy who had spoken and got them to stop arguing. "Yeah! I almost forgot!" Ivan turned to look at Ludwig, he grabbed Ludwig's hand gently. "This is my roommate, you will formally be introduced on Sunday at dinner, da!" He paused because his smile became creepy. "I expect you all to be here to greet him into our school."

There were a few nods and murmurs in agreement and dismissal.

No one failed to see or ignored the dark look in Ivan's eyes now though.

The two Asians who hadn't moved from their spot in the back moved to the front now. The smaller one had black hair put up in a pony tail. The other had slightly shortert, slightly messy black hair. The smaller one wore slightly traditional clothing, while the taller did not.

"I'm Yao, aru. It is a pleasure to meet you," The smaller of the two Asians said, a small smile. He reached out to shake Ludwig's hand formally. Ludwig couldn't help himself when he smiled slightly at the normal and slightly comforting gesture. "I am a Senior."

"He's not the only Senior though," The other Asian laughed. The other one had a cheery smile on his lips as he quickly took the others place, shaking Ludwig's hand a little messily and childishly. "I'm the other Senior, and I'm the best at everything, you know? I was the one that invented that pencil method in cheating, the one when-"

"That one has been around forever, aru!"

"Ha!" The Korean pointed a pencil, which Ludwig did not even notice he had, at the smaller looking Asian, an evil glint in his eyes and a wicked smile on his lips. "Yao is just jealous 'cuz I invented it, and pretty much everything else in the world, and not him!" The older paused before grinning back at Ludwig. "Just remember, kid, I made everything! I can give you a whole list of things I made- Like that math short cut and that other Reading tip and-"

"We learned those in Fifth grade." The Greek boy mumbles.

"Did not!" The Korean whined. "I made it up!"

"Just leave Im to what he," Yao made to air quotations. "Created, aru."

"But I did!"

"Hey, you guys? Classes are about to start in a few minutes," A quiet teen, that Ludwig also didn't realize was right there. The teen was tall, and his skin was a nice bronze color, and he had dark honey colored eyes. He was wearing a light colored beanie on his head. He had a long sleeved tan shirt and a pair of shorts with sandals. "Hello, I'm Gupta… I'm a Junior." Than Ludwig saw another teen, an equally quiet and kind looking boy, he had simple, dark colored eyes and hair. His eyes were calm and he had a nice tan, though it wasn't overly done or too dark. He was wearing the Star of David around his neck. "This is Ari, he doesn't like to talk much. Don't ask why. Even I don't know."

"I do talk." The boy's voice was soft. His hand went to grasp the star. "Excuse me, but I do not like talking while others are speaking. Its quite rude and I do not understand why most of the people in my Dorm Division are so aggressive towards each other."

"We aren't always aggressive." The Greek mumbles. He pouts at the Jewish boy who stared back before turning away. "Anyways," The Greek suddenly smiled slightly at Ludwig, "I'm pleased to meet such a _beautiful_ boy, I was wondering if I could maybe p-"

"Were you the one who started making nude portraits too?" The Turk quickly asked the Korean teen who glanced back at him, a suddenly perky smile at the question though he did not appear to realize the whole question's meaning. The smaller Asian's face reddened before he quickly looked away from his friend.

"Of cou- Wait what?" Im's mouth dropped as he realized what the Turk had asked. Yao face palmed.

"What are you trying to allude?" The Greek asked lazily to the Turk who smirked.

"He better not be trying to _allude_ anything." Ivan growled, his eyes still dark. Sadiq laughed, giving Ivan a slight pat on the back. Ivan looked ready to bite Sadiq's hand off.

"Of course not!"

_Why are… Why are they so confusing?_

_And nude portraits? I hope I heard wrong…_

_I'm afraid I've gone mad…_

"THE BELL JUST RUNG! RUN, HURRY!" Im shouts, rushing out of the room, his hand around Yao's wrist as he drags the smaller Asian away. Im quickly turns around to flash a prize winning grin at Ludwig. "SEE YA LATER NEW KID~"

"Yeah, see you later, aru!"

"We have to go too. Only you and Ivan are permitted to not have to go to classes today. The Principal sent us a note to give you," Gupta, the Egyptian teen, hands Ludwig a note with a golden crest of the world on it. "She said she wanted you to show him around our dorm. Alfred would do the whole campus." Gupta quietly informed Ivan, looking away, almost like he didn't want to meet the other teen's eyes.

"Thank you, Gupta," Ludwig mumbles, nodding his head.

"Of course... I must get going now."

Goodbyes were quickly shouted or whispered before the room was emptied of everyone but Ivan and Ludwig. The bell rang again and it became completely silent. Ludwig looked up Ivan who's face stared blankly at the door before a slight smile twitched at his lips.

"I'll give you a tour of the dorm than,"

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><p><strong>AN** : Okayyyy! I don't know how many OOCs I had or how bad a job I did but I get the feeling it was pretty bad xD... Sorry!

I know that Im is normally the youngest of the Asian countries but... I had to make him older- Actually, I wanted to... But whatever D:! I also know/think I kind of messed up Sadiq and Mathias's personality! Did I? I think I did, but I'm such a nervous wreck about everything and pretty much anything its funny, so just tell me if I did or not! _Bitte _(Please)?

**Please Review~?**


	15. Chapter 13 : The Pink Scarf

**Warnings** : Nothing right now... :D

**A/N** : Its been awesome watching this story grow xD...

Oh and just so you all know, right now the story is going to be about school life and such for our favorite little Luddie...~ At least the next few chapters... Than we get... deeper... *laughs darkly* THEN I'll need warnings again xD

Anyways~ Drop me a review after you finish reading!

**Edit** : (9/21/11) Saw some ugly mistakes o-o!

**P.S** to all the readers who are beginning to wonder how long Ludwig will... stay sane... stay tuned after for the A/N at the bottom. It may or may not help you. Its a HINT!

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><p><strong>Chapter 13 : The Pink Scarf<strong>

"This is our dorm room, but you know that!" Ivan says cheerfully, pointing to the room that Ludwig had been in. Room 35E. "I want to tell you where everyone else that matters will be staying. The rooms in between don't really matter much unless you want to make some friends with people who paid to come here. Most of us who matter got scholarships were elected to govern over our little subdivisions, or races, whatever you want to call it. We usually just consider ourselves countries. You don't really have to bother asking the teachers about us. They know about it, but they didn't assign us to do it or anything. We chose to do this ourselves. Besides some of them think we're gang leaders, da!" Ivan giggles now.

_Did he say gang leaders?_

_Oh crap!_

_What have I gotten myself in to?_

"That's nice," Ludwig whispered, his voice tiny.

"Are you okay?" Ivan turns now, to look at the smaller blond who winced slightly. "I'm sorry that they weren't very considerate of your feelings," Ivan frowned a little before his cheeks heated up a little and a sheepish smile was placed onto his lips. "Sorry Ludwig! I don't think I have either, but I want to express that I think you are a very-"

_What is he trying to say?_

_Very what?_

_I hope he isn't going to say something stupid to me!_

"A-a very good person!" Ivan finishes quickly as a teacher appears suddenly, the Russian teen seemed a little surprised and thrown off at the sudden appearance of the tall man. The man had pale, white skin and dark eyes and a long white beard. He looked really old.

"Hello Ivan," The teacher smiles, he's old, but he seems to be a little cold towards the older teen who grimaces slightly before forcing a cheery smile on his face.

"Good morning Mr. Winter." Ivan says calmly. "I was told by Gupta that Ludwig and I wouldn't have to appear for our classes today? I am absolutely positive that I have that note somewhere-" Ivan had started to dig into his pocket.

"I know that," The teacher notes. He has a thoughtful look on his face. "I just wanted you to know not to say anything unnecessary. I overheard what you were talking about right now, and I've heard all about what you were thinking and what the other students are already starting to talk about. I usually stay out of these little student scrabbles things, but I feel that you are starting to overstep your boundaries with your roommate."

"Me?" Ivan asks innocently, pointing a finger at himself in disbelief; his violet eyes wide with innocence now. Ludwig shifts uncomfortably, not liking the sudden attention he was getting now that the teacher, who had turned his attention to him and not Ivan. "I would never do that." Ivan's voice has a mocking and dark hint, but it is hidden well enough. "Besides, I still have to show Ludwig around, you are in the way right now, so if you would pardon us, Mr. Winter..."

"Of course, Ivan." The teacher, for some reason or another, snarls at the student. Ludwig cannot help that he was starting to shake lightly at the action. He wasn't ready to start seeing adults act that way again, not yet, it was much too soon. Ivan noticed this and smiles slightly though there was complete annoyance now.

"Thank you," Ivan grabs Ludwig's hand and drags him off a little farther. Ludwig is still shaking though. Ivan stares at him for a second before a suddenly happy smile appears on his lips. He slips the pink scarf off his neck and wraps it around Ludwig's. "It will keep you warm; I always feel cold around Mr. Winter too, his last name is a lot more meaningful than people think, da?"

_If only it was just the cold..._

"_J-ja _(yes)," Ludwig stammered, blushing at the heart warming action. Ivan smiles brightly again at the blond before he reaches down to grab Ludwig's hand, and for some reason or another, for once in his life, Ludwig feels like he truly belongs again.

If he's careful, maybe this time, he won't be left behind again.

"I got that scarf from my sister when I was younger, da," Ivan suddenly says as they walk down the hall. Ivan smiles warmly at the thought before turning to smile happily at Ludwig. Ludwig automatically feels the urge to give it back because it seemed precious to the other student. "It was when I was living in Russia still, my older sister knew I was cold, and it was hers, but she gave it to me anyways,"

"R-really?"

"Yes, but it before she came here. She was the first to come here; my younger sister and I came at the same time. I was fourth grade, and she was in first. The reason they let her come with me was becauseâ€¦" A soft fit of 'kol kol kols.' And a dark smile on Ivan's face. "Hmmm! Lets just say I'm very persuasive, da?"

Ludwig couldn't help but laugh at that. A smile broke across his face, and he covered his mouth to try and stop the laughing. Ivan laughed too, swinging their connected hands now. Ludwig stopped covering his mouth and actually laughed.

It was strange how new it felt.

When was the last time he laughed openly?

Suddenly Ludwig pulled away from Ivan to wipe away at the tears that weren't there, but they felt like they wanted, no _should_, to be there. Ludwig gritted his teeth, hating that he wanted to cry, and he couldn't even summon any tears.

"What's wrong?" Ivan asked, his voice full of concern now. He placed a hand gently on Ludwig's shoulder now. Ludwig tried not to shake as he rubbed his eyes harder.

_I shouldn't get too attached._

_That would be a bad thing!_

_I'm selfish, and I don't want to get hurt again!_

The smaller blond teenager forced a sheepish smile on his face now sorrowful blue eyes meeting bright, concerned violet. "Sorry Ivan, I got-got something in my eyes,"

"Oh? Okay than," Ivan says softly. Suddenly he spins around to point at another door. "This is where Sadiq and Hercules live. Room 43E. Sadiq is in charge of keeping the Turks under control. Hercules has to watch the Greeks." A few more doors down, Ivan pointed to another door. "Room 45E, this is where Gupta and Ari live! Gupta watches the kids from Egypt to make sure they get along with the other students, and Ari watches the kids from Israel to make sure no one is bugging them, da?"

"Okay," Ludwig mumbles. He watches as Ivan reaches back to grab his hand. He doesn't pull away or give the older any reason to let go. Ludwig can feel his own hand tightening against the older teen's hand. He can see the older boy's face slightly, it's a light pink and he's smiling, but he's leading the younger someplace else.

Not too long later they get to another door. "This is where Im and Yao live, da!" Ivan says cheerfully, a really bright smile on his slightly flushed face. "Im watches and keeps the Korean kids under control and Yao keeps an eye on the kids from China," Ivan tugs the younger back now. "We have to down back to our rooms. Down the hall from ours is where the other two are,"

"Alright," Ludwig mumbles. The two finally get to their dorm, but they travel a few doors down to room 29E. Ivan smiles brightly at Ludwig.

"This is where Toris and Feliks live, Toris does his best to keep his eyes on the Lithuanians and Feliks tries to keep the Poles down." Than Ivan walks to down a bit more to room 21E, he points at the door with a dark glare. "This is where Berwald and Mathais live. Mathais is failing at watching the Danes. They are getting a little out of control. And I believe you heard Berwald talking, the Danes, at least, the smart ones, are talking about replacing the mindless idiot, but Berwald is doing a good job at watching the Swedes and a bit of the roughhousing Danes, da?"

Ludwig gives Ivan a nod. Ivan smiles sweetly.

"Just so you know, not all of the rooms are occupied. Half of the ones in our dorm is actually empty, all the dorms are like that. They usually place students who don't work well with people alone in them... Oh! Only thirty-one out of the fifty rooms are being used in our dorm right now!" he pauses when Ludwig nods stiffly. "Do you want to watch practice? On Sunday, the tournament is going to be on basketball. Next week is going to be some other sport we practice and learn for a week. The coach said we were excused from playing the game this week since it's the end of the week already, no point in training you for the game right now, da!" Ivan smiles. He sighs as he takes a few steps before going to open their dorm room door open. Ludwig walks in, Ivan at his side. "We can watch a movie if you want I don't feel like watching our team practice,"

"What type of movies do you have?" Ludwig asks quickly.

"What about the movie we-... never finished?" Suddenly Ivan got a funny look on his face, looking a little concerned before he forced another fake, cheery smile on his face. "I can get some soda for you if you'd like-" Ludwig shakes his head.

"I'm fine," Ludwig smiles.

"Okay than," Ivan says cheerfully. Watching the movie back now, Ludwig realized he didn't remember a single thing about it. He glances at Ivan, who worried glance back him. Ludwig tried not to look confused as he fiddled with his thumbs, trying to watch the movie again. Ivan couldn't help whenever he kept peeking at Ludwig. Ludwig couldn't understand why he was being peeked at. He must have done something stupid yesterday or something, but he didn't know what right now.

_I-I was drunk yesterday._

_I don't remember what happened, but right now it seems pretty important..._

_What did I do?_

"Ivan?"

"W-what?" Ivan sits up quickly, turning to look at the younger blond. The Russian teenager places a phony, calm smile on his face as Ludwig looks at him. Ludwig bites his lips and rethinks what he wanted to say in the first place. "What is it, da?"

"Did I- Did I do something yesterday?" Ludwig grumbles the last part as his cheeks flush a little, now that he said it out loud it sounded completely idiotic. Ivan blinks before he looks a little confused, finally a bright smile suddenly appears on his lips.

"Wait, you don't remember last night?" Ivan's smile becomes even brighter when Ludwig shakes his head. "That's good!" Ivan can't help the soft sigh of relief that comes out of his lips. Ludwig looks even more confused before Ivan waves his hand in front of him in mock surrender. "Besides, it was nothing important, _really_, I was just a little just a little worried, that's all, da!"

"Oh, okay than," Ludwig whispers, eyes turning back to the movie. The German teen could feel his cheeks heat up a little bit more. Ivan chuckled softly. He stares at the movie. He stifles a yawn to himself, trying not to let his eyes flicker.

_Okay... well apparently I didn't do anything too bad..._

_...I can barely keep my eyes open..._

_**Gott**_ (God)..._ Why am I so tired lately...?_

Ludwig glances at the screen once more before he unconsciously leaned his head against Ivan's shoulder, closing his eyes. Within moments, everything slowly turned black.

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><p><strong>AN** : Well! How long will Ludwig be able to stay sane with everyone pushing? Ever so lightly and sometimes too strongly! First off, I'm not a drama queen in real life, so yeah, but I am a drama queen when it comes to writing. Mostly angst drama but its STILL _**drama**_ (main word here)! ...I hope you got it. I'm also referencing that to a review.

Not gonna say who reviewed (you'll see their lovely name when you look to check it out) but I HOPE YOU *points at reader while hoping it was the reviewer like a noob* ARE READING THIS!

I hope you all liked it~!

**AND PLEASE LEAVE ME A REVIEW! MAKES MY DAY~**


	16. Chapter 14 : Schi!

**Warnings** : Nothing in this chapter~ *laughs evilly*

**A/N** : While editing this chapter, I'm listening to Dusche by Farin Urlaub... I'm totally awesome xD! If you haven't heard it, you MUST listen to it! But not a very good song to edit stuff to D:!

Oh, I have a word to say about the next chapter, so stay tuned until the end again? _Bitte_ (Please)?

And this chapter was a little... off the top of my head... I'm not even exactly sure Schi (Cabbage soup) is Russian. I looked it up (a lot) and it said it was, but than I worried and I wasn't really sure I wanted to post it, but I was like, "WHATEVER, IF I'M WRONG SOMEONE WILL CORRECT ME!" ... I hope xD I don't wanna look like an idiot forever!

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><p><strong>Chapter 14 : <strong>_**Schi**_**!**

The blond teenager slowly woke up, his head still leaning against something warm and unbelievably soft, like a pillow. Ludwig moved a little to see Ivan was sitting up, staring blankly at the screen before turning to look down at Ludwig. Ivan's violet eyes were darker than usual and his expression was slightly dark.

Ivan realized Ludwig was looking up at him and a smile broke across his face.

Ludwig realized the screen had turned blue.

"Ah, Ludwig! You're awake, da!" Ivan cheers softly. He tilts his head, violet eyes visibly becoming lighter and clearer suddenly. Before his eyes had seemed shady and slightly foggy, with what thoughts, Ludwig did not know. "Are you alright? You seem to sleep a lot, da… I don't mean to be rude or anything, but are you sick or something?"

Ludwig's cheeks heat up again, and he looks away.

His mother never approved of sleeping in or taking naps, even on the weekends. No matter how long he stayed up to do his homework or even if he had two sports practices in one day, he had to wake up early each and every morning. His adoptive mother did not care that he sometimes stayed up to read books or to complete school assignments.

But another reason he stayed up was fear.

Some nights he couldn't sleep.

All Ludwig could do was hide under his bed, laying flat on his back, staring at the darkness around him, hoping his mother would stop screaming and sobbing soon. That she would go to sleep, and then maybe he could go to bed as well.

That rarely ever happened though.

If he was lucky, she would cry or scream herself to exhaustion and finally sleep. Of course he wasn't lucky, luck was never on his side, she would always storm into his room, and he would be forced to reveal himself to her. She would beat him senseless and than she would go to bed.

Ludwig would be forced to tend to his wounds, than he'd get to go to sleep too. But that was only a few hours or four at most, he was never given the luxury of missing school. He would go to school tired, half asleep most of the time, but never once dared to nap in class. He was scared of the adults there too.

"I-I'm sorry," Ludwig says quickly. "I'm not sick… I'm really sorry; I-"

"_Nyet_ (No), its fine," Ivan laughs softly, smiling at Ludwig warmly. "We have to go to dining room now... it's nearly six-thirty! We can't be late, but we-… Actually, how would you like it if we ate here? I can cook you a Russian dish, da?" Ivan smiles even brighter now. "I'll tell the teachers and everything, so they won't worry, and you really will be revealed tomorrow!"

"O-Oh… Okay," Ludwig manages to smile though his heart sank a little.

_I guess I didn't…_

_I can look for Gilbert tomorrow…_

_I hope he remembers me… He has to remember, he has to!_

Ivan tilted his head, a tiny pout on his lips now, his eyes confused now. "Do you not…?"

"_Nein, es ist _(no, it is) - I mean its fine, I would love to taste Russian food!" Ludwig says quickly, smiling at the other boy. Ivan was… different, at least, that was what Ludwig thought. The Russian teenager seemed cheery and good natured; Ludwig couldn't understand why everyone had looked scared of him because Ivan seemed so kind.

"D-Da?" Ivan's face flushed a little and a smile grew on his face.

"Yeah," Ludwig smiles back.

"Okay!" Ivan jumps up cheerfully. "I'll call the Missis and tell her!"

"_Ja_ (Yes)," Ludwig says nodding as the other teen quickly went to call a number. It was another few minutes before Ivan came back. Ivan had a bright smile on his face again.

"I'll get started," The Russian teen paused thoughtfully for a second before glancing back at the blue eyed boy and tilting his head to the side, "Would you like to watch?"

"Would you mind if I helped?" Ludwig spoke before he even thought. He wasn't use to being cooked for because he usually cooked for himself… "I-I mean, if that's alright with-"

"_Nyet_ (No)! I don't mind! If you want to, you can!" Ivan grinned, grabbing Ludwig's hand before helping him towards the kitchen. The Russian teen quickly brought out an armful of ingredients, a sweet smile on his lips as he spilled them onto the table. "Let's make _Schi_, da? Its cabbage soup, its one of my favorite dishes! My sister, Katyusha, use to make it for us all the time,"

"R-really?" Ludwig blinked, cheeks flushing at what Ivan was saying. No one had ever… shared anything that personal with him… Not that he ever asked or had enough friends to actually let it happen, but it was _still_ the first time!

_S-should I really…_

_This is something special to him…_

_Is this really okay for him to be sharing this with me…?_

"Da (Yes)!" Ivan spoke cheerfully almost as if he could read Ludwig's thoughts, startling the younger blond teen. "I hope you like it as much as I did as a child~! Actually, it's been a while since I've had it! The last time I cook it was when I was with my sister… I haven't seen her in quite a while actually…"

"O-oh!"

"Da, but I'm very happy," Ivan smiles warmly. "Now we need to…"

And so they started to cook. Ludwig dices the tomatoes while Ivan cut the other vegetables.

_He-He seems really happy…_

_Ivan isn't a bully… he's too nice to be a bully…_

_I wonder why everyone else says he is…?_

It wasn't long after until the food was done cooking. Ivan finally brought a bowl of soup to the table, placing it in front of Ludwig with a bright smile on his face. "_Schi_! I hope you like it, da?" Ludwig nodded, face flushing a little as Ivan stared at him intently, a slight pout on his face. Ludwig blew on it until he deemed it fit enough to eat, than he took a spoonful and placed it into his mouth, intending to smile, no matter the taste, afterward and to give Ivan a nod in appreciation.

Ludwig's blue eyes widened a little, head snapping up to meet Ivan's eyes. Violet eyes stared into light blue eyes. Ludwig quickly looked down at the food, placing the spoon down, face flash flushing lightly now as he scratched his cheek self-consciously. "It- it tastes really good,"

"Really?" Ivan's voice a lot more manly than usually. His face had a slight smirk, half smile. Ivan's violet eyes sparked with amusement, and Ivan didn't seem to be faking anything. The smile was completely different from the tiny, cute smile that was usually pasted on his face.

"_Ja _(Yes), I never ate anything like it," Ludwig's face flushing now. "M-my mother never really cooked much, usually I did, and I-I'm not a very good cook so… I'm sorry! I'm starting to blabber-"

"Don't be sorry!" Ivan said brightly, but his voice wasn't high pitched anymore. It sounded low, deeper than Ludwig's and much more masculine now that he wasn't trying to make it higher. "I'm simply happy you enjoyed it so much…" Ivan's voice is suddenly shy before he smiles warmly at Ludwig. "You made my day,"

"Oh, you-you made mine too," Ludwig smiles back before he can stop himself. "Thank you Ivan."

"Your welcome, da~" Ivan smiles before leaving the room to get his own meal, seeming pleasantly surprised, and a little too flustered to really say anything else.

_Maybe... Its not too bad being here... Ivan is really nice..._

_...Even if Gilbert has forgotten me b__ut... I'll still try... I still have to try to make him remember... as long as he's willing..._

_But, wait-! **Bruder** (brother) would never forget me!_

_He promised, **Bruder** (brother) never broke his promises to me!_

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><p><strong>AN** : The next chapter will answer some more questions! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and as for the hint, it was SirLady's review! *hugs Sirlady* YOU'RE AWESOME! ANYWAYS- the next chapter is actually pretty... I like it xDDD... It kind of explains a few things and its Gilbert's first appearance! Key word people, **APPEARANCE**! Not much else to say but...

**PLEASE REVIEW :D?**


	17. Chapter 15 : Games

**Warnings** : Kids can be cruel. Mentions of child abuse. Angst-ish... kinda?

**A/N** : THIS IS SO LATE! I'm sorry! I was gonna post this like Friday, but my computer went- KAPUTT! And I died a little inside! But other than that, I was scared this doc (meaning the document holding this story) was dead or something! So i was happy when I found it alive- like four minutes ago lol!

Anyways, the next chapter is not done yet... DARN! But I'm gettin there! Hey- before you think I'm lazy, remember I'm a kid and a student and I have a short attention span! ITS RIVALS THAT OF A MONKEY- HA!

Enjoy~! I hope you pop me a review afterward, makes my day and I'll need it ;-;... DUMB SCHOOL!

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><p><strong>Chapter 15 : Games<strong>

Ludwig woke up drowsily, rubbing is eyes. He winced as he sat up, nearly falling out of the bed as he saw the time. He quickly scrambled to crawl under the bed now. He shivered before he shut his eyes. It was late, his mother should be bursting in here to yell at him any minute now, and he did not want to be sleeping or in bed when she did.

"_Eins… Zwei… Drie… _(One… Two… Three…)" A quiet, childishly scared voice whimpered softly to himself. Blue eyes squeezed shut, hands shaking at their sides.

**Footsteps.**

"_Vier… Fünf… Sechs… _(Four… Five… Six…)" The voice whispered faintly, pink lips barely moving, and the words barely forming in their owner's mouth.

**A knock.**

Ludwig held his breath, fear gnawing at his insides. He couldn't help the thin layer of sweat that started to form on his skin now.

_**Sieben… Acht… Neun… **__(Seven… eight… nine)_

**The knob turned.**

_**Zehn**__ (Ten)!_

"Ludwig? Are you awake yet? You should get ready because we are suppose to watch the Sunday games today! The main game today will be Dorm E v. Dorm D, da!" There was a few seconds of silence before Ivan tapped the door again. Ludwig couldn't help himself when he shook. "I'll be back in another five minutes… I'll have to wake you up if you still aren't awake by than, da…?"

The door closed silently, and Ludwig slowly got out.

_Where is __**Mutter**__ (mother)…?_

_Oh…_

_She isn't here…_

Ludwig silently went along, quickly deciding it would be best for him to get ready now. He turned the water on warm, smiling to himself now as he stripped, stepping into the warm water. He felt a slightly contented happiness, no one would find out about him… Involuntary blue eyes went to look at his arms, his eyes widened as he stared at the wounds, both new and old. He nearly lost his strength in his legs as it all came back to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" Ludwig spoke before he could shut himself up. He winced before he rubbed at his body. He glanced around the shower, water… There was _blood_ in the water. He let out a low whine as he realized he had scrubbed his scabs off.

Ludwig glances at his legs, bloody again. He slowly finishes washing his hair before getting out, careful bandage his legs properly. He wrapped some more bandages around his burned hands that had bloody blisters. He glanced at the back of his legs, horrible bloody reopened broken skin, light silver-white scars, even paler than his skin. He winces before looking at his arms. Bruised and red from the scrubbing. The few scratches were bleeding lightly again.

He had scrubbed himself raw again.

_I really have to stop doing that._

Ludwig slowly went into the living room to see Ivan sitting on the couch. Ivan grinned at the other boy before nodding at him to follow. The two teens walked down the hallway. "Our dorm division is at the gym right now warming up," Ivan says cheerfully. "The games will start in another half hour or so," Ludwig glances at the clock, it was nearly eleven twenty.

"Who plays in them?"

"Usually the best of the best… Meaning the Dorm leaders. This week I let some Russian kid take my place. Of course, sometimes we don't make it on the team, but we always make sure to get a kid from our country on the team. Just for good measure of course, da~"

"What game are they playing this week again?" Ludwig's cheeks flushed lightly, he knew Ivan had already said, but at the moment, it was the last thing on his mind.

"Basketball," Ivan smiles slightly. "The gym is going to be crowded by noon, and we'll have a hard time finding a seat; we should hurry,"

Ivan hurried rushed Ludwig into the gym, taking a seat in the seating labeled Division E. There were about another thirty kids already there, they had yellow flags in their hands. Waving them wildly and cheering for the letter E, for their fellow dorm mates. Ludwig's eyes widened as he glanced more around the gym. It was huge, now that he thought about it.

After glancing around a bit more he saw the spot for Dorm D students. The kids there were made up of green flags, being waved about and cheered of wildly. Ludwig couldn't help the smile that formed on his face as he saw the excitement about him. Then Dorm C, younger boys running around waving blue flags, chanting their letter only to start cheering for either Dorm E or D, usually picking up a green or yellow flag from the front of the gym where they were being given out by the teachers.

There were older girls, in Dorm B, who stood proudly in their red skirts or shorts and waved their red flags, chanting their letter along with another, usually the team they were rooting for, most of the time it was team D, though quite a few did say E. Than Dorm A, the younger girls dressed in pink, though some rebelliously wore less pink than others, added their favorite colors in bows or ribbons. The younger girls, however, did still wore mandatory uniforms which was usually disregarded as they got into high school for more normal clothes though most students wore uniform on Sundays or whenever there was a new student or for school assemblies.

"There are only about three hundred students who actually attend this school," Ivan whispered into Ludwig's ear. "Most of them are on the high school level." Ludwig nodded as someone smiled at him as they handed him a yellow flag, handing another to Ivan.

Ivan smiled brightly at the younger before waving the flag in the air. Suddenly more teenagers and children rushed in, adding even more colors, yellow, green, blue, red and pink everywhere. Everything that wasn't those main colors, were mostly black or white.

The students in the gym started to chant their letters before a small woman walked into the middle of the gym, waving her hand at them to quiet them. They almost silenced instantly. "My dear students, we present to you, our basketball tournament! The two main competitors today are Dorm division E-" Loud, noisy cheering blocked out the booing. Yellow flags and yellow silly string being spayed around, usually towards dorm D and anyone else who was booing. Some other teenagers threw yellow confetti Es in the air like it was some sort of celebration. The woman smiles before raising her hands. It quieted again. "-and of course Dorm division D!" More cheers but a mixed of boos and green silly string and green flags being waved and sprayed about. "Remember, losing side has to clean the other's dorm on Friday!"

"We aren't going to lose this time!" The crowd in green roared proudly, thrusting their flags up in the air and waving wildly. The yellow crowd booed and laughed and jeered.

"Now, now," The principal laughed softly. "We'll see…" The woman pauses, still smiling at the enthusiasm and cheerfulness of her students. "And now I'm proud to present to you, Dorm D!" Loud booing and cheering broke out as everyone screamed something. Some people said something nice or provocative or simply mean and spiteful. A whole team ran out, waving their hands, jogging and grinning as they got to the middle of the court.

"Introducing our beloved Dorm D team players," The coach, dressed in green, quickly said into the microphone. Knowing her cue, the principal exited the court, but she stayed by the stands. Ludwig's eyes automatically go to the silver blond boy who comes out of the crowd. Laughing and jeering with a spiteful smirk on his face.

"G-Gilbert…" Ludwig managed to get out a single word, his face flushing and everything was lighter suddenly. He couldn't help but doubt himself all over again when he saw Gilbert laugh, nearly doubling over with laughter before punching his teammate on the arm.

_He-… seems content…_

_S-Should I really… r-really be here right now…?_

_What if… I'm not… what if he doesn't _want_ to remember me?_

Ludwig glances down at his hands, clean and pure. But that was just the gloves hiding the dirt and blood under everything else… The young blond teen's stomach sunk as it twisted into a tight knot, making him want to puke. He bit his lip harshly.

_No!_

_No, I can't afford to think like that!_

_I-I'm not… Gilbert… my… he promised he wouldn't forget!_

_He does love me!_

Ludwig's hands clench into fists at his sides. He can feel his nails bite into his skin but he doesn't care, all he can see is Gilbert's grin. Ludwig shuts his eyes tightly, Gilbert's old half smirk-smile use to bring him so much comfort… And that… that comforting smirk had turned into… His smirk didn't look nearly as forced now that the younger blond thought about it.

Gilbert's grin didn't look nearly as… Not nearly as forced as the smirk that the older teen would always give him when he needed comfort. Ludwig couldn't help himself when his thoughts went back to the days when he was a child. When Gilbert protected him, that was all Ludwig use to need. Now he looked so content… so happy, so… Ludwig flinched now. Gilbert didn't seem to need him at all…

_How…?_

_How could I be so stupid…?_

_Gilbert never needed me as much as I needed him…_

Almost like everything hit present time suddenly, the next team, team E, was running onto the court. The gymnasium filling with loud, startling cheering. Ludwig glanced at Ivan who cheered loudly, the kids next to them were screaming, throwing their fist up and screaming on the top of their lungs. Ivan smiled at Ludwig when he saw the startled teen's facial expression.

"You'll get use to the noise, da! Just cheer, you'll have fun!" Ivan smiled cutely. Ludwig couldn't help the small smile that formed on his lip despite the fact he wanted to hide suddenly.

"Is it always this loud?" Ludwig asked quietly, Ivan gave him a confused look and shook his head, touching his ear to signal he couldn't hear the younger blond. Ludwig sighed softly before moving a bit closer, lips by Ivan's ear. "Is it always this loud?"

Ivan moved away and laughed nodding now. He mutely pointed to the court. Ludwig understood that Ivan meant for him to watch. There was a few minutes were Ludwig could only stare at his brother who seemed so cheery though he sat on the bench. Ludwig lost track of time, and he could only see his brother, wishing silently his brother would look up into the crowd and see him.

But his dear older brother was oblivious to him and only looked up at his own crowd, never once towards his direction. It simply broke Ludwig's heart.

Ludwig saw his brother laugh, giving another kid a whack to the back of his head. Ludwig felt his heart jump and his body jerked backward. He bumped into someone, and he heard them say something, never mind that Ivan had snarled something to whoever it was, but Ludwig only really realized his brother hit someone not really noticing much else.

Ludwig looked down at his feet, mumbling an apology though he still felt a little shaken. Kind violet eyes and a soft hand touched his own. A small whisper of concern, and Ludwig looked up. He forced a smile on his face and simply whispered it was okay.

"I'm glad," Ivan spoke softly, barely heard among the ruckus of the crowd. "Do you want me to point out everyone on the teams? It would make it easier to tell everyone apart, da?"

"J-just him," Ludwig whispered before he even thought about it. His finger shaking as he pointed at his brother who was being switched for another person on his team. The red eyed teenager was jumping and grinning as the coach whispered something to him. He ran onto the court.

"Him?" Ivan's violet eyes twitched and a completely annoyed look crossed his face.

"Please?"

A tiny growl of annoyance before a grunt. "The red eyed kid with silver blond hair's name is Gilbert Beilschmidt. You should stay away from him, Gilbert may be a dorm leader for dorm D, and he may even be in charge of the Germans, but he's an idiot, da?" Ivan's voice is hard and slightly cold. Ludwig flinches. Ivan notices it and forces a smile on his face. "But if you want, I'll make Alfred introduce the two of you. Gilbert and I don't… get along very well."

"Okay, thank you," Ludwig couldn't help but smile.

"Why are you so interested in him of all people?" Ivan mumbled under his breath. Ludwig didn't bother to answer, he simply decided to watch the game now. He couldn't help it when his brother was the only player that actually held his interest.

_He still likes basketball… I wonder if he'll play a round with me…_

_I wonder if he'll remember me…_

_Did I change?_

Ludwig didn't realize how long he was thinking, but it was long enough for the game to end.

"Who won?" Ludwig asked confused, both sides were roaring. Ivan laughed and pointed to the yellow flag he held in his hand. Ludwig nodded. There was suddenly a green balloon thrown into the crowd. Ludwig heard people screaming, even saw Ivan's eyes widen and open his mouth as if to say something, but the green paint in the balloon busted and spattered all over Ludwig's face and upper body. The young blond winced at the impact, unable to muffle the whimper.

Ludwig flinched again as he heard the crowd make a loud noise of surprise while most of the others who wore green laughed and jeered, pointing there fingers at the blond teenager. Ludwig wiped at his face with his sleeve, trying to get as much of paint off as possible. His face burned red with humiliation and embarrassment even though it should have felt cold with the cool paint and cooler air in the gym.

_W-what the-_

"WAR!" A person roared, someone pulled out a whole bucket of yellow paint balloons.

Soon people were throwing balloons back and forth. Ludwig winced, it had stung when it hit his face, and he rubbed his eyes because he had gotten paint in them, maybe, all he really knew was they stung and he had an awful taste in his mouth. He felt a few more, which seemed to be purposely thrown his way, hit the sides of his arms and legs.

_Why am I being chosen as the target?_

"Are you okay?" Ivan asked, his face dark with malice suddenly. When he appeared next to Ludwig, almost all the paint balloons thrown his way creased until there were people hiding behind the two males who seemed to act a shield, which no one wanted to color. Besides, which idiot would want to hurt the blond now that they knew he was associated with _Ivan_.

"_J-ja _(Yes)… I'm sorry," Ludwig mumbles, shivering suddenly.

They heard squealing and giggling and shouting as the students around them attacked each other with paint balloons. After half an hour, everything stopped and there was simply mops and sponges being handed out by the teachers. Ivan quickly helped Ludwig exit the area.

"We should go back to the dorm, so you can get that green paint off," Ivan mumbles as he grabs Ludwig's hand to guide him away. Suddenly another blond teenager is running after them. Alfred's cheek are stained red and his basketball uniform is covered in sticky yellow and green paint.

"W-wait, dude!" Alfred reaches out to grab Ludwig's shoulder, forcing the smaller teenager to look back at him. Ludwig's flinches slightly away at the suddeness and the roughness. "I-I told them not to throw it over there! I-" He coughs a little. "I swear. I told them to leave Ivan alone today because he was with- with you, but stupid Gilbert totally missed Ivan, by a complete long shot, and hit you instead!"

"O-oh…" Ludwig quickly looks down.

_He didn't mean it though…_

_He didn't mean to hit me with the paint ball…_

_I-I mean… it was an accident, just an accident!_

"That was pretty messed up though, what they did. It was the first game you went to and Gilbert totally ruined it! I tried to get the people around me to shut up but they wouldn't and I think I just got them to get louder about it…"

"I-its okay-" Ludwig started, his icy blue eyes feverishly darting anywhere but not wanting to meet Alfred's until finally Ivan moves in front of the smaller blond. Ludwig can't help but feel a little calmed at the familiar sight of Ivan's back.

"Brat, da?" Ivan sweetly smiles, though his eyes were cold and dark. A complete purple aura forming around him as he glared down at Alfred. "You. Damned. Little. Brat."

"Dude, I'm sorry Gil wanted to hit ya, but I just said-"

"You still let Gilbert get away with hitting Ludwig though, didn't you?"

"W-well-" Alfred looked away now. Ivan looked even angrier now. When Ivan's hand formed a fist, and he almost raised it, but Ludwig grabbed Ivan's arm, pulling it down slightly. His pale blue eyes wide with fear now, bottom lip slightly trembling at the action; the blond teenager couldn't help the fact he was frantically shaking his head.

"Al-Alfred said it was an accident, and I'm pretty sure he didn't really want to hit you too! I-I mean, it wasn't… wouldn't have happened! I didn't mind, I mean, it wasn't… It didn't hurt, and I'm sorry, I really am, I didn't mean to-"

"It wasn't your fault. It was Gilbert and Alfred's, da." Ivan says softly.

"B-but they didn't mean it," Ludwig says quickly.

_**Muttie**__ (mommy) I'm sorry…_

"I'll wash up, it'll be like it never happened," Ludwig's grip on Ivan's arm tightens a little.

_It will be our little secret, right, mama?_

"I promise," Ludwig bows his head now.

_I won't tell on you, __**Muttie**__ (mother)…_

_As long as you keep loving me…_

_Because you do love me… right?_

Ivan looked completely confused now as he let Ludwig slowly lower his arm, Alfred already mumbled a quick goodbye before scurrying back to the gym. Ludwig looked back up Ivan. Ivan tilts his head now, confusion in his violet eyes and the air around him calmed considerably. "What do you mean like it never happened?"

"Like it never happened, like-" Ludwig bits his tongue, quickly looked down, ashamed and embarrassed and disappointed. Emotions overwhelming the younger blond. "I'm sorry… We should go back, I need to change…"

"Alright," Ivan blinks, still concerned. They walk in silence back to their dorm room.

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><p><strong>AN** : Crappy ending is crap! But hey, review and it will give me the fuel to write this next chapter fast and hope that my computer doesn't give me a headache by turning off or something bad and horrible like that!

And um... Yeah... what'd ya think of Gilbert?... I'm such a jerk... *chuckles darkly*

Now excuse me while I go to finish the next chapter, write an essay for my JRNL class and make a project for my Chem class~


	18. Chapter 16 : Notes before Dinner

**Warnings** : Nothing in this chapter this time! I'm going to give you all a warning though, the NEXT chapter may -or may not, but probably will- have graphic child abuse _again_... That will be soon. (Currently writing it, I have another five minutes of writing before I start English Essay lol)

**A/N** : Another long one-ish! This is the last week before Fall Break! YES! I getta get up every morning to WRITE! (and of course everything else but all ya guys care about is the writing *nods to self*)

**P.S** : Not every edited...

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><p><strong><strong>Chapter 16 : Notes before Dinner<strong>**

"The principal wanted everyone to wear a uniform since you'll be the first new student we had a very long time and the last until graduation when we go to college." Ivan says as he goes to the table to pick up a uniform set with a note on it. "A teacher dropped it off this morning, but I knew that the paint would get in the way, but I didn't realize their first choice for a target would be me… I didn't want you to be the first person to be hit…"

"It's okay," Ludwig answers. "I'm going to take a shower,"

"I'll leave the clothes on the bed, okay?"

Ludwig smiles before nodding.

Ludwig quickly gets done showering the rest of the paint off of his body before changing his clothes for the uniform on the bed. He pulled on the white long sleeved shirt which had a collar this time. He sees a yellow, plaid tie on his bed with a note. It was from Ivan, saying that he was officially apart of Dorm E now. Another note from the teacher that said they got his size and information from his mother and that-… Ludwig dropped the note. His blue eyes widened and he took a few steps back, shaking now.

_S-she wants to _see_ me._

The last part said that since he was an "only" child and didn't have a father, they thought it would be a good thing for him to visit his mother, and that he could make up a time and date for it all.

_They want me to make the date?_

_Are-are they all… does everyone here want to mock me?_

_Do-do they want me to… really go through with this?_

Ludwig felt his stomach drop at the thought of his mother, and he whimpered softly before pressing his gloved hands to his mouth, unable to move back anymore now that his own back against he wall before he slid to his bottom, wrapping his arms around his knees, burying his head and shaking and shivering.

He felt the urge to puke.

Ludwig quickly calms himself, willing himself to stand up, and then he pulls the black pants on, determined to not think about anything, trying frantically to keep his mind blank. He still shivered and shook though; he couldn't shake the feeling that was at him. That something bad was going to happen.

Ludwig quietly comes out of his room, messing with the tie, his hands shaking, unable to stop it at the thought of his mother seeing him again. He couldn't fix his tie with shaking hand; he felt closer to tears than he had ever felt before. He starting to shiver violently again at their last encounter, and his hands wouldn't hold still.

_Will she know I've been sleeping in? Will she realize I've been slacking since the moment I was away from her? That I have been rude and incompetent these last few days?_

_More importantly, would she hit me again for not making her proud and becoming so careless all over again? Or… Will she be proud of me for just being here…? Will she not realize I've been careless?_

…_Will __**Muttie**__ (mommy)… will she love me again?_

Ivan laughs softly at the sight of the younger trying to put the tie on, hands shaking. Ivan didn't realize Ludwig was near to tears, he hadn't seen the boy's face; the blond's head had been down. Ivan takes a step towards the other teen who flinches away, hands shaking at his sides with his head still bowed.

"Is something wrong?" Ivan is dressed up too now, but he has a worried look on his face. Ivan is wearing the exact same outfit as Ludwig, to show he was apart of Dorm E, but his own clothes were a bit messier, and he still had the pink scarf on. Ludwig shook his head. "Do you want me to help you with your tie? You're probably just nervous, don't be nervous, I'll be with you the whole time. No one will bother you if you're with me, da?" Ivan says softly, sounding concerned now.

"I know, I'm sorry," Ludwig forces himself to laugh and puts a sheepish smile on his face. "I'm fine, you're right, I'm just a little worried about everything…"

"Don't be, I'll take care of everything and make sure everything is comfortable for you," Ivan says smoothly. His eyes darken again a little and he chuckles. "No one will bother you if I tell them not to, just make sure you say you're my friend, da?"

"F-friend?" Ludwig chokes out now.

_R-really? Does he… really mean it?_

"We _are_ friends, da?" Ivan tilts his head.

"Of course," Ludwig answers, unable to stop himself from looking up now at the other boy. Ivan smiles brightly before moving closer to fix Ludwig's tie. He fixes it before moving away as if to admire his work with a bright smile.

"I'm happy… We should hurry, you're the guest of honor!" Ivan said softly. "Besides, everyone is going to there, and I am sure you would not wish to be late on such an occasion, da…? It will be hard to win back points from the teachers."

"Points?"

"The teachers aren't perfect." Ivan says calmly to the younger. A slightly wicked grin appears on his lips as he looks around like he was about to tell a huge secret that needed to be kept a secret. He moved closer to the blond, covering his mouth with his hand while whispering. "They have favorites, and good students have what most teachers call points, meaning they have a better grade and are treated much better than other students even if they're horrible in reality."

"Really?"

"Yes," Ivan chuckles slightly, moving away now. "Do you need anything else before we go?" Ivan asked glancing up at the blond while he reached for his keys to the dorm room on the table before fixing pulling his own yellow tie a little, but only making it messier in the process. He sighed before a small chuckle of slight annoyance.

"No,"

"Okay," Ivan said quietly, hurriedly leading Ludwig out of the room and turning the lights off, locking the door before starting to walk down the hall. They walked in silence, Ludwig glancing up at the older who seemed to be in deep thought.

Finally, Ivan stopped and gestured to the door, Ludwig took the knob, opening it when suddenly he jolted backwards, eyes wide with fear and mouth open in a gape.

Teens completely covered in paint were standing at the door. Ludwig ducked his head when he heard everyone laugh again. Ivan smiled at the younger blond gently touching his shoulder, "They do that to everyone. They couldn't scare my little sister though; Natalia simply screamed back at them, so they were the ones who got scared!"

Ludwig couldn't help but smile at the thought of a little girl scaring a few boys.

The blond teenager was quickly guided to the table in the front of the room. There were a bunch of students sitting there, all with an air of self importance. They all had good reason as well, the were all dorm leaders, but there were about three seats that were not filled. Ludwig sat down, Ivan to his right. Within moments, Alfred had found his way to where Ludwig was and sat on his left.

"What are you doing here?" Ivan growled though he already knew why. Ludwig quickly glanced down at his hands, looking away from both teenagers now.

"Me? Ludwig is my partner, what about you?" Alfred replied his tone was annoyed and slightly angered. Ludwig saw that Alfred's friends were sitting down at the table as well. So were all of the students Ivan had said were Dorm Leaders. Even a few lower classmen sat down at the table. There were six younger boys wearing a blue uniform, and three girls wearing red, and two younger girls wearing pink.

"He's my roommate." Ivan said, glaring daggers at the other.

"Hmph. Whatever, dude." Alfred makes a noise of anger and discomfort now.

There was a long silence before both teens tried to talk Ludwig. Both trying to get his attention and Ludwig was unable to keep up with both because the two were talking at the same time, all the while giving each other dirty looks.

"Students," The principal said, automatically, everyone was silenced, even Ivan and Alfred shut their mouths to look at the small woman who smiled sweetly. "We have a new student, as you all know by now. I want to formally introduce him."

Ludwig shivered.

_I hate the word formal._

"Would Jones bring him up?"

"Of course, _milady_!" Alfred calls out, flashing the British a smirk. Arthur face palmed. Alfred quickly stood up before smiling at the other blond, holding out his hand. Ludwig took it, but he heard Ivan's grunt of distaste and disappointment.

"Come on, it isn't too bad! Smile," Alfred whispered under his breath, his bright blue eyes were calm and gleeful. Ludwig quickly lifted his head up, looking completely blank and calm like he had when he had received the scholarship. "Aw? Smile, pretty please? Just for me?"

Ludwig's face flashed in confusion before a small smile formed on his lips out of the shyness he suddenly felt. Ludwig glanced up to fully smile up at Alfred whose face flushed and grinned back. Alfred quickly glanced away before looking back with a softer, more thoughtful smile.

"That's the kinda smile I like!" Alfred laughed softly before stopping beside the principal, quickly moving aside to make Ludwig stand in front.

"Hello," The principal smiles warmly at icy blue eyed blond. She pats Ludwig's head before looking out into the crowd of students who were staring at Ludwig. Alfred carefully reached over to grab Ludwig's hand. "As you know, Jones's partner is our newest and final owner of the WB School of Historical Education's scholarship program. I'd like to give Alfred the honor of introducing him to you all,"

"Thanks," He grins at the principal. "My partner's name is Ludwig Weillschmidt." Alfred says proudly as he smirks at the crowd of people. "Mess with him, you mess with the dorm leaders- not kidding, even Ivan will get pissed off!"

"Jones, that was unneeded!" The principal smiles, though it falters, at the grinning blond before turning to look at the other, smaller blond, who stared blankly at the crowd, eyes scanning, frantically trying to find the red eyes he yearned to see since he was child. "Anyways, there you are… Ludwig Weillschmidt!"

The crowd cheered and clapped for the two before the principal quickly shooed them back to their seats. Soon the waiters were coming out to serve the students. It was quiet when Ludwig came back to sit down, icy blue eyes blank now that he realized he did not see Gilbert. He had already checked this table, quite thoroughly, and all the other tables now. He glanced at Ivan who touched his shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

"_Ja_ (Yes), I'm fine. Sorry, I… was looking for someone,"

"Gilbert?" Ivan frowns now. Ludwig quickly looks down. Ivan forces a smile on his face. "Hey, _hey_, look," Ludwig glances up at Ivan who keeps a kind smile on his face, "I'll ask Alfred to introduce the two of you? I would do it myself but… I really hate the guy. I'm sorry, but I promise you'll see him before the week is up, da?"

_Ivan doesn't seem very happy about it though…_

_I wonder why he hates Gilbert so much…_

_I hope Gilbert wasn't mean to Ivan…_

"Alfred," Ivan says coldly. Alfred, who hadn't noticed what the two were talking about, turned to glare at the beige blond teenager with violet eyes.

"What do you want Braginski?" Alfred growled.

"You will introduce Ludwig to Gilbert, da? He isn't here right now. He skipped, didn't he? He shouldn't have done that." Ivan says darkly. Alfred pushed his glasses up with his arm, glaring at Ivan harshly now before glancing around the table.

_Three empty seats._

_They're both looking that way…_

_So he did skip it…_

"Hmph. You're right. He ain't here. That ass, what does he think he's doing? He didn't even tell me this time! We cover for each other, but he can't just take advantage of it and skip every other day! One of these days the teachers are going to realize I've been lying through my teeth." Alfred growls now. He glares at the three seats. "I guess Francis is making Arthur cover for him, and Lovino is probably coverin' Toni and shit."

"Yeah, well, you're still introducing the two of them," Ivan says simply.

"Sure," Alfred shrugs. "But I call Ludwig tomorrow, all day if I have to."

"What?" Ivan's eyes widened again. "What about summer classes, he's in the same dorm as me!"

"I'm his partner, if I see fit, I can go with him, or I can take him with _me_." Alfred snickers, a wicked grin on his lips. His eyes were challenging Ivan now. "I can take Ludwig with me any day I want, if I want to. He's _my_ partner. You're _just_ a roommate,"

Ivan's eyes got darker now. "Are you threatening my authority, _Jones_? I can make it so you won't be able to move for a week."

Ludwig gripped the table cloth, head bowed as he heard the two growl lowly to each other. He shivered when he felt each move closer, leaning over him and snarling at each other. Ludwig couldn't help the whimper that escaped the lips when Alfred slammed his palm against the table.

Both of the other teens blinked before glancing down at Ludwig who was starting to shake again, head bowed still as he stared at the table. Ivan automatically sat back down, ignoring Alfred completely now. He placed a hand on Ludwig's shoulder again.

"Ludwig, da?" Ludwig gritted his teeth when he cowered away from the soft weight on his shoulder. There was pause before Ivan tilted his head. "Are you alright?" Ivan's voice was more concerned though quite a bit of hurt showed in his voice.

"Look, ya scared him like you do to everyone else," Alfred said mockingly.

"I'm sorry," Ivan whispers, ignoring Alfred. "I didn't mean to scare you…" Ivan placed his hand under Ludwig's chin, making Ludwig look at him. Ludwig flinched again, looking away. "I'm really sorry, Ludwig, don't be scared,"

_I didn't mean it._

_I'm really sorry…_

_I am…_

"What's wrong, dude?" Alfred asks, looking sad. "Ya cool?"

"I'm fine; I'm sorry…" Ludwig says quietly. He glances up at the two now. Firmly decideding he couldn't hide forever, and it was best to get things over with soon. "I-I was actually planning to see my mother tomorrow. The principal gave me permission to visit here and I decided… our goodbye had no closure. I _need_ closure."

_I _need_ to know she loved me._

_T-that she loves me._

_She did love me... right?_

"Aw? Really? You're lucky," Alfred pouted. "Only the kids who get really good grades get to go home and even than it's only a few days! How long are you doing to stay with her?"

"A few hours, I hope." Ludwig spoke before he even thought. His face flushed. "B-because I-I-"

"You don't have to explain yourself every five minutes, you know…" Ivan whispers softly. "You shouldn't apologize so much either!"

"I'm sorry," Ludwig mumbles. "I-I didn't mean it,"

"Its fine," Alfred smiles. "I'll just steal ya when you come back than, right?"

"Sure," Ludwig nods. Ivan ruffles Ludwig's hair suddenly, not really looking at the younger blond teen now but straight ahead.

"Have fun at your mother's tomorrow, da? I'll see ya tomorrow when you come home… I- I have to do something right now, and I might not come home until later tonight." Ludwig sees Ivan who is glaring at another teenager. The teenager lifts up his chin a little to give Ivan a dirty look. He's tall, broad shouldered and grins like a shark. He had dark eyes and short messy hair. "I'll see you later. I'm sorry I'm going to have to leave you with Alfred... I have to take care of this guy first."

Ivan gets up from his chair, kicking it in while his violet eyes now dark and narrowed. The other teen grins and stands up, blue tie half undone and messy, somehow, sloppier than Ivan. The Mongolian teen pats someone backs and whispers something before stuffing his hands into his pockets, but his wicked and malice expression never changes.

"Damn Nergüi," Alfred sighs as he turns to look at Ludwig. "Nergüi's just gonna try to beat the crap outta Ivan again. Idiot won't get through his thick skull that Ivan's _stronger_ now. Last time he beat that shit outta Ivan, Ivan was in seventh grade and a brat, and Nergüi was a eighth grader who just wanted to be the boss of the school. He got pretty darn close though. Owned Ivan until about the end of eight grade when Ivan got a growth spurt,"

"So… Nergüi is a… twelfth grader?" Ludwig asked softly.

"Oh yeah, you better watch yourself!" Alfred said, his eyes big suddenly and fearful. "He hates Ivan more than life itself, and that's saying something! Dude you better watch yourself, just because we're a boarding school doesn't mean that seniors here are nice to us freshmen! And since Ivan's real nice to you and all (which is a first) Nergüi will probably try to beat the shit outta you when he realizes he can't beat Ivan up anymore!"

"R-really?"

_I-I don't want to…_

_This is harder than I thought high school would be…_

_I haven't even taken any classes let…_

"Yeah, but don't worry, I'm the hero here, and I won't let anyone hurt you!" Alfred grins. Ludwig gives one more glance to Ivan who brushes shoulders violently with Nergüi before kol-ing softly and walking out, a few other teens standing up to leave as well. Then the Turkish teen stood up. He walked towards Ludwig. Alfred glances up at the teen. "Hey Sadiq," Sadiq gives the loud blond a nod before kneeling for the quiet one.

"I'll make sure Ivan doesn't get that crap beat out of him," Sadiq whispered before grinning at the blond teen. He reached a hand up to ruffle Ludwig's hair before kissing the blond's gloved hand gently, making Ludwig's face heat up.

"Wha-"

"I hope one day we can hang out and talk just because _you_ want to," Sadiq grinned again. "Goodbye _Ludwig_,"

Ludwig mutely mouthed goodbye, the words unable to form in his mouth now. He waved and so did Alfred before Alfred sighed loudly and pouted for a few minutes about Sadiq kissing Ludwig hand. Then the rest of dinner was quiet other than Alfred talking about everything and everyone. Ludwig kept hoping that Ivan wouldn't get hurt. He hoped that Sadiq wouldn't get hurt. He just hoped no one would get hurt...

He knew what pain felt like...

_No matter how many times you get hit; you'll never get use it it._

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><p>AN : Hehe... Ludwig's first enemy... xDDD And... Yeah... Tell me what you all think- AND THANK YOU ALL FOR THE REVIEWS! I was writing in all the spare time I got- which isnt' a lot now that I think about it... Darn- but the next one is being written at the moment too! So please give me some inspiration! I gots to write mah English Final Essay now~


	19. Chapter 17 : Last time for falling

**Warnings** : Child abuse emotional/physical… this is pretty bad but on a scale of 1 to 10 and 10 being horrible-horrible, I'd have to say about a 7 or 8… But its still pretty screwy and messed up by the time you get to the end… Oh and bad words... some violence and all that stuff!

**A/N** : The next chapter is being started right now! So please bear with me!

**P.S** : I tried my best to edit D8! Give me some credit?

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><p><strong>Chapter 17 : Last time for falling<strong>

Ludwig got up slowly, cherishing his final moments before his alarm could go off at five. He quietly got up, turning it off the second before the alarm actually went off now. He rubbed his eyes before glancing around, suddenly realizing there is another body in the bed.

He feels himself tense up as he slowly pulls the sheets away from the person, glad that night he had pulled on sweaters and a large shirt, though it wasn't long sleeved and that scared him. He wrapped the blanket around himself as he glanced at the other. He realized it was his roommate.

"Ivan?"

"…da?" Ivan's voice was simple; there was no hidden manliness. It was just Ivan now. It was also clear that the other teenager had been awake for quite a while. Ludwig felt his face felt flush before he looked down at his hands, realizing he wasn't wearing gloves. The blond teenager quickly got out of bed, happy that the darkness was hiding him now.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" Ludwig whispered, quickly pulling a pair of gloves out of his drawer and pulling them on before glancing over his shoulder at the other teen who laughed softly. Ivan sat up, and it was then that Ludwig realized Ivan had a long, bloody gash on the side of his face and a few light and dark bruises that shown when the pale light came into the room. Ivan grinned at the younger blond when he saw the look of slight disbelief and horror on his face. "What happened?"

"I got into a fight." Ivan says, smiling at Ludwig. "Don't worry about Sadiq…" The older pauses for a moment before a slight smirk forms on his lips again. "He's alright for the most part…" A wicked grin appeared on Ivan's lips now. "I shouldn't have to worry about Nergüi and his little buddies getting in the way anymore. I'm pretty sure I broke Nergüi's arm."

"Y-you did?" Ludwig choked.

_H-how could he do that?_

_It was for… just for self defense though…_

_I hope…_

"Yeah, but I've seen him kick people's asses with an arm broken before." Ivan's smile is amused but also annoyed as he remembers something. Ludwig cannot even start to imagine what though. "I only did that for insurance though. I didn't want him to try again until he healed,"

"O-oh," Ludwig blinks. He glances at the clock again. "I've better get ready-"

"Okay," Ivan smiles. "Sorry about ending up in your bed… Well," Ivan looks thoughtful before a small smile forms on his face. "Actually I'm not sorry. I'm happy we slept together, da?" Ivan laughs softly to himself before leaving the room quietly.

Ludwig's face flushes before a tiny smile appears on his lips, than he remembers that he's to see his mother, and his face falls. He grimaces and looks down at his arms. He shivers before he hurries to get ready. He had talked to the teacher after dinner about him seeing his mother tomorrow. He had told the woman that he and his mother's goodbyes were very sudden.

She had patted his back and said that his mother had wanted to see him as soon as possible because she was _moving_ _out_ of the country. Ludwig had instantly torn himself apart, but he forced a smile on his face and told her he would miss his mother. Then she had told him she'd tell his mother that very hour, quickly pulling out her phone when Ludwig had left the dining hall.

Ludwig blinked. It was way too soon to even seem possible, Ivan was walking him to the office, asking him how he felt. Ivan kept saying Ludwig was pale, he kept telling Ludwig if he felt sick, his mother would understand, but Ludwig knew better than that. He knew his mother wouldn't understand.

_She never understood before, why would be she now?_

_Because it's the right thing to do now that people are watching me?_

_How… how very, very wrong that is._

"I have to go… It's… the right thing to do…" Ludwig wheezed; he felt a panic attack coming on. He had them before, but he had been alone and truly thought he would die. Ivan quickly balanced the younger teen, wrapping an arm around Ludwig's small frame and whispering something comforting.

"…okay now?" Ludwig forced himself to nod though he had missed about half of what Ivan had said. Ivan kept an arm around the teen though, not allowing the younger to move away because Ivan knew Ludwig would probably fall or stumble. "…panic attack-…?"

"W-what?" Ludwig choked, shaking even more now. His icy pale blue eyes widened, and he could hear his heart pounding in his chest. His breathing suddenly pitched, and everything was moving too fast for him. "N-no! No!" Ludwig took a forceful step back, unable to keep his balance as he nearly fell backwards, but Ivan caught him just in time. Tilting his head, Ivan looked even more worried and confused. "I-I'm sorry! I have to go- I have to do this! _Mutti_ (mommy) will be upset if I don't!"

"We should go to the nurse-"

"I'm fine!" Ludwig forced himself to calm down. He couldn't though, his head ached and his throat was tight and he could barely breathe right. He was choking his own words. "I'm perfectly fine. I-I wanna see _meine_ _Mutti_… _Bitte_… _Ich_… _Ich_ _will_ _meine_ _Mutter_ _sehen_…"

"What?" Ivan looked confused but sighed loudly. He gave Ludwig a slight shake, his hands on his shoulders, but not too roughly. It made Ludwig feel a bit safer but it still scared him. "Please, Ludwig… Look at me… Come on lets go to the nurse… please-"

"No, no please!" Ludwig heaved now, unable to keep his breath from getting shaky again. "Please I need to go, I need to go! She'll- she'll-"

"Ludwig, dear, is that you?"

_**Mutti (**__mommy__**)**__-_

Ludwig choked. He jumped away from Ivan. His hand went quickly into his mouth, biting down onto his fingers as he shook even more. "Mama- I mean- I just meant-" Ludwig gulps, feeling a suddenly heat that made him dizzy with a suddenly coldness which shook him to the core. HE lost his cool. HE lost everything and anything HE could possibly hope for when HE lost his cool. What was HE thinking? Losing HIS cool like that? "_Mutter, bitte, es tut mir leid _(Mother, please, I'm sorry)!"

"_Was _(What)? Ack… It's okay…" His mother cooed. She brought her arms around him and leaned down to his small frame which shrunk at the closeness. "Ah? What's wrong, my little Luddie?"

"_Nichts Mutter… Nichts…_ (Nothing, mother… nothing)" Ludwig whispers. He hates that his heart is pounding so loudly. He is positive that his mother can hear it too. He can feel his mother pitch him.

"_Der Junge… Sagst du ihm weggehen._(The boy… you tell him to go away)" His mother growls before she smiles at Ivan warmly though it was fake and slightly crude. Ivan's dark violet eyes narrow at her but then he smiles cheerfully, reaching out his hand to grasp hers. "Hello, I'm Ludwig's mother, and you are?"

"Good morning, I'm Ivan. It's a pleasure to meet you…" Ivan says happily. "I must be going; I'm supposed to be doing something… It's vaguely important." Ivan glances at Ludwig. "I hope you and your mother have a nice day, Ludwig."

"_D-danke_ _schoen_ Ivan," Ludwig chokes. His mother's nails sink into Ludwig's shoulder. Ludwig winces as he bites his tongue. "_Ich_- I'm sorry, I-" Ludwig grits his teeth as his mother growls something under her breath. "I'm very, very sorry… Thank you, Ivan."

"It's fine." Ivan blinks as he sees Ludwig's mother mutter something under her breath and glare his way without even trying to disguise her look of disgust. He cannot even try to comprehend what she was saying, but he did know it couldn't have been very nice by the way Ludwig's face twisted in pain and nodded slowly.

Ludwig kept his head bowed though his shoulders were tense. Ivan sighed before he walked back to his room before giving the younger male one more glance and turning the corner.

"Mother, please… I'm… he's my friend. Don't talk about him like that… it's not very nice."

"Hmph, what nerve you have, Ludwig! I'll decide what's nice!" His mother hissed. "Stop being so rude, idiot, you need to respect me. I'm the one who raised you." Her voice was sharp but then she took in a breath and smiled sweetly at her son. "I'm trying to be nice here Ludwig. I only want what is best for you. Having friends like that boy isn't good. He's strange, and he doesn't look very smart. Besides, he might even be gay by that pink scarf, what was he thinking, putting that on? He's disgusting!"

"B-but- mother, I don't-"

"_He_ was looking at _you_. Couldn't you tell?" His mother rolls her eyes now before she glares at the blond who shrinks under her glare. He glances up at her, his eyes scared, and he couldn't help the fact he was starting to shake again. "Are you really that stupid, Ludwig!"

"N-no, mother, please… I… we're just friends…" Ludwig whimpered.

"Just friends, you better be. It's _gross_." His mother growled.

Ludwig quickly bowed his head. "Y-yeah… We-we're just friends. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you,"

"It's fine darling…" His mother smiles again. "Oh dearest," Her voice is suddenly cheerfully as she kissed his cheek. Ludwig couldn't help but tremble, happy his mother was so cheerful she did not notice. "Did you hear the news? I'm moving back to Germany next week. I know it's very soon and quite sudden, but I thought it would be for the best, for both of us,"

"Okay…" Ludwig looks down at his feet.

_Good for both of us?_

_How is that good for me…?_

_W-what am I doing to do?_

"Don't be upset sweetheart." She says calmly, opening the door for him now. "Here you are,"

His adoptive mother started the car, than she drove away with the blond sitting in the passage seat. The blond glancing over his shoulder to give one last look to the school he had barely started to adore again. He hated that he was going to have to come back so broken.

She got out of the car again, leading him to the small new hotel room. It looked expensive, and he knew it would be bloody by the time he left. He glances around; blue eyes unbelievably calm because he had already came to terms with his fate.

She hugged him again. "I missed you so much," He couldn't help it when he flinched, when his hands twitched at his sides because she had rarely ever shown this type of affection. He never got hugs; he never got kisses, so why was he starting to get them now?

_I know it's too late to fix this…_

_B-but…_

_Is it wrong for me to want to try?_

A harsh smacking sound echoed in the quiet room and there was another but this time quieter and the blond teen was looking up at his adoptive mother, eyes wide and his hand on his red cheek.

"What?" His mother shouted. "What? Am I not allowed to hug you anymore!" _–You never did…-_ "Am I not good enough to hug you now?" _–You made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be hugged-_ "Are you trying to say that I can't hug you!" _–I use to want you to hug me…-_ "You think just because I don't live with you that I don't have control over you? I always will, you little shit!"

She pushes the blond back, towards the wall. He realized than that any thoughts of peace were gone. It was simply aggression now. He looked towards the floor, and he flinched as he saw her come closer. "_Mutti,_ _bitte_, (Mother, please)" He plead with her softly. She did not heed his plea and instead attacked him. Her nails raking across his face, seeming to be encouraged when he let out a small scream in pain. He tried to move away, eyes shut because he did not want her to tear his eyes out.

She tripped the teen who had stumbled backwards. He fell on his back, letting out a small whimper before looking up at his adoptive mother, feeling exactly as he did as a child. The familiar sense brought some comfort to him. He knew what was going to happen next, but it did nothing to calm him. He was still starting to breathe hard though he could usually control it.

"_Mutti _(Mommy) I didn't- I just-" Ludwig glanced around frantically. He scooted backwards until his back hit the wall; he stared up in horror as his mother towered over him again. Like always, "_Mutt_-"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT, _SCHWEINEHUND _(pig-dog… vile insult in German)!" His mother screamed suddenly. She scratched at his pale face, the other scratch marks puffy and red, bleeding a little now. He put his hands up to protect himself, if only just a little. She took a step back to kick at him. She was laughing, but she looked even angrier than before. "Dumb little bitch! Don't think that just because you go and finally get a scholarship, it doesn't mean you can be so fucking disrespectful!"

"I-I'm so sorry-" Ludwig chokes before he groans in pain as she kicked him the stomach again. He bites his tongue as she did it again, this time harder. He heard a cracking noise, and it scared him. She applied her weight against the wound and there was a sudden snapping noise. He let out a small cry of pain.

"What are you going to do about it!" She asked tauntingly. "Nothing, you never do anything because _Mutti_ (Mommy) loves you…" He winces, shutting his eyes and trying to block his mind off to her. He hated that he wanted to cry so much now, when there was nothing else to lose. He wanted to cry like a fool. He couldn't tell how much time went by. He was going in and out of consciousness now.

"B-but you do love me right?" He finally managed to form the question though it hurt so much, though it killed him insides and made him start to lose faith in himself. She started to laugh bitterly.

"Love is a strong word, don't you think?"

"_Bitte… Mutter, Sie- Sie lieben mir?_ (Please… Mother, you- you love me? *formal you*)" The boy asked, his icy pale blue eyes wide with fear and a sudden childish innocence. His lips were starting to tremble, and he suddenly forgot about all of his injures.

"Fucking little brat! What the hell would you call love!"

Cruch.

_Why can't you love me?_

"Why are you such an idiot!" Blue eyes stared up at her in horror. "Who the _hell_ needs love! If anyone did, why would God give someone like you love! YOU DON'T DESERVE LOVE!"

Snap.

_W-why no, why don't I get to be loved?_

"You know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? I hate you! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! I WISH- I WISH YOU COULD JUST DIE ALREADY, YOU DUMB BITCH! JUST DIE!"

Crumble.

_**Mutti**__ (Mommy)… All I wanted…_

_All I wanted was…_

_I just wanted you to love me…_

And his mind finally went blank…

The young blond stumbled back to the school, his mother long gone by now. Judging by the clock, he had been there at least the whole day. It was nearly seven in the morning, and he swore he had gotten there yesterday at eight in the morning. Ludwig looked at the date which was drawn on the chalkboard at the small grocery store. It wasn't yesterday anymore.

He entered the quiet store. His head was down as he brought bandages with the money he found on the table of the small hotel room. There was another note there. It had not been an apology, and it had not read of regrets. It simply wrote three words in his mother's beautiful hand writing: 'Clean yourself up'.

He went into the restroom before placing the bandages on his face. He smoothes the bandages out on the wounds though it stung a little before moving on until he was completely bandaged. He decided that he would need a jacket, he did not like that the shirt he wore had a bit of smeared blood on it. _His_ blood was stiff.

Ludwig went to another store, ignoring the glances that were thrown his way. He brought a simple, thin black jacket. He tore the tags off and pulled it on with the hood up as he left the store. He had to find his way back to the school, but it was actually easier than he thought it would be.

"Oh, how did you like the day you spent yesterday with your mother?" The woman who sat at the desk cooed to him. Ludwig kept his head down, a tight smile on his lips though.

"It was fine… She left today, and she was a little late for her plane ride, so I had to walk back." Ludwig's voice was barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry. I'm just… upset that she has to move back… I'll miss her."

"Aw poor deary," The woman said empathically. "I'm sure she'll come visit you sooner or later! She must be missing you so much right now!"

_She told me to die…_

_Why would she miss me?_

_She wants me to die…_

Ludwig gulped and nodded before quickly leaving back down the halls. He quietly went back into his room, surprised the door was unlocked to the dorm. He went in and heard nothing. He opened the door to his room and sat on the bed. He started shaking again. He whimpered before going to his drawer to get a pair of gloves. He pulled them on, whimpering quietly to himself.

He couldn't bear to look in the mirror or take off the jacket which hid him from the world.

He bit his lip before getting up. He leaned against the wall, hating that he was starting to have trouble breathing, that it hurt to breathe; he couldn't help but wonder if it was because of him wanting to cry or if it was because of his –most likely– broken ribs. Ludwig dropped to the floor, curling up on the floor and trying to go to sleep. He closed his eyes though he was shaking so badly.

_**Mutti**__… __**Mutti**__… __**Warum**__… (Mommy… mommy… why)?_

_All I wanted…_

_It was the only thing I ever wanted from you…_

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><p><strong>AN** : Yeah... I know this was really sad...! I was kinda angry at how this chapter came out but... yeah... And I hope you got see how... screwed up his life is and that is why everything that has happened/will happen will!

BTW, tell me what ya'll thought about it! Please review this chapter for me and tell me what you thought!


	20. Chapter 18 : The Making of the Game

**Warnings** : Nothing for this chapter though there are a few cuss words!

**A/N** : Sorry it took so long for this to come out ppl! I hope its edited enough for all of your likings!

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><p><strong>Chapter 18 : The Making of the Game<strong>

"…-wig… -udwig… Ludwig… Ludwig, are you alright!"

_I didn't mean to mommy…_

"Hey?" Firm, slightly aggressive hands were on Ludwig's shoulders. "A-ah crap… what the hell am I gonna do now? I'm the- the fuckin' hero here dude, but how am I supposta know what to do?"

_I'm sorry…_

"Ludwig, man? Dude, are you okay? I'm starting to freak out…"

_I just wanted you to love me…_

"Dude, wake up!" Alfred half-shouts, he was starting to freak out now. "G-give me a minute man, I'm gonna go wake up Ivan. He-He'll know what to do, ya know? Crazy Russian bitch always does when it comes to this kinda stuff!"

_P-please!_

_DON'T GO, __**MUTTI**__ (Mommy)!_

_D-don't leave me...!_

"W-what the-?" Alfred nearly tripped when he got to the door as he felt someone grab his ankle. He glanced back to see Ludwig staring up at him, but Ludwig's blue eyes were wide and blank and almost teary suddenly. The blond on the floor didn't see Alfred though. Ludwig only saw his mother walking away. He couldn't stop her before, and he didn't want her to run away now. "OHMAHFUCKIN'GAWD! IVAN, GET YOUR CRAZY BITCHIN' ASS IN HERE!"

A loud sigh before a tall figure appears at the door, sleepy violet eyes glare at the intruding blond teen who looks horrified of the other on the ground.

"What the hell are you doing Ludwig's room!" Ivan shouted suddenly as he realized that Ludwig was on the floor, and that the other blond was in Ludwig's room. Violet eyes glared at Alfred who was pointing frantically at Ludwig. "A-and why the hell is he on the floor! What did you do to him, Alfred?"

"D-dude, I swear on my hero-ship, I didn't do shit!" Alfred whines. "I wanna know what the hell you did to him! I came in here this morning, just right now to check on him -the door was open to the dorm, so you can't accuse me of anything- but I knocked on his door! It opened all eerily-like, like in all the scary movies! B-but I came in, and he was on the ground! I was just checking on him and suddenly Ludwig was grabbing my leg all crazy-like! OH SHIT! YOU THINK HE'S A ZOMBIE!"

"No," Ivan growls. "Go sit in the living room. I'll wake him up."

"How do you know- You've been sleeping with him!" Alfred suddenly shouts accusingly, "That's wrong man, and not to mention cheap! He hasn't met any-"

"Alfred! GET OUT!" Ivan growls through gritted teeth, his eyes were dark. "Get out now." Alfred shot Ivan a glare before hurrying out. Ludwig let a pitiful whine though.

"D-don't go… I didn't…" Ivan shoots Alfred another glare when Alfred turned slightly to look at Ludwig.

"Just get out. I'll take care of Ludwig." Alfred nods before leaving the room. Ivan turned to look back at Ludwig who whimpered before turning away from both of them, curling up in a tighter ball on the floor. Ivan smoothed down Ludwig's hair gently. "Are you okay, Ludwig?"

_I'm sorry…_

_**Mutti**__ (mommy)… don't leave me…_

_Don't make her leave me…_

"I'm really sorry…" Ludwig whimpered. "I didn't mean it…"

"Ludwig, whatever it was, it was just a nightmare," Ivan said softly as he smoothed down Ludwig's hair again. Ludwig started breathing hard again. The younger blond could feel tears start to sting his eyes, but he held them back and got on his knees to look at the other teen. Ivan was already down on his own knees. Ivan smiles softly. "It was all just a nightmare, da?"

Ludwig buries his face against Ivan's shoulder, whimpering softly to himself. The younger blond was shaking again and breathing hard. Ivan rubbed Ludwig's back now as he felt Ludwig's hand grip the pink scarf around his neck.

"What did you dream about?" Ivan asked softly.

"M-mommy said she didn't love me any-anymore!" Ludwig chokes out suddenly, hands gripping on Ivan's pink scarf even tighter now. A soft choking sound before a tiny heaving sob, "She- she just wants me to die! I don't wanna make her sad… I don't wanna! I'm sorry!"

"What? She doesn't hate you," Ivan blinks, surprised. "Why would she hate you? She loves you," There is a long silence as Ludwig clings onto Ivan.

"Okay…" His voice is tiny and hushed as if a sudden mood swing. "I'm sorry, Ivan… I just… I don't know. I wasn't in my right mind. Of course mother loves me… Why wouldn't she?" Slowly, the blond moves away, standing up now. He wiped his face before going to the restroom. Ivan didn't miss the blank and completely calm expression on the teen's face. Then Ivan realized that the blond had bandages on his face. Ivan tried to recall seeing them before Ludwig had left, but no such memory existed in his memory.

"What happened to your face?" Ludwig's hand automatically smacked both his hands against the side of his face suddenly, blue eyes wide in fear as opened his mouth to look around like that answer was somewhere that could be seen. The blond shut his mouth, pressing his lips together as looked dreadfully confused.

"N-nothing," Ludwig quickly reached to pull out a pair of clothes. "I'm going to get ready- I-I'm really sorry I… I did that- I'll hurry up and get ready! T-tell Alfred that I send my apologizes and that I'll hurry and get-"

"I don't think Alfred minds," Ivan sighs before a smile forms on his face. "Take your time,"

Ludwig nodded before closing the door. The blond bit his lip as he looked in the mirror. The white bandages were surprisingly visible against his pale skin, and he looked even more sleep deprived than usual according to the dark colored bags under his pale blue eyes. He felt a sudden aggression build up in his chest and he tore the bandages from his face despite the pain and yanked his shirt off to jab his hand at his rib cage. Dark bruises that burned at the touch and were ugly to look at. His face was neutral as he felt the unnaturalness of the rib, a slightly jagged uneven feeling which almost made him puke. His mother probably cracked one of his ribs.

He sighed before removing the rest of his clothes to bathe himself.

After the teen was done, he pulled a white tank top on before slipping the simple black jacket and a new pair of jeans before adding his gloves. He frowned to himself as he glanced at the small scratches now. He smiles; there was no need for bandages anymore. He didn't care.

_Why should I care now?_

_It doesn't matter anymore._

_It shouldn't hurt anymore…_

Ludwig's eyes soften, and he looks down. He bites his lip, rubbing his hand against his cheek. He sighs softly as he stares at himself in the mirror. The teen in the mirror wasn't smiling. His eyes weren't bright, and he didn't wear his heart on his sleeve.

The boy in the mirror was pale, his eyes were pale, and he wasn't smiling. He had a dark look about him, yet he seemed to try and hide everything. Ludwig wanted to break the mirror. He didn't want to see himself. He didn't want to the pale, strange boy in the mirror anymore. Why did he have to see that boy every time he looked in the mirror? A bitter smile formed on the teen's lips in the mirror.

_So why does it hurt even more?_

Ludwig opened the door now. Not minding that it was cold outside his bathroom as he slipped on a pair of socks and pulled on his shoes. He glanced up at the door when there was a knock. "Hey, may I come in- OW! You damned Russian bitch-… I do not! Hey, hey, watch it! No, you damned asshole! …FINE!"

"Excuse me, Ludwig," Ivan peeks inside the room. Ludwig is sitting on the bed, blue eyes wide as he stares at Ivan before letting a slight smile form on his lips. "Alfred was starting to get annoying, but more importantly, are you alright, Ludwig?"

…_Happy. __**-Because Mutti (mommy) loves you…-**_

…_Be happy… __**-She was just a little upset… She still loves you…-**_

_You just need to be happy… __**-She'll always love you…-**_

"I'm fine, thank you." Ludwig answers. Ludwig's face is completely calm and has a cheerful tint to it. He didn't seem much effected by what his mother had said, by his so-called 'nightmare.' At least, that was what it seemed to everyone else. Inside, the small blond was tearing himself apart. He was hiding, hiding until he thought he'd be able to deal with what she said.

Until then, the voice in the back of his head, the childish innocence and fear still whispered his mommy loved him; that she'd always love him.

Ivan looks even more confused now. Ludwig's smile was bright and fake. It seemed eerily similar to that of Ivan's usual smile, just a cheap imitation on Ludwig's part. Alfred paid the change in attitude no heed, instead cheerfully playing along exactly like Ludwig had hoped he would.

"Hey Lud, since yar ready and all, we should totally go and hang out with the others now!" Alfred grinned brightly, grabbing Ludwig's hand. Alfred didn't notice that Ludwig flinched a little. Ivan saw it but decided not to say anything because Ludwig didn't pull away.

"Alright," Ludwig stands up, glancing towards Ivan now. Ivan smiled brightly again. Ludwig smiled back though Ivan saw every little twitch and forcedness in it. "We should go now… I'm sorry Ivan but I need to breathe… I think I caught a cold…" Soft shallow breathing, lips slightly parted to breath. It was cold though, freezing, but he could not force himself to get a different, thicker jacket from his closet in fear they'll catch on. "I just feel a little sick, but I'm fine."

_Shock… that damned cold yet numbing sensation…_

_That is what they called shock in that book?_

_I don't like this feeling. I don't like shock._

"Actually, I think I'll come along with you, if that's alright with the two of you," Ivan said softly, worried about the smaller blond. Ludwig turned around, eyes wide and another smile starting to form on his lips. Alfred frowned as he glared darkly at the beige blond who couldn't help the taunting smirk on his lips.

"I guess." Alfred grumbles, pulling the smaller blond closer. "We're totally gonna ditch ya when we go to see Gil though, don't want you to get in another fist fight!" Ludwig's neutral expression fails him, and he looks terrified suddenly. "Ah don't worry 'bout it, Gil always manages to heal his ego!"

"Actually, are you going to visit Gilbert first? Because if you are, I'll stay here and wait until you come back, I wouldn't mind." Alfred pauses and looks thoughtful before letting a smile cross his face.

"Wish we could, but Gilbert is probably sleepin' like the dead right now!" Alfred laughs. Ludwig blinks, looking at the ground now, but he kept that smile plastered on his face.

_Isn't he scared of __**Mutter**__ (Mother) anymore?_

_W-was he ever scared of her?_

_Did he change… or did I change?_

"Alright, let's go to breakfast!" Alfred cheers. He wraps his arms around Ludwig and laughs cheerfully before glancing at Ivan, giving the other teen a taunting look. "You know, you don't always have to hang out with Ivan, you can spend some more time with me~"

"Hmph. Why would he want to spend time with you?" Ivan laughs. Ludwig looks down, letting the weary feeling take over as he let out a soft sigh. It hurt so much to breath. Ivan gives Ludwig a side glance. Alfred gives Ludwig a glance too before he suddenly looks excited.

"I just got the best idea ever-" He pauses before taking in a deep breath. "Let the games begin, whoever can get Ludwig to have more fun wins!" Alfred challenges with a bright grin on his face. "May the best man win, but ya know, since I'm the hero, I'm definitely gonna win! The prize is Ludwig's attention for day!"

"You're on, brat," Ivan says quickly. "We'll see who he likes more." Ludwig smiles a little at their enthusiasm, but he couldn't breathe. He shuddered at how hard it was to try and breathe.

_I guess she really did crack one of my ribs…_

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><p><strong>AN** : I guess Ludwig was a little out of character in the scene to some ppl, but I thought that what happened in the other chapter justified how he acts in this chapter so- RAWR!

Okay, lets see my pretties...~ Next chapter is a filler *I will not lie*...! Its a really awesome one though- And uhhh the chapter after that chapter is going to be the awesome one lol!


	21. Chapter 19 : Just Healthy Competition

**_***Dedicated to Veterans Day***_**

**Warning** : THERE ARE PERVERTS HERE!

**A/N** : Don't have time to say much but THANKS TO MY SUPPORTERS 3 (no time for spell check either LOL!)

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><p><strong>Chapter 19 : Just Healthy Competition<strong>

_Breathe… in… out… in… out…_

_Oh… what am I doing?_

_I'm an idiot…_

Ludwig sat down, sandwiched between his roommate and his partner. They ordered and sat there in an awkward silence as the taller two glared daggers at each other. Ludwig simply kept his head down and tried not to pay too much attention to the two. Suddenly the chair squeaked and someone, actually a group of males, were sitting in front of them and moving around the table to take a seat.

_Ah… Its Sadiq…_

_And most of the people Ivan introduced me to…_

_And there are a few people I don't know…_

"Hey Ludwig," Sadiq grinned, hood still up with the half mask on his face. "How are you today?"

"I'm fine, thank-" The blond teen whispered politely.

"Why do you get the first hello?" Hercules suddenly looked angry. "I should say hello to Ludwig first because I'm much more important than you," Hercules snarled softly. The group around them laughed before looking about each other. Ludwig quickly came to conclusion that there had to be at least ten other students, some that Ludwig had been yet to meet.

"Excuse them," A light haired blond with strong green eyes said quickly. He had the green uniform on with a white beret and Swiss symbol on his necklace. "My name is Vash," The Swiss teen reached out to shake the other blond's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet y-"

"Psh, Lud, just ignore Vash! He's fuckin' loaded- that's why he always walks 'round with a stick up his ass… and that probably why he's the hall monitor but whatever! So is his kid sister, Lilly-" Alfred starts.

"Oh shut up Alfred!" Vash quickly throws Alfred a dark glare. Ludwig cannot help himself when he looks away. "Although I am the heir to the money, it does not mean I have any here. My parents decided I would receive my money after my schooling was done. That is why I am-"

"Everyone knows, you're the mercenary, like I'm the hero!"

"My name is Ludwig," Ludwig says quietly to Vash instead of commenting on Alfred's comment, though a smile did ghost his lips. "It's a pleasure to meet you as well,"

"A-ah, you-you're German, correct? I'm Swiss, I was born in Switzerland and have recently been sent here with my younger sister by our parents."

"Recently! It's been like, I don't know, since I was kid!"

"If you mean maturity wise, then Vash has been here forever." Sadiq joked softly. Alfred pouted and most the other students there laughed, grinning at Alfred whose cheeks heated lightly. Ivan glanced at Ludwig who let another smile ghost his lips though his eyes still looked a bit upset.

_They've all known each other for a long time…_

_I wonder why they even bother with me._

_I'm nothing special, I've never been…_

"Oh shut uppp! Hey-hey wait, you guys wanna play an awesome game? Whoever gets Ludwig to have more fun gets a day with him!" Alfred suddenly cheered. Ivan shot the loud American blond a glare. Sadiq suddenly smiled again before catching Ludwig's eyes, maintaining eye contact, the masked teen stood up. He walked around the table until he was in front of Ludwig. He then kneeled before the smaller teen, removing the mask to show calm brown eyes and a grin. "What'd ya think you're doing, Sadiq?"

"Ludwig," Sadiq took Ludwig's gloved hand and placed it on his cheek, placing his own hand on top of Ludwig's to make sure the smaller blond didn't move his hand away. Ludwig's cheeks flustered, and he suddenly looked alert. "I would be honored to take place in that game Ivan and Alfred were talking about."

_Wha-_

_His eyes…_

_They're so pretty…_

"A little competition is healthy, _non _(no)?" Francis suddenly peeped, a wide grin on his face as he crosses his leg as he winks at Ludwig. Ludwig's eyes are wide with surprise before he turns to look back at Sadiq. A tiny pout forms on Francis's face before a wide grin takes its place. "Of course, without a single, _single_ doubt, I will be the one to win Ludwig's cute little heart~"

"Oh shut up you bloody frog! Go back to see Gil!" Arthur says with a slight glare. He is sitting beside the flirty blond who lets another smile form on his face. Alfred and Ivan are both staring at Ludwig who is still only looking at Sadiq who is mumbling something under his breath as he glares at the two louder blonds.

"Ah, don't be jeal-" Francis swoons, pointing a finger at Arthur who turns a bright red.

"YOU DAMNED-"

"Shut up!" Alfred shouts. There were a bunch of people who began to laugh. Alfred smiled his cute, peachy grin before turning to look at Ludwig. Ludwig wasn't looking at him. Ludwig was blushing and saying something to Sadiq who smiled again and ruffled the smaller blond's hair. Alfred felt a pout form on his face now. Within a few seconds, Sadiq slipped his hands under Ludwig's knees and brought a hand to lift his back. Ludwig let out a tiny squeak before wrapping his arms around Sadiq's neck, bringing the older teen closer.

_What is he-_

_Ack mein Gott!_

"Excuse me!" Heracles pointed his finger accusingly at Sadiq. "You have no right to be holding-"

"What?" Ivan turned to give his right hand man a dirty look. "What do you think-"

"Man, that's not fair!" Alfred whined loudly. Ludwig blinked; face bright red as Sadiq held him in his arms. Alfred was pouting and Ivan was glaring daggers. Everyone else at the table was expressing some sort of protest, but Sadiq ignored it and simply let a smug smirk form on his face as Ludwig glanced back at them.

"Well if you're going to hold him, hold him closer to me, _non_ (no)?" Francis stood up nudged Sadiq with his elbow and winked at Ludwig before smiling at Sadiq. Alfred's frown deepened at not being able to hear what Francis had said. "If you want, Sadiq, Ludwig, I wouldn't mind a three-"

"SHUT UP, YOU BLOODY FROG!" Arthur screamed, his face burning red now. Ludwig's eyes were wide with innocence as he watched the scene unfold around him. Arthur took in a breath to try and keep an even face though it was hard for him. "That is not how you talk to Ludwig. It's extremely rude and-"

"It's just an offer," Francis chuckles. "But I guess if you wanted to join us-"

"P-please, Francis. Watch yourself." Ivan growls, cheeks turning pink at the simple thought.

"I know huh, Ivan?" Alfred's own cheeks were burning a bright shade of red. "Franny needs to learn howta close his mouth!" Francis only laughed, hand elegantly pressed against his lips to try and suppress it. Sadiq simply looked away from Ludwig's confused blue eyes which asked the question the teen hadn't asked out loud.

"Aw? You shouldn't jump to conclusion-" Francis protested before a smile formed on his face. "What if he likes it? Ludwig," Francis called softly. Ludwig glanced at Francis, still clinging onto Sadiq. "Ludwig, my sweet little darling, do you enjoy threesomes?" All heads turn to look at Ludwig.

"Huh?"

_Threesomes?_

_What is he talking about?_

_What are threesomes?_

"Or maybe even more than just three people in your sexual activities?" Francis suddenly peeped, a bright look on his face. "Because I know I wouldn't mind if you wanted-" Francis was elbowed in the stomach by Vash, who glared daggers at the other, though his face flushed considerably.

"U-um…" Ludwig's hands were still around Sadiq's neck as he looked even more confused. Sadiq shifted his weight a little, causing the blond to tighten his grip a little in fear of falling. Sadiq mumbled something and Ludwig smiled slightly. "So, what does he mean by-?"

"Oh my-" Francis's eyes widen and he places his hand over his mouth to hid the growing grin. "His mind is so pure and beautiful! I must be the one to taint him!"

"Wha-" Ludwig blinks, looking confused now.

"WATCH IT!" Alfred and half the people at the table shouted, all of their cheeks still stained red.

"You try, and I swear I _will_ blow your head off." Vash growled darkly. Francis chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his head with a slight blush on his cheek now.

"I don't think Ludwig would approve…" Francis mumbles.

"'Course not! He's too bloody kind to you, you darned bastard!" Arthur quickly growled.

"If Vash doesn't do anything, Francis, remember, I will." Ivan said darkly. Francis, clearly, jumped at the sudden voice, letting a very scared, but trying to be flirty smile form on his lips. "I will, Francis. You know for a fact I will do it, best save face and not test me." Francis simply giggled self-consciously.

"Oh? But I'm the hero, so I'll be the first to save Ludwig… or my sidekick, Mattie!" Alfred fist pumped the air with a wide grin on his face. Then he pointed to Matthew, who sat next to him. "He's been here the whole time just so ya know,"

"Oh I didn't even notice him," A few of the older males let out soft chuckles.

"You will put Ludwig down, da?" Ivan smiled warmly at Sadiq. Ludwig's eyes were wide as he stared at Ivan who kept a sweet smile on his lips.

"I don't know if he wants to be put down," Sadiq frowns at the other teen.

"Hey- hey, I know, set him down next to me," Francis says quickly.

"No not him! You should set him next to me," Another teen said quickly, another flirty smile.

"Yes next to me," Francis pouts before looking up to smirk at Ludwig. "Beautiful, why don't you come sit next to me?" Sadiq kept his arms around Ludwig and Ludwig kept his arms around Sadiq's neck. Sadiq looked down at the younger blond.

"If you want to…"

_He's the one who looks at me like I'm meat!_

_Why-why would I want that…?_

_But it'd be rude…_

"I-I guess I don't mind…" Ludwig whispered though his hands tightened around Sadiq. Sadiq lowered him to the ground now. Ludwig thanked Sadiq quickly before Francis grabbed the small blond's arm, pulling Ludwig onto his lap.

"Watch it!" Ivan growled when he saw Ludwig flinch a little.

"Hmph… Ludwig, don't you like being next to me?" Francis cooed to the blond sitting on his lap. Francis placed his lips against Ludwig's neck. Ludwig let out a squeak of protest, jumping a little as he remembers a memory like this; a kiss of the blade.

_Knife!_

_It's a knife!_

_It hurts, stop it._

Within moments, Ludwig was behind Sadiq, and Vash and a few other teenagers were standing up, all glaring at Francis who let out a laugh. Ludwig was then tossed to Ivan who pulled the young teen into a seat, quietly hushing him as he glared at Francis.

"Maybe he's not into that?" Francis shrugs; a pout on his face as he crosses his arms. Suddenly a smile forms on his face as he glances up before looking towards Ludwig. "It doesn't mean I give up." Ludwig glanced back at Ivan who had a dark expression before a grin formed on his lips.

"Francis, if you try something like this again-"

"Woah you better watch yourself Franny, sounds like Ivan wants to cut your balls off!"

"Wah- no! Ivan, please, not my pretties!"

"Shut up you bloody frog. Ivan should do that!" Ludwig blinks at Arthur before turning to look at the approaching teen. Ivan and the Swiss teen make eye contact and Vash continues to move forward. He pauses in front of Ludwig who was sitting beside Ivan.

"It's truly been a pleasure to meet you Ludwig…" Vash gives the blond a light kiss on the cheek. Ludwig's cheeks heat up as Ivan wrapped his arms around the younger teen. Ludwig glanced up at Ivan who wore a pout on his face before letting a shy smile form on his lips when the two made eye contact.

Vash quickly took a few steps back when he realized that Ivan was giving him a death glare which the smaller blond didn't seem to notice.

"Ah come on! Share the new kid, will ya Ivan?" The Danish whined loudly as he walked towards them, Berwald behind the other louder teenager.

"Should have been here earlier when Ivan was sharing him," Francis sticks his tongue out at the Dane who pouts at him now. Mathais popped into a chair close to Ivan and Ludwig, elbows on table, his head leaning against his hand as he grinned at the quiet blond teen, licking his lips unconsciously.

"So, who called the new kid's innocence while I was gone?"

"What?" Ivan growled dark, though his cheeks heated up a little as he pulled the younger teen closer to himself. Ludwig's face reddened in discomfort and within a few moments managed to turn around on Ivan's lap to wrap his arms around Ivan's neck, burying his face into Ivan's scarf.

_This is embarrassing…_

_Why is everyone looking at me?_

_I can barely keep my breathing normal; I'm trying not to slip up!_

Mathais took in a deep breath his own cheeks turning pink. "Damn this kid is fuckin' hot."

"M-Mathais!" Berwald quickly growled. He grabbed Mathais's arm before pulling him away. "You are really playing with fire, not to mention risking your place as a dorm leader! You should know better than to get on Ivan's bad side." Berwald lowered his voice. "Isn't it obvious? Ludwig belongs to Ivan."

"Come on! I wanna hold Ludwig too!" Francis whines loudly, holding his arms out towards Ludwig. The blond's cheeks reddened again before he clutches onto Ivan tightly.

"Ha! Well you lost your chance when you started actin' like a perv! And of course, since I'm a hero, I cannot let you do that!" Alfred shouts. Suddenly the loud blond pauses. "Hey, hey Mathais, Berwald, you know me and Ivan and all the other guys here are playing a game?"

"A game, what type of game is it Al?" Mathais raised an eyebrow in interest now. "I wanna hear this, eh, Berwald? Sounds kinda cool," Berwald winced when Mathais elbowed him in the stomach though Mathais didn't seem very aware of it.

"Well, anyways, whoever gets Lud to have the most fun gets to take him out for day!"

"Oh!" Mathais peeps, suddenly looking brightly. "I'm totally gonna win this game! I know how to get someone to have a 'good time' right, _right_ Berwald!" A slightly twisted smile appeared on the Dane's face.

"Mathais- stop it! You cannot do that!" Berwald quickly growls. "You must calm down!"

"Aw! Come on!" Mathais smiles slightly again. "I'm totally going to win this game."

"We'll, almost everyone is competing… No way in _hell,_ are you going to win, its either going to be Ivan, Alfred or Sadiq…" Heracles rolls his eyes dramatically before a lazy, confident smile forms on his lips. "But of course, I'm going to win. I can win so easily… I only need to get Ludwig to glance my way, instead of those huge idiots and he'd fall head over heels."

"Why don't you try than?" Francis challenged darkly with a bright smirk on his lips. "Unless you can't…"

A small groan of laziness came from the teen before he stood up, shrugging a little before catching Ludwig's pale blue eyes, a sudden grin made its way to Heracles's face.

"Ludwig," Heracles's calm, charming voice made its way to the blond that slowly tilted his head, only to be leaning more against Ivan who had already wrapped his arms possessively around the teen. Ludwig felt a lot more safer than he ever had as he breathed in Ivan's sweet scent, hands around the older teen's neck, still staring, wide eyed and innocently at Heracles.

Heracles slowly moved closer, about to say something when he realized that Alfred had grabbed his shoulder; it was easy to see that Alfred didn't want the other teen very closer to Ludwig. "We should play more games like this more often, huh?"

"Y-yeah…" Heracles frowned before glancing over Alfred's shoulder at Ludwig who smiled slightly. The Greek teen's cheeks heated a little at the cute little innocent smile that formed on the younger teen's lips though it appeared to be a little taunting.

"We have to declare a winner, right?" Alfred says loudly, giving Heracles a light yank on the arm. Heracles frowns slightly before grinning now, he nodded. Alfred was just afraid that Ludwig would take a liking to Heracles, which was why Alfred didn't want Ludwig near him! "Yeah, we have to vote,"

"But we can't let you or Ivan be a part of it," Heracles pokes the loud teen's nose. Alfred looks a little shocked before his eyes widened a little and his jaw dropped. "That would be unfair,"

"Hey, Greek kid got a brain under that laziness!" Mathais suddenly chirped a wide smile on his face. "We can't let you guys play or you'd win way too easily! He's right because if you two do get to play, you'll win for sure, not even a little competition for the rest of us!"

"W-wait, this is completely uncalled! We should-"

"You're his roommate; you get to see him all day!"

"And Alfred's his partner so he can have him whenever he wants!"

"So we should make it equal to everyone!"

_What? I'm not an item that can be won!_

_What are they saying, I'm a person!_

_I can't be voted off to someone!_

"But- but since I'm the hero, I think my vote should count as two!"

"I don't think-"

"Well whoever we vote for, Ludwig has to approve of them," Ivan says darkly.

"But he looks too shy to say no even if it isn't in his best interest…"

_It's not being shy!_

_It's being polite._

_T-there's a difference…_

"Yeah so how about you and Alfred have to approve of them?"

"That's fine, they'll agree, but no voting for yourself when your name is called. A person must vote either yes or no to each person! And it has to be in the best interest for Ludwig, not you!" Vash quickly sets up the rules before anyone can disagree with him.

"Alright, voting for- FRANCIS!" Mathais called out. Everyone was quiet, and they saw Francis's cheeks heat up a little as a pout grew before he looked like his cheery self.

"Hmph, it doesn't matter anyways! You couldn't know romance if it hit you in the face!" Francis glares at Mathais before a sneaky grin forms on his lips. "If I'm not in Ludwig's best interest, will you accept Mathais then, as a better choice?"

There was another pause, and no one raised their hand. Mathais elbowed Berwald in the gut. Berwald grimaced but decided to humor his friend and raised his own hand before glaring at him.

"HA! I'm one vote better than Francis!" Mathais laughed like a manic before grinning at Berwald who face palmed. The Dane crossed his arms and smiled. "Alright, how many votes are we talking about for Heracles?" Six hands quickly went up now. Mathais pouted when he saw the arrogant look on Heracles's face. "How about Sadiq, how many votes we be talking about for the one guy who picked up Luddie?"

Ivan sighed loudly to get everyone's attention when he raised his hand. Following in suit, Alfred also raised his hand. Within moments almost everyone had their hands raised, and Sadiq couldn't keep the smug smirk off his face. "I guess Sadiq won,"

"What about everyone else-?"

"Psh! No one else is going to get that many votes, Ivan and Al aren't going to agree again on anyone else, at least, not together!" Mathais said loudly. "I mean, they got it wrong, but it's okay! I'll let their big mistake go unnoticed this time, but they better get it right next time and-"

"Mathais, calm down!"

"Well, I'll be trusting you can trust this guy," Alfred said under his breath as he glanced at Ivan.

"Of course I trust him!" Ivan hissed back before letting his hand give the blond's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Hey- hey," Francis pouts now. "We should totally go see Gilgil and make fun of him since he missed such an interesting, or what he'd call as 'awesome' game!" He suddenly cheered as he smiled at Antonio. Antonio smiled brightly at his French friend.

"Hey! I called Gil's attention already!" Alfred says quickly. "We have an appointment with him, I called this morning! You can totally have him this evening if you want, but I called this afternoon!" There was a paused before a smile formed on his face. "Lud wanted to see the lazy bastard and I'm gonna bring him!"

"Oh?" Francis suddenly looked interested as a sly smiled made its way on his face.

"Yup, just me and Luddie are going!" Alfred said cheerfully again.

"When do I get to have Ludwig for a day?" Sadiq says after a few minutes of people talking about it and sending dirty and jealous looks at him.

"What about tomorrow?" Alfred shrugged before glancing at Ivan who nodded.

"Okay," Sadiq lets a smirk form on his lips as he looks at Ludwig. "I can't wait,"

Ludwig's cheeks flush brightly, and he nods. Ivan rolls his eyes as he tightens his hold a tiny bit as a pout forms on his lips. Within moments, the students filed out, going to go do their own things. "So, we should go and see Gilbert now huh?" Alfred asked. Ludwig nodded.

"I'll be in my room than," Ivan pets Ludwig's head before smiling. "I'll see you later, da?"

"Y-yeah, goodbye Ivan," Ludwig says quickly, waving at Ivan who walked away.

"Well, we should get going than, huh?" Alfred grins as he grabs Ludwig's hand. "We have a long day ahead of up~"

_We do, don't we?_

_I just hope it isn't too long…_

_I just want to see __**Bruder**__ (Brother)…_

A smile formed on pink lips at the simple thought of seeing Gilbert again, for the first time since he had left…

_I can't wait to see Gilbert…_

_Because he loves me, and he'll remember me…!_

_Because even if **Mutti** (mommy) didn't love me, Gilbert will, I hope…_

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><p><strong>AN** : The chapter you have all been waiting for is...

after this one.

PLEASE REVIEW! More reviews = sooner I'll post it!


	22. Chapter 20 : Sunshine was Beautiful

**_***Dedicated to Cindy-lou-who***_**

**Warnings** : You will see :D

**A/N** : My new editor's b-day! I just got her to be my editor right now, and she's gonna help me repost all my other chapters in a more... uhhh... edited-ed way xD... THANK HER FOR MY BETTER GRAMMAR! She said you guys were all gonna HATE me when you were done reading it... AND i believe her :D

Anddd this is the long awaited chapter and it is dedciated to her because its her b-day and I wanted to do something nice for her and this was all I could really think of... (I got her a present! i'm not that bad a friend D:)

SO ENJOY AND REVIEW!

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><p><strong>Chapter 20 : Sunshine was Beautiful<strong>

_Brother…_

_Am I really here…?_

_Or is this a dream?_

Ludwig followed Alfred who still was holding his hand. Ludwig felt every wound he had ever gotten, every bruise, cut and burn stung. It made his stomach turn with guilt though he still couldn't decide what made him feel sick with guilt. It was misplaced, as he finally decided.

He closed his eyes as he let Alfred drag him. Ivan had bid Ludwig farewell and began walking towards the dorm, to take a nap, as he had put it quietly. Of course Alfred had rolled his eyes and made a snotty remark about Ivan probably getting into numerous fights along the way.

It was quiet as they walked together. Alfred simply held Ludwig's hand, as if the taller blond was afraid to lose the smaller along the way. Ludwig closed his eyes again, trying to remember his dear brother's face. All he saw was his big brother's smile, nothing else mattered but Gilbert's smile… that smile meant everything to the smaller blond who let a tiny smile appear on his lips.

Ludwig had not made contact with Gilbert yet, though he'd seen him a once. Ludwig had been hoping Gilbert would come find him. Ludwig was frightened of being rejected once the older teen seen him, truly saw him and ugliness. Ludwig was scared of being hurt again, by the one person he loved more than anything else in the world. If he was rejected, it was the end for him. Gilbert was his life.

_My whole life belongs to him._

_It'll always belong to him…_

_Without him… I'm dead to the world._

The young blond watched as Alfred started to say something, laughing as they continued to walk. All Ludwig could really see or hear was Gilbert. Gilbert was telling him to hide again. Gilbert was telling him that _Mutti_ (mommy) was angry right now and that she wanted to play hide and go seek.

When Gilbert was around, he made everything a game. Gilbert said when _Mutti_ (mommy) was angry, that she wanted to play hide and go seek and that you couldn't be found until Gilbert came to get you. That was usually after he came back with a black eye and a few cuts. He always smiled for Ludwig though. He always smiled and played games with him even though Ludwig knew when Gilbert finally found him, when the crying and screaming was all done, Gilbert would be hurt.

Ludwig frowns at the memory, shivering before he realizes Alfred is looking at him funny.

"You okay?"

"O-of course, I'm sorry," Ludwig smiles at the louder blond now.

"It's alright, anyways, about Gilbert-…"

Ludwig bit his lip. When they were children, Gilbert would have done anything and everything in his power to protect him. Ludwig felt something of the taste of iron and salt in his mouth. He glances at Alfred who is still talking. Ludwig didn't care about what Alfred was talking about now, and everything still hurt him. Every single burn and bruise and cut, it all hurt him so badly. Ludwig could also hear a ringing in his ears.

_Gilbert…_

_Don't leave me alone…_

_Please don't leave me alone…_

Gilbert was perfect in every way possible, and Ludwig admired him for that. To Ludwig, his older brother was wonderful. His brother was everything to him. His brother was the reason Ludwig had kept living. Gilbert, that name made him hope for tomorrow, or whenever he'd be allowed to see his big brother again. His brother was the only reason he could still be breathing.

He didn't care about anyone else because when it came down to it, Gilbert was all that mattered.

And he'd finally be able to see him.

He'd finally be able to see Gilbert.

He felt a pang of nervousness at the fear which squeezed him. Ludwig bit down on his lip. He shivered as everything slowly fell into place in his mind. If Gilbert really remembered him, wouldn't he have done everything in his power to do something about when Ludwig had first came here?

_He knew a new student was here…_

_Why would he…_

_Why would he not come to see if it was me?_

Though Ludwig was slowly starting to doubt his brother even cared enough to try and find him. He was only happy that Alfred had not asked anymore questions since the first time they went to breakfast. They are quietly walking down the hallway and Alfred smiles at Ludwig again. Ludwig cannot help the nervous smile that spreads on his lips again, what would he do if he was forgotten?

If he had forgotten him, what was there left to do?

There was nothing left if he had forgotten…

It was Ludwig's end.

"Hey Al! Whatcha doing man?" A voice shouts, a really, really familiar voice. Ludwig's heart nearly stops at the sound. He knew who that was. How could he not? Ludwig could not will himself to lift his head when he heard Gilbert's voice. He could barely will himself to breath. "Oh! You got the new kid with ya? Wish the others could see me now, gettin' my own awesome private visit!"

Ludwig's heart sank, sank until it hit his feet. His stomach turned and for the first time since Gilbert left him, he wanted to cry. The last time he cried was when his mother beat him for the first time since Gilbert left. And that was the time when Ludwig made that promise to himself. He hadn't shed any tears since then, but now that his brother didn't seem to recognize him, it broke him into pieces. But- it was only a _tiny_,_ tiny_ chance his brother forgot him. Gilbert just hadn't gotten a good enough look at him, right?

_Brother?_

_Do you…_

_Do you know who I am?_

"Hey Gil!" Alfred waves his arms around, grinning happily. Ludwig lifts his chin to see Gilbert completely and clearly, his beloved older brother.

Gilbert was taller than he remembered, but he still wore the same tauntingly kind grin and the same snicker that always seemed to be the only sound at their house when they were still together as children. Gilbert had been quiet and much calmer there, and now Gilbert's crimson eyes were bright with life and happiness. Gilbert gave the icy blue eyed blond a glance, but no more than that. It was almost like Gilbert couldn't bear to look at Ludwig anymore.

Gilbert's eyes, Ludwig decided silently when Gilbert had glanced at him, seemed satisfied with what was happening now, in present time, no regrets, and none showing about their past together. Ludwig blinked unsteadily, suddenly dizzy with fear and lost hope. Ludwig wanted to go back to his new room. He didn't want to be here anymore, he didn't want to say hello and to know if Gilbert had truly forgotten him.

Ludwig closed his eyes as he remembered when Roderich had left, he had cried until he was too tired to cry anymore. Gilbert had held him until he had finally stopped crying, and he had made Ludwig promised not to die, to keep living until it was too late and he could not live anymore. Gilbert had made Ludwig promise, and even when Gilbert had left, Ludwig had tried to live to that promise. And now, Ludwig wanted to go back on that promise.

What did life matter to him, if Gilbert did not share it with him?

What did life matter, if no one would love him, if Gilbert did not love him?

_Don't you know who I am, brother!_

_W-was I left behind with mother…?_

_I… I'm sorry, brother… I know I promised, but I want to die…_

"Hey!" Gilbert cheered, waving at Ludwig. Ludwig's head snapped up at his brother's voice. It was warm and cheery but it was also shy, like they'd never met. "What's up? What's your name, new kid? I ditched the dinner with Franny and Toni. We broke out of here and ate pizza at the mall… Sorry 'bout that, but it's the only times the teachers don't pay attention to us,"

_You don't even know my name…_

_You can't even see who I am…_

_Did I change that much?_

Ludwig stares at his dear older brother. So Gilbert had forgotten him, his precious brother didn't even know his name. It's all over, it's all over… Ludwig's eyes go to the floor, lingering to a single stain on the carpet, all alone, like him. He was always alone… it seemed like his loneliness would never end.

A bitter smile formed on Ludwig's lips.

His brother didn't even realize who he was. Ludwig forces an even brighter smile on his face, erasing all of the bitterness before. Gilbert wanted to know his name, like they had never met. Hadn't they grown up together? Wasn't Gilbert the one who use to protect him from _her_? How much worst could this get?

_Please…_

_He can still remember who I am… It's not too late…_

_So why do I still want to die…?_

"My name is-" Ludwig's voice was tiny and soft.

"His name is Lud!" Alfred cheers to Gilbert. A happy smile on his face… Alfred winked at Ludwig, but Ludwig didn't feel scared or like he was a piece of meat anymore, because he _was_ just a piece of meat now. Ludwig was human flesh, but he wasn't a person anymore. Who could he be, if no one he ever cared about could even remember him? "His name is Lud, and he's cool, daresay awesome like yourself Gilbo!"

_T-that's what I used to call __**Bruder**__ (brother)!_

_A-and G-Gilbert still doesn't remember me?_

_… I-I want to die…_

"Hmm? Lud?" Gilbert raises a silver eyebrow in interest, Ludwig's heart soars high. Ludwig could feel something that he forgot about, what was it… was it happiness? Really? _Was_ it happiness? Or was it just relief? He'll never find out. But… did really Gilbert remember him? Ludwig wanted to tell his brother he missed him so badly and to hug him and to cry- "Sounds pretty darn familiar, dude! KESESESES! Lud? Pretty nice name! I'll be sure to see ya around- You're gonna love it here!"

Ludwig choked.

_P-please… let me die._

_I need to die…_

_There is nothing left for me here…_

"Oh so you aren't related!" Alfred says under his breath, a hushed whisper to Ludwig. Alfred is laughing as he patted Ludwig's back in a friendly manner. The pat seemed to slowly kill the other blond boy with now blank blue eyes. Ludwig glances back to his big brother who had a warm smile on his face.

_Y-you promised __**Bruder**__ (brother)…_

Ludwig's heart started to crumble all over as the only two people he had ever cared about him never… they never loved him nor cared enough about him to remember him. Everything was wrong, it was all built on false hope. Everything Ludwig had, everything he had ever hoped for or dreamed about was built on false hopes and stupid promises. His mother never cared about him, and his brother did not care enough about him to remember him.

_I believed you…_

In the wind, the crumbs of his heart blew away, and Ludwig snapped. Ludwig felt everything he had ever hidden and felt start to show on his face. Everything was out in the open, and he was not safe.

_I-I lived on that promise, Gilbert._

_You do realize that, don't you?_

_I'm alive right now because of that STUPID promise._

_That… that stupid… stupid…. Promise…_

_Why couldn't you keep your side of the promise…_

_Brother… __**Bruder**__, __**warum**__ (brother, why)?_

And Ludwig almost fell apart right there and then.

"I forgot something in my room," Ludwig whispers quickly before he could. He breaks away from Alfred as he stalks back to his room. He hears a loud whine behind him, a few whines actually, but he can also feel his eyes stinging.

_It was all I wanted…_

_It was all I ever needed…_

_Why couldn't it have been?_

He grinds his teeth together, and he reminds himself that this was no reason to cry, sternly, too sternly as the tears try to slip down his cheeks without his consent. It wasn't fair, he wipes at his face harshly to stop anymore from falling.

_I never want to see the sun again._

_Its sunshine means nothing to me anymore._

_It can bring me no more hope._

Ludwig looks up at the sun, blinding himself for a second. The young blond remembers as a child when he would look at the sunrise and think about his dear brother. He would wonder if Gilbert was thinking about him and maybe looking up at it too. If Gilbert missed him as much as he missed his beloved big brother. Ludwig had hoped, with the sun, the only star that always came back to him, that his brother would never forget him.

_Only the shining regret…_

_Of the tomorrow that never came…_

_The promised tomorrow that disappeared in front of my eyes…_

Ludwig felt hollow, a hole in his chest, a huge gaping hole. He hated the way it disappointed him so much. He was stupid. So _fucking_ stupid, wasn't he? Ludwig's hands clenched into tight fist, hands shaking at his sides as he gritted his teeth, the tears silently dripping down his cheeks. If he wasn't good enough for his own adoptive mother to remember and care for, why would _Gilbert_ remember? Gilbert was… Gilbert was everything… Gilbert deserved better than his love, didn't he?

Gilbert deserved more than Ludwig could ever offer. Because Ludwig would never be good enough, because Ludwig would never be fit to love, nor to love anyone else. Being loved and giving love away was a gift. A gift that Ludwig knew he did not deserve.

_Oh God… why?_

_It was… it was the only thing that…_

_Why did you make her hate me…?_

_Why did you make him forget me…?_

_Oh God… why?_

_HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?_

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><p><strong>AN** : PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DROP ME A REVIEW!

PLEASE... I NEED TO KNOW HOW I DID... D:

**P.S** : Say happy b-day to my editor while your at it ;D


	23. Chapter 21 : Caught Red Handed

*****DEDICATED TO Mupyeong*****

**(I just forgot about that for a sec...) ANYWAYS- THANK YOU! Because you always manage to review the key chappies and say the things I wanted someone to notice! I'd give an example but thats kinda dorky and everythin'~ Anyways, thankies~**

**Warnings : **Tears, tears and more tears~

**A/N :** Alrightie this is the next chappie! Sorry it took me so long, my bad, i kinda forgot to send it to my editor... This is edited so... heehee *sweat drop*... The next chappie will be more... kolkolkolkol... AND! SEE IS YOU GET THIS... thing...!

"C_ before S_ and a H_ in between..." (hint to next chappie lol...)

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><p><strong>Chapter 21 : Caught Red Handed<strong>

Ludwig hastily unlocked the door to his room, hands shaking and the door knob rattling in his hands. He was harshly rubbing the tears away before he could really start crying. He glanced around his dorm to make sure he knew who was there. He heard someone giggle from the room. It was coming from Ivan's room. Ludwig sighs, a little more breathless than he wanted; at least he knew there was more than one person in the room. Ivan probably had a guest here. He hears Ivan say something in Russian and a soft, slightly girlish voice answers. A little boy's voice says something quickly and another set of awkward, forced laughter. Ludwig ignored it, and he quickly went into his own room, laying down and covering his face with his pillow.

It hurt. He could feel anger, but he should know how to control anger. His own adoptive mother used to spit on him after she beat him, and he never got angry with her. He should be able to control his anger. He learned to choke back the rage and blink until the tears disappeared, so why now?

Was it because Gilbert didn't know who he was, that he didn't remember him?

_I stopped crying when I was eight, after the first time she hit me. _

_Ever since Gilbert left…_

_I started to choke back my tears. I learned to live with her…!_

_So… why is this happening to me now?_

Tears were being rapidly blinked away, but they still wouldn't leave him alone. They kept forming in his eyes. Something inside Ludwig was broken. He had thought Gilbert was going to remember him. He thought Gilbert was going to grin at him, and his crimson eyes would be happy with joy and remembrance- but no… in those red eyes were… There was nothing left for Ludwig. He did not smile for him. His brother's beautiful red eyes did not remember him. His big brother had offered no embrace, no love. It was simply blank. Gilbert did not know who Ludwig was. It was like they never met.

_And he seemed content with it all…_

_But I can't believe Gilbert forgot…_

_He promised me he'd never forget me… But He lied… He forgot me!_

Sure, Ludwig secretly wanted a new start. Away from his mother, so he maybe he had a chance of being loved or worthy of loving someone else again… With his mother, he could never be worthy, but his brother had loved him. He needed his brother to still love him, he needed someone to! Someone who would never hurt him and yet-… yet… Gilbert… He…

_You were the one who hurt me the most…_

Ludwig sniffles, wiping his face as the tears become stronger and more forceful as they slip down his cheeks. He gritted his teeth in anger as he felt them slip down his cheeks. He hated himself for crying like a child. His bottom lip trembles a little, and he wants to let out a quiet sob, but he stops himself. Ludwig wipes his face again, trying to make them disappear.

Suddenly he realizes how lonely he is, crying all alone in a place where he was suppose to be loved. His brother was supposed to love him here. His mother was supposed to be a bad memory by now. But the tears stream down his cheeks as he looks around the quiet, cold, cold room. "_M-Mutti_ (mommy) left me… She hates me…" He chokes out as he tries to organize his thoughts aloud because he realized he couldn't do this in his mind. "_Bruder_ (brother)… he doesn't remember me…" Ludwig winces a little before leaning down to rub his cheek against the pillow and his eyes soften a little as more tears slid down. It was… was comforting… Than his eyes widened as he realized how childish it was. Then he lets out a horribly angry scream.

_No!_

_I_

_Can't_

_Do_

_This!_

"I DON'T NEED COMFORT." Ludwig screams as he sits up, throwing the pillow across the room. He grits his teeth as he glares at it as it goes flying. The object was only going to make him want to be loved again with all of its comfort. But he couldn't be loved anymore. It was impossible now. No one would ever love him. Especially when his own brother forgot him… and when his own adoptive mother, who chose him, didn't love him. "I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING COMFORT!" He flails his arms around violently as he hits the bed around him in a fit of sudden and unexpected fury. He shakes another moment before he jumps off the bed, quickly stumbling to the bathroom. He yanks his gloves off and pulls his over shirt up. He drops to his knees to puke his guts out.

He vomits, his body shaking, shuddering with disgust. His eyes wander up his arm, than down at his stomach. Burns, cuts and bruises, a small smile forms on his lips- he wished he would have worn a tank top, so he wouldn't have to see himself. Ludwig suddenly hears a knock on the door, and his stomach drops yet again. He'd forgotten about everyone else in the room dorm. They must have heard him. Ludwig spits out the rest, before hurriedly going to the restroom to turn on the sink, brushing his teeth thoroughly. The person knocks again, this time a little bit more urgently.

"What?" Ludwig calls weakly as he comes out of the restroom. At least whoever it was was kind enough not to enter his room without knocking. He rubs his eyes and hopes he doesn't look like he's been crying. That will certainly be too embarrassing for him to handle.

"Are you okay in there, da?" Ivan calls through the door. Ludwig whimpers, shaking as he wiped his lips with a towel he'd brought with him. He slips his long sleeve shirt back on, forgetting the gloves on the floor next to the toilet seat.

"What's happening? Are you alright? We heard screaming, and-" Ludwig blinks, he had recognized that voice. He did not bother to strain himself to remember who it was though. He just decided he'd see who it was when he saw who it was.

"I don't think he'll like to hear that!" Ivan says quickly, barely audible to the German teen. "Are you okay in there?" Ivan asks louder again suddenly. Ludwig quickly runs to glance in the mirror, yup, he looked worst than usual. He grimaces to himself before he runs back out to crack the door open slightly, peeking out with a single shining, sad blue eye.

"I'm fine, thank you. Sorry I bothered you." Ludwig says, his voice a little hoarse, he mentally kicks himself. He clears his throat, his hand still on the door and other holding his weight by leaning against wall, in clear view. His sleeve was dipping down a little to reveal more skin than usual. He opens the door a little more as he realized he was being a bit rude by holding it half closed.

"Oh my- what happened to your hand?" The girlish boy yelped, his dark eyes wide with fright now. Ludwig remember Ivan calling him Toris once, there was another boy behind. It was a quiet looking boy, glasses on his pale face with his short blond hair framing his face. Ludwig hadn't responded very fast, too caught up in staring at the intruders before glancing down his hands, now Ludwig jumped back in surprise. Ludwig glances to his hand, his own pale blue eyes widening with shock.

Ludwig's palm, slightly visible, burnt so it was a dark pink and still slightly blistered though it had almost been a few days since he left from home. Yeah, it wasn't in the best condition, but it could have been worst, like it was the first couple days he came here. At least it was easier to hold a pencil now. His eyes go to his fingers; each were light silver to dark pink, all scars and light burns, which had nearly melted off his fingerprints. A now yellowing, but still slightly green to blue, handprint-like bruise around his wrist. There was also another messy dark purple-black bruise on his other hand. Ludwig glanced at the top of his hand, a silver scar bite mark and a few more silver scars that looked like nicks and slices. He quickly threw his arm back and tried to slam the door shut as he realized they were all staring at him.

Ivan caught the door and forced it open before that could happen though.

"Toris," Ivan's voice calm, but it was no longer childish. It was serious. Ivan turns around to smile at the other teen, who still seems shocked. The blond with glasses was clutching his older brother's arm now. "Toris, I think you should take your little brother, Eduard, and leave now, oh and one more thing?" Ivan glances over his shoulder as the other two boys began to scramble off, "I'd prefer if you didn't tell anyone about this, could you two do that for me? You know what'll happen if you disobey me again."

"Oh n-never, Ivan…" the smaller blond chokes out. "We'd never say anything,"

"Of course Ivan!" the older says quickly, nudging the other to the door. "G-goodbye Ivan," Toris and Eduard rush out of the room, a new fear in their eyes. Ivan seemed to be giving off a serious aura, almost purple as it floated behind him. The door was shut quickly. The two probably didn't have a lot of time to grab their stuff. The beige blond glances at the other teen, his expression suddenly softening.

"What happened?" Ivan asks gently. Ludwig stares back at him, glancing back at his hands now, he gulps. Now the other person, one of the only people he didn't want to see his ugliness, could see him. Ludwig's hands were ugly; his hands were ugly, ugly, _ugly_. Ludwig was only happy they weren't shining with blood; at least the others didn't have to see his filth and tainted skin. Blue eyes hardened as they glared at the slivers scars that littered the once pure skin. The yellow-green bruises that he wished could have faded sooner.

"Nothing," Ludwig answers, not even looking up at the other boy. Ludwig could feel his heart sink down again. His thoughts were muddled, and he couldn't think clearly. He gulps as he stares at his hands again, almost like he was looking for some sort of answer. This place, it was going to be a new start, a new beginning, and yet…

_Yet it was all over before it even started._

_What was I thinking? I could actually hide these ugly scars?_

_Someone was bound to see them…_

"What happened?" Ivan asks again, completely ignoring the other's answer now. "I promise, I won't tell anyone. You can trust me, you know…"

"I said nothing." Ludwig says harshly now.

_Go away, Ivan!_

_I'm ugly._

_Please- please don't look at me!_

"If you won't tell me what happen to you hands, than tell me why you were crying." Ivan's voice sounding calming, there was still no sense of aggression or spite. Ludwig's eyes widened a little, and he had to mentally slap himself to keep the other tears in.

"I wasn't crying…" Ludwig's voice was suddenly weak as he held in another sob.

"Now you're lying," Ivan says calmly. Ivan knew he was bully, he knew he was but…- Ludwig was trying not to cry, and it was clear he _had_ been crying. Ivan usually loved to see people cry, he wouldn't lie; he made people cry to see their tears. He loved to see their tears.

But Ludwig was…

Seeing the other blond boy crying- the burns, bruises and scars on his hand and wrist, no it wasn't funny. It didn't make Ivan want to laugh or make the other boy cry again. It made Ivan want to comfort him. Ivan clenched his hands into a fist. He wanted to beat the shit out of someone, preferably the one who made Ludwig cry, or the one who hurt the blond so badly he had scars.

But when did Ivan ever want to do that before?

Ivan was a bully, the so-called 'bad guy' of WB School of Historical Education. But, Ivan decided silently, if Ludwig was going to be the victim, Ivan wanted to be hero. Alfred could whine about it later all he wanted, but, just this once, Ivan wanted to be the hero… Not just any hero, Ludwig's hero.

Ludwig was wiping away at his face, hoping the tears would go away, but they wouldn't leave him be. They started to drip down his face heavily, not able to keep them in anymore. And it wasn't fair. Ludwig had not cried in such a long time, that… Well… Now the tears to seem to have had all built up and they were coming down all at once. Ludwig's shoulders start to shake, and his face becomes red now. His icy blue eyes were to the floor as they shined with tears that dripped from his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Ivan…" Ludwig wiped his cheeks. "I-I really am, I must-"

Ivan hated the way Ludwig's voice broke. And why was Ludwig acting like it was his own fault he was crying? It wasn't Ludwig's fault he was crying. Someone else had made him cry, he couldn't have made himself cry… He was really going to have to kick someone's ass for making his roommate cry.

Ivan did the only sensible thing he could have done; he pulled the other teen into a hug.

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><p><strong>AN** : Please review this chappie!

And don't forget: "C_ before S_ and a H_ in between..." (hint to next chappie lol... SEE IF YOU CAN ANSWER IT!)


	24. Chapter 22 : Flashbacks feel Real

**Warnings** : The evilness and cruelness of my mind will make you want to kill me, _da?_

**A/N** : Okayyy~ Sorry this is so late, but my life has been catching up with me, _ja meine Liebe?_ Need to do work that I decided to do later so that I could write, and all that work caught up with me! Besides, its close to finals and I needa study and all that good stuff that we all hate~

BTW, this chappie has more than just Ludwig in Ludwig's thoughts. There's a flashback in there sorta. He's just thinking about the past and remembering what his mother would say to him if she saw him now or just whole scenes in his childhood!

Anywayyy on with the story, _aru!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 22 : Flashbacks feel Real<strong>

It was quiet for a few minutes, simply the smaller blond shaking in Ivan's grasp. Until Ludwig's breath hitched and suddenly there was a louder sob. Ivan blinked, surprised at the sudden outburst. He let go of the German teen who had begun to wiggle in his grasp. The beige blond kept his mouth shut as Ludwig moved away, a completely horrified look on Ludwig's pale face.

_Please stop it, it hurts!_

"Go away, please go away…" Ludwig choked out, more tears filling his eyes as he started to breath heavily, not able to catch his breath anymore. His shoulders started to tense as he covered his face with his shaky hands. "Go away, go away, go-"

"_**What do you mean stop? You deserve it little shit."**_

"Ludwig…?" Ivan reached out, confused at the suddenness. "A-are you-"

"STOP IT!" The blond sobbed, throwing himself back away from Ivan as he fell backwards. He let out a horrible scream before curling up on the ground. "L-leave me alone, I'm sorry!" Ludwig clutched his light blond hair harshly, his breathing unsteadily as he choked and began to gag. Ivan wondered if Ludwig was pulling his hair out. The blond slowly tried to get up, as if quietly trying to crawl away from Ivan.

"_**Where the fuck do you think you're going? GET BACK HERE!"**_

"L-Ludwig, are you alright?" Ivan asked softly. He couldn't help the hopeless look that crossed his face, he was scared, and he was usually never scared.

Ludwig's blue eyes widened. More tears filled them as the young blond heard Ivan begin to talk. The only thing was that Ludwig never heard Ivan, all he saw was a hand reaching out towards him and that voice. The smell of blood, his blood was starting to make its cruel appearance again. Everything else was turning black and blurry and all of the sounds were distorted and slowly the background changed until it looked like his old room. "_M-Mutti, bitte _(mommy, please)_! Es tut mir leid, bitte, es tut mir lied _(I'm sorry, I'm sorry)!"

Ivan shut his mouth and moved away in confusion.

"_**LUDWIG! GET BACK HERE!"**_

"I-I'm so sorry!" Ludwig cried as he shook his head. "I didn't mean it…" He blubbered as tears slipped down his light pink cheeks. "I'm sorry, please don't…"

Ivan tilted his head at the blond teen, more confusion but also a sudden fear. He didn't know what to do anymore. The beige blond let out a shaky breath. "Ludwig…?"

_I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Mutti…_

_P-please don't hit me anymore, it hurts…_

What had he done to make her hate him? What had he ever done but try to make her love him in any and every way possible. He tried to be happy for her and he let her hurt him, so why couldn't she love him?

_Why are you laughing? Please don't laugh, it hurts… Why are you laughing?_

_Mutter, warum _(mother, why)_? Mutter, deine H__ä__nde sind rot _(mother, your hands are red)_…_

_Why does it hurt so much?_

_Make it stop, please make it stop- I hate the color red!_

"Please don't…" Ludwig cried softly as he pushed his arm out before moving to sit against the wall, head down as he wrapped his arms around his knees. He wiped his eyes and swallowed his tears as quickly as he could so she wouldn't see him cry again. He- he couldn't cry in front of her, she'd-!

"_**STOP CRYING ALREADY YOU BABY."**_

_I-I'M SORRY! I'LL STOP- PLEASE NO, DON'T!_

"Ludwig…" Ivan mumbles, feeling weak and useless. "Ludwig?"

_Don't touch me, it hurts!_

_Stop it! DON'T HIT ME IT HURTS!_

"_**Damned little brat, look at ugly your skin is! Do something about it! IT'S SO UGLY!"**_

"I didn't mean it!" He sobs suddenly. "I-I'm trying to! I swear I'm trying b-but I… I don't know anymore! I don't know my head hurts, it hurts _Mutti_, _bitte_-" Suddenly he screamed again. He was starting to claw at his arm, ripping at the soft flesh on his arms. More tears filled his eyes. "It won't come off!" He suddenly whispered. He looked up at Ivan with a horrified look on his face before he started to tear at his own flesh, blood starting to seep from the wounds.

"_**What? Did you think I really cared?"**_

_Mommy, why?_

"Ludwig, stop it!" Ivan reaches to move the other's hand away but Ludwig hisses and scratches at Ivan's hand; Ivan quickly yanks his hand back. He couldn't help the hurt look that crossed his face. "Ludwig- Ludwig, are you alright?" Ivan whispered as the saw the blond slip under the bed quickly. The blond boy had stopped crying after a while, from what Ivan could hear, but the German boy had barely moved since. Ivan got down to his knees and lifted up the bed spread to see the blond staring blankly at nothing.

"What…?" The teen asked rather slowly, his voice a little raw and choked. His pale blue eyes went to look up, meeting the purple ones. Ivan couldn't help himself when he let his finger wipe away the remaining tears; he guessed he was wrong about the blond boy. He hadn't stopped crying at all. He had just been silently crying.

_**"GET OUT FROM UNDER THERE!"**_

_DON'T DRAG ME! PLEASE STOP IT! NO, NO, NO!_

A horrible scream erupted from the blond before the blond had somehow managed to get from under the bed to the other side of the room, slamming his back against the wall with a loud thud. Ivan stared dumbly, unable to move as the younger teen begin to scream hysterically, tears streaming down his face while he gripped his hair in his hands, rocking himself while standing, bending forward like he was going to puke before standing upright and completely, re-doing the process over and over again. The entire time he had a fistful of his hair.

_MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!_

_**"I hate you. Why can't you just die already?"**_

"_Es_ _tut_ _mir_ _lied_! _Es_ _tut_-" He chokes on his sob and the hacking cough shook his body. "_Tut_ _mir_ _lied_, _Mutter_!" He finished weakly now, sobbing softly. Another scream in pain before Ivan reached towards him. Frantic, wild blue eyes looked up at him blankly. Ludwig didn't see Ivan though; all he saw was the hand. Was she going to hit him again? He didn't want to be hit again. It always hurt. "I swear! _Mutti_, I'm-I- I'm so sorry!" The younger boy gagged and fell to his knees.

_Don't hit me, don't raise your hand!_

_**"GO AWAY ALREADY! I HATE YOU!"**_

_D-don't hate me, please don't hate me!_

_**"I HATE YOU!"**_

_Please-_

The blond whimpered before hurriedly crawling to the nearest corner, pinning himself there and raising his hand in front of face as if to shield himself. "I'm so sorry!" He sobbed bitterly. Ivan slowly moved towards the blond who didn't seem to make any reaction. He reached out slowly, unsure if it would be alright with the blond. Ivan pulled his hand back instantly; regretful he had even thought to the touch the other in the first place. "Sorry! I-I'm so sorry!" He began to shake his head quickly, sobbing and pleading. "So -" He chokes on his sobs again, quickly regaining his breath, "-!" Ludwig stopped again as he choked and gagged and whimpered before hiccupping softly. He had his hands firmly pressed against his ears, still shaking his head though it was much slower now. He kept repeating sorry, he didn't stop, and Ivan didn't know what to do.

"_**Get your hands off your ears, you damned little fuck."**_

_No._

"_**HURRY UP YOU BITCH!"**_

_No mama, please don't make me…_

"_**LUDWIG, GET THEM OFF YOUR EARS RIGHT NOW!"**_

"L-Ludwig?"

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Ludwig slumped over, tears gently rolling down his flushed cheeks, a choked sorry before he was on the floor. Ludwig hugged himself, sobbing quietly. Ivan got down at his knees and looked down at the blond teenager. Ludwig looked up at Ivan, blue eyes completely blank.

_**"I don't like hitting you."**_

_Don't lie to me…_

_**"What did you say to me you brat? You should be happy I even choose your sorry ass. I should have just left you there on the road, no one would have cried if you've just died there! Why the fuck do I even bother myself with you? I could have the perfect little daughter or son and I have you. What a load of shit."**_

"I-I didn't mean it…" Ludwig hiccupped, his breathing heavy now. "I-I'm so sorry… R-really sorry! I-I'll do better next time mommy… I promise, I will! I'll- I'll do better just don't… please don't no more… it hurts… don't leave me…" Ludwig's body was shaking, and his voice was raw. Ivan slowly reached to touch Ludwig's shoulder. Ludwig stiffened under the touch and howled in pain. "I said I was sorry, _Mutter _(mother)! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" The blond teen chokes. Looking up at Ivan with sorrowful, tear filled blue eyes. "P-Pwease… I-I'm dorry… rweally, pwease dop, _Mutti_ (mommy)… _bitte_ (please)…" His voice squeaking and tiny and he placed his hands over his eyes.

_**"Little brat."**_

"I'm not _Mutti _or _Mutter _or mommy (Mommy/Mother)… I'm Ivan… I'm just Ivan, Ludwig…" Ivan whispered. Ludwig looked up at the violet eyed teenager, eyes regaining a little light. Ludwig shook, tilting his head, tears running his face and his breathing hitching.

"I-Ivan?" He choked out sounding confused.

_**"Stay away from that kid."**_

"Da,"

Ludwig blinked as he stared at Ivan. Ludwig stood up before nodding his head. "I'm sorry…"

"Ludwig… what happened?"

_**"I said stay the fuck away from him."**_

"Nothing… I-I'm really sorry…" Ludwig whimpered, rubbing his eyes as more tears began to flood them. He bit his lips, sobbing quietly again now. "I'm really, really sorry you had-had to see that… I am… I'm sorry-"

_**"LUDWIG!"**_

"You don't have to be sorry!" Ivan whispered, reaching to touch Ludwig's shoulder. Ludwig let out a small scream, blue eyes widening with fear and more tears as he turned around to try and run out of the room, only to fall on the floor. He quickly tried to cover his face, sobbing louder now.

_**"STAY AWAY FROM HIM! STAY AWAY FROM THAT BOY, LUDWIG."**_

"_Ja_, _ja_! _Ich_- I will, I will I promise, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" Ludwig choked, shaking and sobbing. "Stop hitting me, _stop_, I'll stay away from him, I'm sorry, I'll stay away!"

"L-Ludwig?" Ivan asked softly, not wanting to touch the teen in fear he'd scream again. Suddenly the blond's eyes widen and they suddenly turned blank. Blue eyes slowly closed and then the blond slumped over, passing out.

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><p><strong>AN** : I'm so sorry this is so late but please don't hate me for it!


	25. Chapter 23 : Say It's not True

**Warnings** : Bad words are used and very very very slight violence.

**A/N** : This is totally NOT awesome. I'm sorry I made you guys wait so long for this...I didn't mean to be so cruel, but... yeah... like I said before in the other chapter I posted for VE... I wasn't in the mood to write without murdering everyone... :D

Please forgive me and be kind enough to drop me a review!

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><p><strong>Chapter 23 : Say It's not True<strong>

_Child abuse… It was child abuse._ Ivan stood still, the room perfectly quiet now. The blond now lying on the bed, almost like a normal teenager. A peaceful look on the young face, and it all seemed too perfect. Ivan wiped away the horrified look on his face and bit down harshly on his bottom lip.

"What am I doing…?" Ivan slowly took a step back, trying not to look too scared. What in the world was he supposed to do now? Tell someone? What if Ludwig denied it? What if, because of his goddamned record, they thought he was the one who hurt Ludwig?

Ivan took in a deep breath. He had to know, was this true? Was it just Ivan being… was it Ivan just… just having a simple… a small little reflection on himself?

Ivan's hand twitched. He had to get out of the room before he started going crazy with thoughts that shouldn't be thought of. He shouldn't even think for a moment something horrible like that could happen! _Child_ _abuse! It was child abuse_, yet the thoughts were back in his head anyways.

Ivan quickly looked away from the sleeping form, how could he even think that could possibly happen to Ludwig? It was wrong. It was too wrong to even think someone's parents… Ludwig's _mother_ did that to him. It was so… so wrong to think someone like that could be done to his friend, to Ludwig.

Ivan knew it now, he _was_ sick in the head.

He hadn't believed it before when he was told he was sick, but before he had never thought such nasty thoughts about someone… that he actually cared about.

Ivan decided to go back to his room. He knew it'd be better not to be in here in case Ludwig woke up and freaked out when he saw him. Ivan went to the door, his hand on the knob when he heard a soft whine. He turned to look back at the blond who was now sitting up.

"Don't leave… I'm scared of the dark…" Ludwig's voice was extremely quiet, and for a moment Ivan thought he hadn't heard it. He turned back to the door, it creaked when it opened. "Don't go," Ivan stopped, deciding, it wasn't a hallucination. He went to the corner of the room after shutting the door to sit down. He glanced around the dark room again before his violet eyes met worried blue.

"Go back to sleep, Ludwig, I won't let the boogeyman get you," Ivan's voice was almost haunted. He was, after all, reciting the words he knew by heart. And he could almost hear his older sister saying that to him again and stroking his hair like when he was a child.

Too bad the boogeyman always got him in the end…

After what seemed like forever, Ivan seemed finally able to close his eyes.

A knock came to the door, and Ivan opened his eyes. He frowned slightly, glancing at the clock. He gathered himself before glancing at the bed, the blond still laid there, limp and lifeless. Ivan stretched before he heard another knock. Ivan frowned before running a hand through his hair.

Ivan winced, trying to fit together the puzzle that wouldn't make any sense.

…_Is this… is this really child abuse?_

Ivan frowned but decided he'd need to confront Ludwig, hopefully not scaring the blond, whenever he woke up. Ivan went to the door, opening it up to see a sheepish looking Sadiq.

"Hey," Sadiq smiles slightly. "Is Ludwig awake?"

Ivan bit his lip, wondering how he would say this. Things were just about to get awkward.

"Hey… Sorry but he's not feeling well. Last night he…" Ivan flinched before he glanced back at Sadiq who looked a little surprised, and yet Ivan knew Sadiq wasn't surprised at all. "He just isn't feeling well…"

Sadiq nodded, but Ivan noticed the darkening mood. Ivan didn't even flinch when he felt Sadiq grab his scarf and pull him towards the masked face. "If I find out you did anything to that brat I'll fucking kick your ass. Don't think I won't, Ivan. We all heard _screaming_. Did you end up killing him?"

"No." Ivan growled. He yanked himself back. "You damned bastard, why the fuck would I hurt the kid?"

"Because that's all your good for," Sadiq spat back before glancing around to smile at the paintings though the smile looked a bit more taunting than usual. "Don't think I forgot freshmen year, look, you still remind yourself every day with your cute little paintings."

"Shut up Sadiq." Ivan growled darkly.

"What? You think I don't know? I know you better than you think."

"I think we both know each other more than we let on." Ivan snarled.

In Ludwig's room, the blond was finally waking up. His eyes felt heavy but he got up, rolling onto his side to reach for his phone to check the time. He glanced at the phone; it was nearly one in the afternoon. He'd missed his summer classes, and he had forgotten all about going to see Sadiq. The teen's mouth opened but nothing came out and he cursed softly before forcing himself up. He frowned before going to the restroom to clean himself up. It was oddly quiet, but he didn't find the chilling silence comforting at all. It scared him shitless instead.

Looking in the mirror he stiffened up. He was a mess. He had a headache, and he had dry tear stains on his face and he just… Ludwig gritted his teeth as he steadied himself, leaning against the counter.

He heard someone shout something, and he shivered. He washed his face before hurrying. He finally decided to peek through the opened door to see the two older teens glaring at each other.

"Of course we know each other better than anyone else. We've been friends since you were ten!" Sadiq shouts now loudly.

"Just because we're 'friends' it doesn't mean we know anything about each other! And I'd _hardly_ call it a friendship, you just wanted to kick someone's ass and I just happened to be able to let it happen!" Ivan's voice was dark and Ludwig shrunk from his spot at the door.

He hadn't really ever heard Ivan use that tone with anyone. He saw both teenagers' hands balled into fists. They were shaking with what Ludwig believed was rage. Ludwig let out an unsteady breath. "I-Ivan, what's wrong?" Ludwig managed to form the words as he closed the door behind him with an uneasy creak. Both teens glared his way, and the meek blond let out a soft cough before moving back a little, hands frantically searching for the knob behind. Ivan felt his eyes soften.

"Are you feeling better Ludwig?"

Ludwig nodded quickly, not knowing why he should feel bad.

"I guess I'll go now than," Sadiq said gently before letting a slight smile from his lips. "Sorry about yelling at Ivan, Ludwig. I didn't mean to wake you. I'll see you later, okay?"

"It's okay," Ludwig whispered. "A-and I'll see you later too,"

"Goodbye Sadiq." Ivan said slightly forcibly. There was a shut of the door and the room became silent. Ludwig quickly opened the door to his room and started to shut it when he felt a small pressure on the door, keeping it open. "Ludwig, are you really alright?"

Ludwig opened the door to look at Ivan now.

"Are you alright Ludwig?" Ivan asked softly again as the door opened fully. He slowly reached out, letting his fingers touch the side of Ludwig's face. He almost threw his hand back, his own violet eyes wide with dread and regret as he saw blue eyes burning with fear. "I-I'm sorry Ludwig-"

Ludwig quickly shook his head, face flushing. "N-no… I'm sorry,"

"Ludwig…" Ivan tried not to look confused. He didn't know what to say anything, he couldn't think about how to form the words in his mouth anymore, let alone think about forming the question he so desperately wanted to- no _needed_ to ask.

"What is it Ivan?" Ludwig whimpered. He took a step back. "Do you want to talk in the living room?"

Ivan still couldn't talk, so he just nodded his head. Soon they were both seated, and Ludwig was staring at the Russian teenager, icy blue eyes staring and seeming to look into the depths of his soul. Ivan winced and rethought everything he wanted to say.

From past experience and simply judgment, he knew this would not end well.

But he had to know.

But did he really _want_ to know?

Ivan bit down on his lip, trying to find a way to say it without being rude, but the whole idea was disgusting, it was wrong to even think about it. He was disappointed in himself for even thinking for one second that the blond had been…

_Child abuse, it was child abuse._

Ivan wanted to hit something.

_Child abuse!_

He was horribly disgusting. How could he even believe for one more second that-

_It was child abuse!_

"Ludwig!" Ivan snapped. His voice a little bit too harsh. He saw the blond wince. Ivan let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Ludwig… I shouldn't have yelled; I don't know what overcame me…"

"It's alright," Ludwig answered quietly.

"Ludwig," Ivan moved a tiny bit closer, very slowly reaching out of touch Ludwig's hand. Ludwig looked a bit confused and quietly clutched Ivan's hand closely. "Ludwig," Ivan whispered again, Ludwig looked even more confused at the Russian teenager who was still lost for words.

"Is something wrong, Ivan?"

"_Nyet_, nothing is wrong… but are-… are you alright?" Ivan asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Ludwig said gently. "Are you alright?"

"I need to ask you a question," Ivan whispered softly. The German teenager seemed to look very serious now as he sat up straighter. "But you can't… Ludwig, you can't get mad, please, please don't get mad at me, Ludwig…"

"I won't get mad," Ludwig said. Ivan felt like he was one being comforted now as the Ludwig patted his hand softly. "I promise, Ivan. You've been so good to me, why would I get mad over a question?"

_You don't understand!_

_You don't get it, Ludwig!_

_I… This is a horrible question…_

"I…" Ivan couldn't look Ludwig in the eye anymore.

_How I can I ask him this?_

_Have I no more decency?_

_Have I gone mad?_

"Ludwig… I'm sorry," Ivan whispered. "But… can you tell me about your childhood?" there was a pause and when Ivan glanced back at Ludwig, he saw the blond had stiffen up a little.

"My… you want to know about my childhood?" Ivan nodded at the blond and it seemed to take Ludwig another moment to recover. "I have an older brother and a mother. My older brother would take care of me as a child until he… went away and then my mother…" there was a longer pause before a smile fell upon the blonde's lips. "Then I came here,"

"Did she ever hurt you, Ludwig?"

"My mother-… she… she hates me now…" Ludwig whispered. Blue eyes looked away, not willing to meet violet eyes anymore. Ivan saw the blond shake a little before Ludwig moved away a little. "She would never… she didn't mean to… She never wanted to hurt me,"

"Ludwig…"

"She didn't mean it, it was my fault."

"Ludwig."

"I was the one who made her! It was my fault, she didn't want to!" Ludwig shouts suddenly, standing up to glare at Ivan though Ivan could see how hard it was for the blond not to cry. "She… she doesn't hate me, I-I was just joking, she doesn't hate me! She just… She's not happy with me anymore because I'm… I'm horrible."

"You're not horrible…"

"Yes I am!" He said forcefully, looking a bit frightened now. "That's why she hit me because I'm stupid, I'm stupid and I… I'm not good enough! I _am_ horrible! I won't ever, ever be good enough for her, I… I'm not good enough, Ivan!"

"Yes you are…" Ivan stood up too, flinching when he saw the fear flash through the blonde's eyes. Ivan tried to think of something reasonable to say without hurting the blond. "Ludwig… you aren't horrible… you _are_ good enough… she's the one who-" Ivan felt his violet eyes widen a little as he felt Ludwig slapped him across the face. The beige blond touched his cheek as he stared at the crying blond now.

"It's my fault! It's _my_ fault, Ivan!" Ludwig shouted, shaking now. "It isn't hers… It can't be…" Suddenly the blond was trying to cover his face, crying even louder now, and Ivan felt a sudden sorrow. "If-if… the fault isn't mine… who's is it? I… It has to be mine, Ivan! She… _Mutter_ isn't at fault!"

"Ludwig…"

"Leave me alone! You-… you don't understand…" Ludwig whispers suddenly. "It's my fault; it's always been my fault… She can't… Ivan you don't get it! I was the one who made her do it!"

"Ludwig… please, don't…" Ivan said softly, reaching out to grab Ludwig's wrist. Ludwig squeaked in anger and nearly bared his teeth at Ivan like an animal before he started to cry again, automatically reaching out to nearly jump the older boy. "Ludwig?"

"Why can't she love me? It was all I ever wanted- it was all I ever wished for!"

"Ludwig…"

"Why couldn't she at least have stopped hitting me? She could have left me alone, she didn't even have to tell me that she loved me… all I wanted her to do was to stop hitting me!" The blond blurts, crying a bit louder now as he tried to wipe the tears away. "It… it wasn't… wasn't supposed to be like that!"

Ivan patted the blonde's back slowly; still scared Ludwig would do something stupid. Ludwig moved away suddenly, walking with a blank yet sorrowful face to his room. It was eerily how his mood had suddenly changed from sobbing to almost dead silent, only a soft sniffing and gasping. "Ludwig?"

"It wasn't supposed to be like this… brother was supposed to be waiting for me…" Ludwig whispered. It sounded although he was lost in thought. "He was supposed to be waiting for me. I thought- thought he cared about me…" Ivan watched as the blond began to shake with a sob again. "He forgot about me, he promised he wouldn't forget, and he _forgot_!"

"Your brother…?" Ivan asked gently. His siblings were the reason he was okay now. How would he have ever survived if it weren't for them? He knew how important they were, and he realized how important this brother must have been to Ludwig. "He was supposed to be waiting for you?"

"Y-yeah, Gil-Gilbert forgot about me; he promised he wouldn't, but he did!"

And for a moment everything made perfect sense.

Ivan had never hated anyone more in his life.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt is your brother?" Ivan's voice barely came out as a whisper. Ludwig nodded, hands over his eyes as he tried to stop his own crying. Ivan blinked, wondering how he had been so stupid to miss that clear connection between the two. Ludwig had given him so many hints, so many slight indications, how did he miss that? "He didn't…" –_That_ _fucking_ _son of a bitch–_ "…remember you?"

The blond shook his head, still sniffing, seeming to have finally been able to stop crying now. And Ivan felt an even darker hate towards the absent minded silver blond.

_How could Gilbert forget his own brother?_

_How could Gilbert hurt his own brother so much?_

_That… how could he do that to Ludwig?_

Ivan stopped the rest of his fear of rejection, realizing the blond was probably in need of comfort, even if he didn't want to acknowledge it, so the beige blond slowly moved closer to wrap his arms around the blond. Ludwig shakily let his own arms wrap around the older teen. He sniffed before finally closing his eyes and seeming to calm down completely.

It didn't take long until Ludwig felt secure enough to fully lean into Ivan's arms, breathing in a scent a sweet, gentle air he knew he'd never forget. And for the first time since Gilbert had left him so many years ago, he felt he could fall asleep in someone's arms and trust them not to leave him…

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><p><strong>AN** : Okayyy I'm just putting this here to bug you all and to see if any of you guys actually read this because I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to myself.

But um, yeah, I haven't forgot about this story, or you guys, I care deeply lol! And so, I would like to ask if anyone had any questions or comments! I'll do my best to answer them! :D... *looks away and suddenly becomes embarassed* I'm still very sorry about the annoyingly _long_ wait. If you want to complain, go right ahead, I think I deserve it lolz *bows head* (It was very rude of me to let my private life get in the way of this whole updating thing *sad face*)


	26. Chapter 24 : Failure in Life

**Warnings: **Minor violence, cursing and bad cliff hanger!

**A/N:** Alrightyy! It's been a while since I've been on this! I've had a rough patch again, but I'm okay! And to top things off, I've been done with this chapter for about two or three weeks. I AM SO SORRY. I totally meant to update wayy sooner, but I couldn't get my editor to edit this (God why am I so dumb? I should have begged her... HA.).

In order to make me look better, I'm going to add that I'm done with the next chapter~ I'll post that sooner or later! I'd like to add this may not be as finely edited as others because my editor was not present during its publishing to the world!

This also has some action! HAPPY READING! Oh- and Happy Easter!

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><p><strong>Chapter 24 : Failure in Life<strong>

"You want me to invite Ludwig out?" The blond American teenager laughed at the answer he received on the cell phone. He balanced his phone on his shoulder, leaning his ear down against it. He grinned slightly, playing his video game while sitting on his bed in only his boxers. "Sure, sure, Gilbo, but why are you so interested in him _now_ anyways? You didn't seem to care much when he first came over. Hell, it's been a long while since you cared about any of the new kids 'round here." Another pause before the blond sighed. "It is _so_ not awesome to keep a secret- okay, okay I get it; I'm not awesome enough to say the word awesome!" Suddenly a timid knock came to the door, and Alfred glanced over to it, knowing it was his quiet roommate. "Yeah, Kiku, come on in!"

"Alfred-san-" the Japanese teenager started, opening the door to peek inside only to see the American boy sitting on the bed without a shirt on. His face heated up as he quickly looked at his feet. "Please Alfred-san! Put on some clothes, it's indecent!"

"Aw, it's not that horrible," Alfred rolled his eyes before grinning at Kiku. "Did you ever get to meet the new German kid, Kiku?" The Asian teenager shook his head furiously, face still pink. "Well, I'm gonna snatch him from the Russian later and since Gilbert wants to see him, I'm thinking I'll drag you along too, so you can meet him! I'll kill _two_ birds with _one_ stone!"

"Why would you want to kill two birds?" The Asian sounded horrified.

"N-no!" the American sounded giddy now. "I'm not _really_ gonna kill two birds- Yeah okay we'll talk later man. Uh-huh, later dude." Alfred ended his call with Gilbert now. "Dude, so, do you want to go meet Luddie with me later? I mean, I'll probably snatch him while they're gardening." Alfred smiled brightly as Kiku nodded once. His character was killed on the screen. He didn't even seem to notice now. "Ivan will barely notice Ludwig's gone! He never lets anyone touch the sunflowers once he starts to tend to them, and he never stops until he's fully done with the tending."

**GAME OVER**

The icy blue eyed German sat on his knees, calmly watching as Ivan tended to the sunflowers in such a caring way, Ludwig was scared to touch it. "Do you not like to garden?" Ivan asked softly, noticing how reluctant the other was to touch any of the tools or even the flower.

_He's acting like I never… told him, like it never happened…_

_D-do I embarrass him now?_

_Maybe I shouldn't be here with him…_

Ludwig shook his head, staring at the floor. He couldn't talk to Ivan. He could barely make eye contact without becoming dreadfully embarrassed because he felt completely repulsive.

Ivan scooted closer, placing a gentle hand on Ludwig's shoulder. "You know, if you don't feel well, we can always go back to the dorm… Or if you want anything, you can tell me. I'll do my best to get it for you. Don't feel like you can't ask, there's nothing wrong with wanting something, _da_?"

"A-aren't you ashamed me, Ivan?" Ludwig choked out softly, hating the way his voice sounded so weak suddenly. He looked up Ivan, watching as Ivan's face went from surprise to sudden shock.

"No!" The Russian winced as he saw the blond cower slightly. Ivan bit down on his tongue, reminding himself to stay completely calm. He didn't want to risk scaring Ludwig. "_N-nyet_… I'm not-… it wasn't your fault it happened to you, it wasn't yours. Don't feel like it was, Ludwig. You have nothing, _nothing_ to be ashamed of… alright?"

The blond boy nodded, fat tears slipping down his face suddenly. The blond winced, rubbing his eyes in hopes of them disappearing before Ivan could notice, but Ivan had already seen them. Ivan wrapped his arms around the blond, resting his chin on the top of Ludwig's head. "T-thank you, Ivan…" Ludwig choked out.

_Why would he still want to hug me, when he knows how ugly I am?_

_Doesn't he realize how ugly I am?_

_My skin is littered with scars and bruises._

"You don't need to thank me, Ludwig." Ivan whispered, smiling slightly as he wiped at the blond teenager's tears. "Don't cry, alright? It's okay now, I won't let anyone hurt you anymore, I promise, _da_? So you don't need to be sad or scared anymore,"

"I-I know," Ludwig sniffled, nodding his head. "I didn't mean to worry you, Ivan… I'm sorry,"

Ivan nodded, cupping the younger teenager's cheeks. He enjoyed the moment when Ludwig seemed to forget about everything else, and his cheeks turned a bright pink, his icy eyes widening with slight shock at the action. "May I kiss your cheek, Ludwig?"

The blonde's mouth opened in a gap, cheeks turned a brighter pink before he tried to look away, but Ivan carefully held his face in place. So the best the blond could do was avert his eyes, an embarrassed frown formed on his face before he glanced up at Ivan and saw the seriousness in the question. Ludwig's eyes widened a little before he nodded slightly, turning his head sideways to show his cheek.

Ivan couldn't help but smile, leaning forward.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO LUDWIG!" Alfred shouted, succeeding in making both teenagers jump. Ludwig looked a little frightened. Alfred looked completely enraged at the sight of Ivan having Ludwig in his arms. "W-What the hell are you doing to Ludwig, Ivan?" Alfred calmed his voice, though his fist shook at his side. He had noticed the terrified look in the German teenager's icy blue eyes.

Ludwig looked down, face still burning. He glanced back up, seeing Ivan still smiling. Ivan's smile was annoyed yet forcefully cheerful, it could barely keep its form. "I really… _really_ don't like you, Alfred." Ivan said sweetly. "I think I actually hate you more than I did yesterday, _da_?"

"Good, ya fuckin' Russian!" Alfred hissed, glaring daggers at Ivan. He reached down to grab Ludwig's arm. He pulled the smaller blond to his feet a little too roughly, making Ludwig wince. Ivan kept his mouth shut as the saw Ludwig shiver. "I think I can proudly say I'm stealin' Ludwig from ya. I think this makes me a real hero now!"

"Ah?" Ivan stood up too, unable to hide his annoyance. "Are you saying I'm the bad guy here, Jones?"

"What else would I be saying, Braginski?" The American said lowly, "I'm the hero, so I think I'm entitled to that much, huh?"

Ludwig quickly took notice to the annoyance in Ivan's eyes. The German was unable to hide his sudden fear and worry as he quickly looked to the ground, shaking slightly. Ivan took notice and decided to back off, giving Alfred a tight smile. "I wonder why I deal with you." Ivan sighed before completely surrendering and sitting back down on the floor.

Alfred looked completely shocked before a goofy grin appeared on his lips. "Cool." As he was about to begin to drag Ludwig away, the German turned around to wave, letting a tiny smile grace his lips. Ivan looked surprised before hastily waving back. "We're going to find my roommate, okay? His name is Honda Kiku, call him Kiku though. He prefers it to Honda. He's Japanese. I guess they thought that after World War Two, they needed to partner us up based on the countries that attacked each other or just plain history 'cause America bombed the shit outta Japan."

Ludwig's eyes widened as Alfred seemed not to care or be sensitive about the subject. Alfred quickly took notice and his face looked flushed.

"I-I'm not sayin' I think it's _dumb_, or that I don't give a shit, but I mean like- it _does_ matter, and I care, but I don't like… like really… I just- just word things weirdly! I meant it like… Ugh… Kiku will explain what I mean, but um let me tell you a little something about him." Alfred said, looking a little embarrassed. "He's a good guy. He's about the same size as you actually, but he's real nice. He knows how I feel about the whole World War Two thing; he'll explain what I mean. I just have a hard time sayin' it without sounding like a complete-"

"…'ass'?" A small, professional voice quoted. Both teenagers glanced to see the small Asian. He was wearing the green school uniform, showing he was from Dorm D, neatly arranged to perfection. His eyes and hair were both dark, and his skin was pale.

"Took the words right outta my mouth," Alfred grinned. "This is Kiku, Luddie, and this is Ludwig, Kiku! I know you guys will get along great; you act alike in tons of ways, and you sort of look kind of alike too… both small! Oh but I guess you'd look more alike if Ludwig kept his hair down, he slicks it back!" Alfred chatted aimlessly for another few minutes as they began their walk to Dorm D.

"Where are we going exactly?" Ludwig asked some time into their trip. He was beginning to recognize this trail, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Ah, you didn't tell Ludwig? We are going to visit Gilbert."

"Yeah, we're gonna visit Gilbo!" Alfred said cheerfully. He frowned when he saw Ludwig had stopped walking. "What's wrong, Luddie?"

"I-I don't-" Ludwig started weakly. He bit down on his lip as he remembered that Gilbert didn't remember him at all. He didn't like Gilbert's pretty red eyes anymore. They hurt him. They weren't the same loving ruby that had left. Oh, how much Ludwig wished they would care for him.

"What do we have here?" A deep voice laughed, a rough hand grabbed the small German's thin shoulder, making the teenager grimace in pain.

"What are you doing here, Nergüi?" Alfred snarled though Ludwig automatically saw the fear in his bright blue eyes. Ludwig's icy blue eyes mirrored them; Nergüi's grip was becoming too harsh. Ludwig tried to stay calm, taking in a deep breath to even out his breathing. He couldn't get scared here. He _couldn't_. Not _here_.

"Me?" The older teen chuckled. "I was only walking to my dorm room when I saw a little something that didn't belong here."

"He's my partner, he goes where I go!"

"Yellow doesn't fit in a room full of green." The older teen said softly, still gripping Ludwig's shoulder harshly. Kiku saw Ludwig shiver. The Japanese teenager noted that Ludwig's head was done so he wouldn't have to meet anyone's eyes.

"Don't act like you're all for school spirit now! We all know why you're going this!"

Shakily, Ludwig turned around, obeying the hand which turned him. Icy blue eyes looked up to meet the older teenager's eyes. Nergüi wore a green uniform, still as sloppy as it was last time. He had a shark like grin which frightened the younger teen. Ludwig winced, noticing that though Ivan and Nergüi were about the same age, Ivan was much kinder.

"Lookie here, it's Ludwig, right?" Nergüi asked, grinning, though Ludwig knew he was demanding an answer that they all knew he knew already.

"Leave him alone already, don't be a fuckin' jerk, Nergüi!" Alfred hissed, noticing how frightened Ludwig looked now. Alfred frowned, hands turning into a fist as he glared darkly at Nergüi, suddenly angry that he hadn't noticed the older teenager until it was too late.

"Why should I? Ivan seems to really like this kid, is it really a problem if I want to know why?" Nergüi sounded amused now gripping Ludwig's shoulder impossibly tighter. Ludwig bit down his lip, trying to hide his pain, though he knew that it was going to bruise later.

"It's a huge problem!" the American half shouted, half growled. "Now _back_ _off_ already! Knock it off and give Ludwig back!"

There was a slight pause in which Nergüi seemed amused until he glared darkly at the American. "You better back off, Alfred, and let me beat the shit out of this little brat, or I'll have to beat the shit out of you too." Alfred looked a little startled before another fierce look crossed his face.

"Fucker, I'll kick your ass!" Alfred shouted, raising his fist.

Within moments, Ludwig was pushed forward. The German teenager barely managed to catch himself as he hit the floor. A sharp kick to the side and Ludwig winced, falling completely onto the ground now. Ludwig looked up, watching Alfred struggling to hold his own against the upperclassman. Kiku looked alarmed, flinching as he saw Ludwig force himself back to his feet. Ludwig winced, holding his side, but he was determined to get up as he heard Alfred groan in pain.

"Shit head!" Alfred managed to get a good punch in, forcing Nergüi back a step. Alfred was soon knocked to the ground, barely managing to get back to feet, shutting his bright blue eyes as he realized the punch was aimed at his chest. He wouldn't be able to stop it, and he didn't want to risk blocking it, in the fear Nergüi may try to beat the other blond as a punishment.

"S-stop it!" Ludwig shouted though his voice trembled, and he looked frightened. He barely managed to push Alfred back a step before the punch could land. Instead Ludwig fell towards Alfred after the punch hit the back of his head. Alfred managed to catch Ludwig, seemingly startled that the other had taken such a punch for him. Before Alfred could do anything to try and protect the German, Nergüi snatched the smaller boy's wrist and pulled him back away from Alfred.

Ludwig shut his eyes tightly, knowing he'd be punched.

And he was.

The small teen fell backwards from the impact which was so much stronger than what he was use to, biting his tongue on accident. Ludwig whimpered as he felt blood run down his face. He touched his lip, tasting the bitter blood in his mouth. He wiped at his nose, blood dripped from there too. He touched his forehead from when he had fallen; he had a cut there now. He didn't want to look in a mirror because he was probably bloody and bruised again. Ludwig lay on the ground, wanting to disappear as he realized everyone would see him bloody and battered. It was exactly what he wanted to never happen. He tried to cover his face as Alfred and Nergüi fought.

It didn't take long until both blonde teenagers were on the ground, cowering from Nergüi's brutal attacks.

Alfred hovered above Ludwig, barely managing to hold himself above the smaller blond, afraid to let go of his weight and fall on top of him completely though hid strength was slowly being chipped away with each powerful blow. Alfred winced, trying his best to stay above Ludwig, trying to cover the smaller blond from anymore attacks, trying to be the hero.

Neither had noticed that the other teenager, the Asian, had taken off, hurrying to find the only two who could successfully beat the Mongolian teenager.

Kiku found Sadiq in the greenhouse near the tulips, surrounded by most of the kids from his country who were chatting about something of little importance. When Kiku told Sadiq, Sadiq didn't seem really affected at first, though it was clear he was trying to stay calm. He had nodded, standing up but had hurried to find Ivan who sat, still tending to his sunflowers.

Kiku didn't miss the fact that Sadiq had tensed up and his movements became a little jerky and aggressive when he had told him what had happened.

Ivan had barely begun watering his beloved sunflowers when they broke the news to him. The tall, Russian teenager had dropped the watering pot in his hand. It crashed to the ground, the water gushing out and onto the soil and concrete. Both knew Ivan was beyond words as his body erupted in a dark purple aura. "That dumb _bastard_."

No one spoke as Kiku quickly led them to where he had left the two blonds.

The three appeared just as Alfred had been violently pulled away from Ludwig and back to his feet. Nergüi punched Alfred harshly in the stomach, making the blond teenager groan in pain before he slumped over in defeat, barely able to stay standing. Nergüi then turned to give the German teen a kick to the side, yanking the smaller blond to his feet and punching him across the face which sent him to the floor again with a thud.

"Y-you fucking-" Ivan hissed. Within moments of Ludwig seeing the older boy, tears began to form in his eyes. Ludwig hushed his own cries and blinked until his vision began to slowly clear, quickly looking down in the hope that Nergüi and the others would simply leave him to lay here until he gathered up enough strength to get up on his own again.

Sadiq noticed the silently crying form on the ground and quickly grabbed Ivan's shoulder, pulling him back from beating Nergüi like he so desperately wanted to. "Grab Ludwig, Ivan, it will probably make you feel better than just beating the shit out of this guy, 'sides I'll make sure to give him a good punch for you."

Ivan looked down at Ludwig, noticing how scared the poor kid was and frowned, nodding to Sadiq before he changed directions to go to the blond. He scooped up Ludwig in his arms and moved away from the Nergüi and Sadiq who were starting to attack each other.

Ivan sat down again, wanting to be able to hold the blond closer. As he was holding Ludwig, Ludwig bit down into his lip, breaking the skin. He shut his eyes, throat and eyes burning as he wanted to cry. The German teenager buried his face into Ivan's jacket and scarf. Ivan noticed the blood stains which were beginning to form on his clothes, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything or move from his current position.

"I-It hurts," Ludwig managed to form the words in his mouth though his painful cries and whimpers barely made it audible let alone understandable. Ludwig held on painfully tight, not willing to let go, so Ivan was unable to look at Ludwig's face which was buried against his chest.

"I'm sorry," Ivan whispered softly to the sniffling teenager. "I shouldn't have let Alfred take you over here. I should have kept you. I should have made sure he kept you in Dorm E where no one would have touched you… I'm so sorry, Ludwig, please don't cry anymore…"

Ludwig clutched onto the older teen, quickly trying to silence his whimpers. He hated that he was so weak. He hated that he couldn't handle a simple beating anymore and more importantly that he had trusted his surrounding so much he hadn't been careful. He suddenly realized he didn't care about it all. He didn't care that he had been beaten. He didn't care that he had been so stupid that he actually thought for a moment he could trust this place, that he could be normal again, he didn't _care_. All he really knew was that someone came back for him.

Ivan came back for him.

He didn't leave him.

He didn't _forget_ about him.

"I'm so sorry," Ivan mumbled, stroking the blond teenager's hair and causing the gel to come undone, slowly making his hair fall down to frame his tear stained face.

_I let him get hurt._

"Please don't cry," Ivan mumbled, still hugging Ludwig to himself. He didn't care about fighting anymore. He could let Sadiq do that. Sadiq was strong, so he could handle it.

_ I let Nergüi hurt Ludwig…_

"Ludwig… Ludwig, I'm so sorry… please don't cry…"

_ I didn't stop him._

"I'm so sorry…"

_I'm worthless._

Ivan clutched Ludwig closer to himself. He didn't even seem to notice what the others were doing or talking about as he held Ludwig. It didn't matter anyways. All that really mattered was that he had failed at the one thing he thought he could do right. He didn't even notice as Alfred took a few steps back as Sadiq entered the scene.

"You need any help finishin' him off?" Alfred called though he sounded dizzy. Sadiq had clearly seen the faintness on the American's face when he had first came here, so he shook his head without even turning to make eye contact, focusing on Nergüi. Alfred smiled before nodding and nearly falling backwards, the Japanese teen barely managed to grab a hold of him and help him down a bit more gently.

"Are you alright, Alfred?" Kiku pestered, touching the other teen's face. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and gently dabbed at the blood which began to dribble down Alfred's lips.

"I'm perfectly fine, Kiku! I'm the hero after all…"

Not too long after, Sadiq sent Nergüi away. Sadiq had only said that he would let him off the hook now, but the next time they fought, he would really get it. Nergüi had merely scowled and called it an empty threat before stalking away. He still had a broken arm.

Sadiq went to stand beside Kiku who quietly tended to Alfred who had laughed and was now sitting up though he looked more than dizzy now. "Are you sure you're alright, Alfred?"

"Perfect!" was the dizzy reply before Alfred passed out, Kiku yelped looking completely concerned and worried. The Asian looked up at Sadiq who sighed a little before pulling Alfred to his feet.

"Let's take this guy to the nurse's office." Sadiq laughed, he turned to look at Ivan who looked up, making eye contact with the Turkish teen. "I'll drop by your room later to check on you two. Until then, take care and don't go trying to fight with anyone."

"I won't," Ivan called back, watching as they left. He shut his violet eyes tightly as he held the boy before opening them, making eye contact with **red** eyes. He frowned at the sight of them before tightly and protectively wrapping his arms around the blond German.

_What the hell is **that** fucker doing here?_

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><p><strong>AN:** What did you think of this chapter! Was it okay!

Oh, and if this all works out the way I want it to, the next chapter should be out on Monday! (but by next Friday at the most)

I also know I've been a horrible updater- FORGIVE ME! And um... please drop me a little review?


	27. Chapter 25 : He's DEAD

**Warning(s): **This contains mentions of child abuse, physical and emotional. This also contains slight violence and bad language.

**A/N: **This is also not edited by my editor because I'm dumb and I haven't brought up fanfiction in a long while. Each time I do, I'm sort of, kind of, actually really, shy to mention it. I talk ahella lot but I don't know how to talk about the stuff I really want to talk about because I'm stupidd! But anyways, forgive me!

One more thing, I kept my promise of updating today because I've been a horrible updater and I've decided this would be to make that up? Or at least try to TROLOLOL!

I HOPE I BRIGHTENED UP YOUR MONDAY (Personally, I HATE Mondays!)

**Addition:** I added some comments to reviews at the end of this chapter, so stay tune and see if your name is there?

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><p><strong>Chapter 25 : He's DEAD<strong>

Gilbert snickered softly to himself as he watched as Sadiq leave with Alfred and Kiku. Apparently, Alfred had gotten his ass kicked by Nergüi, but Gilbert had expected that.

Gilbert, no matter how reckless he acted, was actually extremely intelligent. The silly, silver blond teenager was a top student, physically active and outgoing. He was once a completely stern child though. He used to be cold and rash, but he had stopped. He had met Roderich when he was child and not long afterward, he was introduced to his younger brother. After meeting the two, Gilbert decided to change.

His brother would not be safe if he did not protect him. A baby would be reckless, and he had to be more reckless. If his mother hated him while he was striving for perfection, she would surely hate the child more because the little boy would be completely imperfect. The little boy would be a mess, and his mother hated messes.

She would hate the tiny boy more than she hated him.

He had to make her hate him more than the little boy. He would become the person he had always wanted to be, the type of person he had always envied. He would become that person because meeting these two new, needy people… He wanted them, so selfishly, to think he was…

…_awesome…_

_Because all I had ever been was a punching bag._

_I was worthless all those years… and I wanted to be something for anyone…_

_I wanted someone to love me, to look up to me…_

_That was what I wanted. That was what I wanted so very selfishly all those years ago._

He had doubted himself every step of the way. Every step he took, every breath he took to say words he knew he would never have said without these people around him, hurt him. It tore him apart to think that he was only what he was because he needed to protect them. He was doing what he had to. But he loved doing it. He loved that he could help his adorable little brother. He loved that now that when he was bleeding, he didn't cry as much. He had someone to be brave for. He had someone to hold at night and to tell it would be alright because all these years he had said it to himself.

He always felt so selfish.

It didn't take long for Gilbert to love them. He loved them both so dearly. He adored his little brother and his new friend. He didn't care about that woman anymore. She didn't matter. She could hit him all she wanted, but he would never let her touch Ludwig.

He would kill her before that happened.

He would.

He really, really would.

But he had never been good at keeping promises. He had failed his little brother so many times. The broken bones and horrible bruises always brushed off onto the smaller German who seemed to think this was what life was like. Ludwig didn't have a family before that. Gilbert had.

Gilbert was lucky; he knew how warm love was. He knew what a loving mother and caring father was like. He knew how it felt to be tucked into bed and be hugged. But Ludwig didn't. And he never would be able to…

_And it's all because of me…_

Kiku had run off to go get help like a good little boy, yes; Gilbert had been here long enough to have expected that too. But the other one, the blond German kid, no, he hadn't expected that he'd take a punch for Alfred. He had thought the blond would drop to the floor and pretend to be dead or simply start crying after the first hit.

The proud, older German teen grinned as he saw the back of the boy named Ludwig, who had gotten beaten up by the looks of it, and he was still _alive_. Ivan, the damned Russian, was holding the little brat. Gilbert couldn't help but suppress a rude comment as Ivan glared at him, holding the small blond in his arms. Gilbert smirked again, for he had never seen Ivan back down from a fight, never seen the older back down from so much gloating.

_What a pussy._

_When did he start backing down?_

_Was it seriously for that brat?_

And yes, Gilbert was right again, it was _all_ so Ivan could hold some shaking blond brat who couldn't handle a few punches, a push and a drop to the floor and a kick to the side. Gilbert watched as Ivan glared violently at him. Ivan hated how the other teen smirked crudely at him and noticing it while he held the small blond teenager, made his blood boil.

It wasn't fair though. The backside of the blond teenager, the way the hair went down, the shoulders, the simple form of the teenager's body looked like Ludwig's.

It wasn't fair he had to see such a hauntingly picture-like image.

"Back down to hold your new bitch, huh, Ivan?" Gilbert said with a sly smirk, he barely held back a snicker as he watched Ivan stand up, letting go of the blond teenager who wanted to hang on. Gilbert glanced to the small blond who turned around to look at the older two. Gilbert couldn't help but suddenly hate the other German as he saw the fearful icy blue.

_Why does his name have to be Ludwig?_

"Fuck off, Gilbert," Ivan hissed, sizing up to the smaller and slightly younger teenager who lifted his chin a little to grin again, this time spitefully. Ivan's fist twitched. Gilbert couldn't help but snicker again as he saw Ivan's violet eyes turn dark with hate. It had been awhile since the two had actually fought. Suddenly a hard punch sent the red eyed German to the floor. A look of disbelief and anger rose to his face as he glared at Ivan, hand touching his cheek which burned hot red. Gilbert heard a soft whimper, glancing back to the small blond who had his hands clasped over his mouth, and his blue eyes were wide with horror.

_Don't make that face and look at me!_

_W-why does he have to look like him?_

_God _damn_ it._

"What the fuck was that for!" Gilbert shouted. He didn't want to look at the other German. It was impossible to look at the other boy who acted so… much like _him_.

Ivan just glared darkly at Gilbert who glared back with an equal amount of hate though it didn't seem to be directed at Ivan at all. Gilbert hated Ludwig. He hated this cheap imitation of his lovely little brother. He didn't want to ever see this boy again.

"_What_? just because I dissed your new little bitch? Fuck you, man! I barely said shit!" Gilbert hissed, glancing to the smaller German who was still looking up at him though now he looked sad. Gilbert glared aggressively at him hating him for making him remember things he wished he could just forget. "Little wimp, could barely handle a little punch! Why would you of all people want to waste your time with that-" Gilbert snarled, remembering his dear younger brother who had also always been so scared.

_He looks like him._

_He looks just like my little Luddie._

_He looks so scared… so scared…_

"Seriously dude, this fucking brat is starting to piss me off! Why doesn't he _say_ anything? I fucking HATE this kid already!" Gilbert yelled, hating the other boy now as the younger German teen buried his face against his knees and his frail looking body shook.

All his actions reminded him more of his little brother.

_But he's dead._

_He's DEAD._

_I've been through this a million times- he's DEAD._

_DEAD, DEAD, DEAD, and it's your own fucking fault!_

Gilbert's eyes widened as Ivan yanked him up by the collar of his shirt.

"You know, Gilbert…" Ivan whispered, his voice so low it almost frightened the silver blond which had lived through so many horrors, he didn't know he was capable of fear anymore.

Ivan took in a breath though it was clear he was trying not to do anything that would upset Ludwig.

"I've never wanted to break your fucking face as much as I do now, but I won't because that's too good for you, you piece of shit. You'll realize what you did, but it's going to be too late, you _dumb_ _ass_." Ivan growled, voice sounding so angry and so serious Gilbert couldn't help but look surprise, mouth opening in a gap and red eyes widening. "You're _so_ worthless. I wonder why Ludwig even gives a shit about you." Ivan let go of Gilbert who stumbled a step back, still shocked before he tripped and fell onto his ass. Gilbert gulped, glancing at the blond before his glance turned into a look of pure hate.

He felt like he was going to be sick. Some uneasy, empty, bottomless feeling in his stomach, and throat and eyes burning as everything fell into place so quickly. He wouldn't cry though. He had cried enough over his loss, and he never wanted to cry again over this. He had cried too much for his brother. He could not cry anymore because soon, he would run out of tears.

But it was all wrong.

It was all too wrong to be right, but it was all too right to be wrong.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKER!"

_How dare you look just like _him_!_

"J-JUST GO AWAY!"

_H-How dare you remind me of _him_!_

"I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FUCKING FACE AGAIN!"

_How _DARE_ you!_

Gilbert felt a familiar burn as Ludwig started to cry loudly. Gilbert couldn't help but notice how Ivan's hands twitched, like he wanted go back on his words and beat the shit out of him. Gilbert turned his attention away from Ivan, looking back to Ludwig as he felt a surge of hate, directed at himself, as he saw tears dripping down the smaller German's red cheeks.

_H-how can he look so much like him?_

_How is that even possible?_

_How can he be _my_ Ludwig, when _my_ Ludwig is dead?_

Gilbert glared at the blond. He hated him. He hated this boy for making him feel so horrible. This little blond couldn't be his dear brother. It COULDN'T be. His brother was DEAD. Gilbert had told himself this so many times, so why couldn't he get this through his head? He couldn't think this was him now. It would break his heart, and he didn't want to hurt anymore. He had spent so long hurting; he didn't want to hurt anymore.

_Is that too much to fucking ask for?_

Ivan clenched his fist tighter, hating Gilbert so much. He glanced back to Ludwig. He needed to get him out of here. Ludwig didn't deserve this. He tried to help Ludwig up, but Ludwig seemed to be determined not to move. He seemed to want to stay there and simply cry his heart out into his knees. Ivan quickly slipped his hands under the boy's arms and lifted him up, quietly noting again how light the other was. He let the blond lean his head against his shoulder. The blond rested his face against the crook of Ivan's neck. Ludwig glanced up as they began leave, looking at his dear brother who was now quiet in silent rage.

Ludwig's icy blue eyes were filled with tears, the bruises and blood and the unhealed scratch marks marred his once pure, innocent face. His blond hair was undone, messy and framing his face, his cheeks were dusted a light pink, and sorrow filled blue finally met raging red.

And Gilbert suddenly saw something horrible.

It all came back with a painful pull at his heart as he stared the small, hopeless blond boy with a name so disturbing like his own baby brother's.

His poor, little Luddie… his little, hopeless brother who he, himself, even as the older brother, had so carelessly sentenced to death five years ago, when he had left him with _that_ woman.

But it was his Ludwig.

It was HIS Ludwig.

And yet… that was impossible.

The German teenager named Ludwig ducked his head down, grabbing tightly onto Gilbert's mortal enemy's shirt and shook terribly. Gilbert stared, remembering all the time he had held his little brother like that, when they had been young and scared and always so hurt. He remembered when his brother use to cry on _his_ shoulder and ask him if _Mutter_ (mother) was angry still.

He remembered those pale sorrowful blue eyes.

_Ludwig…_

He remembered those soft cries.

_My little Luddie…_

He remembered leaving his little brother.

_My poor little Ludwig…_

Gilbert let out a small cry as the two left his sight completely. Crying as he remembered how his cute, innocent and sweet younger brother had begged him not to go, begged him not to leave him alone. He remembered how he had left so cruelly his small defenseless brother to fend for himself when _he_ should have stayed with him, when _he_ should have fought to keep his little brother with him.

He should have begged them to take his brother.

He should have told on his mother, he shouldn't have been so weak and afraid.

He could have saved his brother.

He _could_ _have_, but he didn't.

He remembered how he used to protect his younger brother and how he had waited in this school for three years and how he did everything in his power to try and get the officials in the school to look his way. He tried until he found out his mother had taken the only thing he ever loved in that house away. She had run away from Germany, without a trace, taking his sweetly innocent, younger brother with her.

He remembered after the first three years of checking every new student, finding out everything about them only to realize his lovely brother was not among them, he had thought his brother was dead. He had mourned for his brother two years ago, thinking his baby brother was dead, and he had been the one to kill him. He had thought that he had been murderer.

It had been his choice to leave. He could have saved his brother, and he had killed him instead. He hadn't tried hard enough to get them to let him come. If he would have tried harder, maybe he wouldn't have killed his own dear brother. Maybe, Ludwig would be here… maybe he would be here…

But _he_ was here.

It was _his_ Ludwig.

It was his beloved, little Luddie and…

…and he had said such horrible, unforgiving things.

_I-I'm a failure as an older brother…_

_I'm a complete failure…_

_I had thought I had killed him, but that wasn't the worst part…because now I've truly killed him._

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><p><strong>AN: **I hope you drop me a review and tell me what you think of me making Gilbert finally realize what we've all known since chapter one! I'd like to thank everyone for their paitence of this extremely long and annoying fanficiton!

Oh and reviews will help me write faster! (I worry too much about how I write and if I'm writing alright or if I did something wrong or if the reader thought it was bad...) OKAY! THANK YOU GUYS!

OH! And um, heads up to a reviewer **(Sigart),** YOU GUESSED IT! So feel proud and rejoice my friend :D *feels really dumb suddenly*

I will also take time to thank **II-AmY-ChaN-II **who, from the first review she submited for my fanfiction, I have adored. I'm horrible at responding to reviews, because I am also extremely shy, even if I'm stupid and loud- BUT OMG WHEN I FIRST READ YOUR REVIEWS I WAS LIKE "Oh. My. GAWD. SHE'S SO AWESOME!" And I was freaking out and fangirling longer than I usually do because your review was so heartwarming and beautiful and I think I'm crying- *tears up like loser*

I would also like to thank **Na-Baz **each time I read your review, I wanted so badly to write a perfect chapter to make you happy. I was like "if I write this badly I'll totally disappoint EVERYONE!" and you're the first person I thought of because of your review. You saying you read "every paragraph about three times, hoping that the chapter will last longer." OMG that made my day! It made me write, rewrite, delete and rewrite another dozen times until I thought it was good enough! People like you make slackers like me work hard! (though I wish I could have worked even harder with this chapter, I'm so scared about it and how everyone will feel after reading it!)

And to **brattyteenagewerewolf,** one word, OMG (actually that not a word... *feels completely stupid*). BUT OMGOMGOMG YOU WROTE A REVIEW ON MY FANFICTION! (I've read some of yours and I LOVED your stories and to see you writing a review on one of mine is enough to make me feel so lightheaded!) But um the dorms being labled A, B, C, D and E are separtion used in the dorm system I created for the use of this story! A is for the younger girls (K-8th grade), colored pink (because I'm dumb). B for older girls (9th-12th grade) who wear red. B is blue and for the younger boys (K-8th grade). E is yellow and for the older boys (9th-12th grade), but because there are more males who attend the private school than girls, there is an additional dorm, dorm D for older boys too, colored green. Its just so I have a clear cut of dorms, so I wouldn't worry about it. There is a fierce compeition between E and D because of the hetalia characters who are in the dorms. Each dorm has a dorm ground, but they all have the same school!

And to **NoodleGurl27, prussiaistherootofallawesome, Vikishus, Ninja-Penguin-Luz, TABC, Mupyeong** and to everyone else who had reviewed but I didn't add your name in this (or made you a paragraph of my thankfulness, don't feel like I don't care because I do *smiles like an idiot*), THANK YOU ALL AND I HOPE I GOT WHAT YOU WANTED INTO THIS LITTLE CHAPTER (nudges **prussiaistherootofallawesome)**


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